Me the Great Doofus

Photoblog:  Early morning in Xian, the day I returned from the USA and now the photoblog's focus has turned back to China

 

The other day I made the greatest fool of myself.

 

In West Africa, one thing foreign visitors absolutely hate are little gangs of children jumping up and down, chanting "White person, white person, white person" in whatever local language they know.  In China in the smaller cities like mine, foreign visitors hate being stared at and randomly being shouted at by adults, "HALLO!  OKAY!!  BYE BYE!!!"

 

Guess what I did the other day.

 

I've been looking for the six new foreigners who are teaching at a local high school to invite them to our library and to Chinese corner.  Lo and behold after dinner while walking home, a tall white male walks by and what do I do?

 

I shout in the most excited, never seen a foreigner before voice, "HALLO!"

 

In his shock and annoyance of being shouted at again, he shouts back, "HALLO!"

 

I tried to tune down my energy and asked, "Are you a number 2 middle school teacher?  I've been looking for you guys everywhere.  I am an English teacher at the college."

 

"No.  I work for the oil companies."

 

"Where are you from?"

 

"France."

 

"Oh.  Je parle Francais."

 

"Oh you speak French and English."

 

"Well it was nice meeting you.  Enjoy your evening."

 

Doh!  I felt so Chinese shouting at him and even more Chinese because I looked Chinese and looked like a local who shouts HALLO at every passing foreigner who walks by.  Let's just stamp the word Doofus across my forehead.

Gasworks Park Seattle

Traveling to Seattle and to Colorado, I was happily surrounded by an outdoorsy, healthy population.  It made me kind of self-conscious.  People were tanned riding bikes for exercise, training and participating in sprint triathlons, hiking, running, swimming, backpacking, and rock climbing.  It made me realize how much I miss being around people who enjoy sweating by being outdoors. 

 

My friend sent me some stats:

 

"300 days of sun," the phrase goes here (Colorado). Tons of biking, hiking, running, and more. This year Colorado again came in as the number one fittest / least obese state. (Washington is 22th and Alabama is tied for 49th for comparison).  

 

By the way, still having trouble with my Internet so I can't publish your comments, but I can still read them.  Thanks for all of the input.

 

 

Chinese Short Stories

I have been doing teacher homework where I have been reading and reading trying to find stories for my English short story class.  Last semester was pretty much a disaster where attendance in one class in the middle of the semester reached a low time self-esteem hitting low of zero students.  Ninety percent of the students out of three classes just stopped coming for the rest of the semester. 

 

What was I doing wrong? 

 

I have the class again but this time with juniors instead of seniors, and I will not be discouraged.  I will try to be all that I can be, a prepared teacher who has done her homework and planned a well thought out lesson.

 

This semester I have decided to compare Chinese stories with western stories that have similar themes. 

 

As I do my homework reading story after story from ancient China, with morals, happy endings and lessons on how to live life, how to treat your parents and the leaders of the country, I am having a hard time identifying with the characters, and often just want to stop reading and gouge my eyes out.  It makes me wonder, are the students also having a hard time connecting with the human behaviors in the western stories that reflect the raw reality and pain of life of people in a far away land? 

 

I think Lynn Holmes in her introduction to An Anthology of Chinese Short Short Stories selected and translated by Harry J. Huang, explains the difference between western stories and Chinese stories.  She writes, "...the purpose if there is one (behind Chinese storytelling): the expectation that each story will have a moral, a point, a positive value in our own lives or community."  In the multicultural society, she explains, "If fiction is designed to give us imaginative access to other selves, and since to be human is necessarily to suffer and to face the unpleasant, what we gain from our reading is an extra concentrated dose of simulated life."  There is quite a big difference between our cultures' literature.

 

I am hoping through this semester's class, I will be able to bridge the gap between the expectations of stories with morals and happy endings with stories that do not always show the rosy side of life, but the raw reality of it.  I hope that the students will be able to teach me about their literature and help me appreciate it more, and in turn I will attempt to help them appreciate and understand western short stories.

 

Wish me luck and stay tuned...  Will I drive all of my students away?  Will they keep coming to class?  What will I learn this semester?

Crested Butte

Crested Butte was wow... magnificent.  I had a blast camping out in the Aspen forests of a thirteen mile hike seeing wild flowers, a dead headless bear, sheep and their herders, and deer.<br> 

 

My computer and Internet have been having problems as well as my gut.  My stomach problems remind of the first time I ate Chinese food in Conakry, Guinea after eating rice and fish head sauce for a month.  I think my stomach needs a small amount of time to adjust to the amount of oil, MSG, and salt that is used.<br>  

 

Here is an attempt at posting a blog through email.<br>

 

PS.  If you have a spare minute, let me know if this post with the picture works and if the layout looks all right or if it looks funny.

Ferocious Animal

Boulder, Colorado was a cool city where I could bike from the main drag to an awesome hiking spot. After hiking to flatiron 1 and 2 then to the royal arch, I found these ferocious little animals. After pulling out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I thought I would be covered with these tiny rodents like Veruca Salt in Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I am still have a bit of jet lag but am not grumpy. I tend to wake up around 2 am and can't fall back asleep. It is all right though since I am a morning person. Never knew I was such an early early morning person though.

James Turrell Skyspace (Seattle)

When I was in graduate school, I would always visit the Henry Art Gallery on the University of Washington's campus. It was free for students. I wanted to go again, but felt it was kind of expensive for a Peace Corps volunteer so I bargained down the price to half. Well I guess I didn't really bargain since the entrance fee has set prices but also has the footnote- admission is by suggested donation. I suggested something else and got admitted.

The best part about being back in China are my friends. I feel a great sense of comfort and ease talking with them. The food is an added bonus.

Grand Junction Tree

Because I was traveling I was unable to keep up my photo blog, but now that I am back in China I have more free time. I did take a few pictures from each of the places I visited; however, not all of them turned out really nice. I will only post the USA photos that I find visually pleasing, then back to photos from China.

One thing that I noticed while being back in the states was the amount of gratitude and verbal thanks everyone was giving. It made me uncomfortable because I wasn't sure if I was saying thank you enough. In China, Americans tend to say xie xie (thank you) way too much and we make our friends and host families uncomfortable. In China, it is unnecessary to say thank you especially to friends and family. It is implied that everyone is grateful for helping each other because you have a close relationship and there is no need to say thank you. To strangers I think saying xie xie is polite. (I am not 100% sure if what I have written is correct. I'll have to ask my students to explain the culture around xie xie. If you know the answer, leave a comment.)

Who am I?

I have spent four years jumping from country to country searching for me. I moved from one culture to the next believing that by being super flexible and adaptable, that by presenting a censored me, I was being a phony American peer pressured to do my best to fit in without revealing my true self. I feared I wouldn't be able to integrate, wouldn't be accepted and would eventually be run out of the country if I revealed all of my labels. There is some truth to my fear; however, I've wrongly believed that I've been lying about who I am.

I've often written about trying to find the answer to the question who am I? Living in other countries I feel that I've been chasing a memory of me, have been chasing a ghost, a Jennifer whom I thought I was, who I thought that by being in the USA I would become again. In the states there is a freedom to be open in ways I can't be while living abroad, so I always assumed that if I returned to the USA I would be a more truthful side of myself.

I went back to the USA for a month, returned to China and while eating a bowl of noodles, my first meal back at site, watching the street, what did I discover?

No matter where I am, I am me. There I am. All those labels, the ones I hide, the ones I present, the ones I change, the ones I become aren't me. My history, education, genes, clothes, beliefs and labels don't define my identity. My identity exists right there, undefinable, just there. When I peer into me, I know it, but there are no words to describe it.

My insecurities and fears cause me to think I don't know who I am, cause me to think that I am presenting a phony censored identity, cause me to defend that which is me. But there is no need because I exist, not because I think, not because I can write and write describing who I am.

I exist because I am not dead.
I exist here, now.
Look inside.
Shh....

Close your eyes.
Can you see yourself?
Can you hear yourself?

Can you feel that quiet sense of being you?

Yes?

Then you know what I am talking about.
That being is you.
This being is me,

no longer wondering who am I?

I am me.

Back Home (China)

I find it funny that one month back in the USA could change my attitude towards China. Two years ago I had a lot of patience for China, but one month in the USA and boom, feelings of frustration and argh hit.

When I first got to the gate in San Francisco full of Chinese people waiting to go to the mainland, I felt giddy. I was once again amongst short, black-haired people, people who look like me. I was once again Chinese, feeling like I belong because I look like everyone. I was once again amongst a language I sort of understand, can filter out, and can live in the silent isolated bubble of a foreign language. As a tribute to my last hour in America, I sat on the floor, something you NEVER do in China.

In Beijing though... boom...

I got so frustrated with it all...

• the signs that make no sense as I was trying to catch my plane to Xian
• the new terminal that is like two miles from the terminal I needed to be at
• having to squeeze on a crowded bus to get to the airport terminal
• the inefficient lines full of thousands of people
• getting an expensive zippo gift for the waiban confiscated because lighters are not allowed on checked baggage
• standing behind the travellers with their bags full of liquids, waiting as the security people ran their bags a million times
• waiting five minutes for women to finish in the toilets
• thirsty with only boiling water to wait to cool off

After a month in the USA, I lost my ability to wait. Somehow the time scale in the USA had speeded up my time scale thus losing my ability to be patient with the uncertainties and different time scale of a new culture.

Actually though, now that I have arrived back into the safety of my apartment, I feel better. Plus I received good news. I thought I was going to have to lesson plan all day on Sunday to start teaching on Monday. Of course in China, nothing is 100% certain. Nothing is 100% scheduled. Things change in an instant. Even though everyone told me to be back to start teaching on the 30th of August, guess what. Classes don't start till the 6th of September. Yay for me! Now I can relax, get over jet lag, finish knitting my sweater, and go on bike rides.

I am once again happy.

Back to China I Go

The silence of my blog may have got y'all wondering, "Where in the world is Jen?"

• I was riding in the bike friendly city of Ft. Collins and sleeping at a farm full of fat turkeys, a few horses, and egg laying chickens in a town nearby.
• I was in a tent in the middle of the aspen forests of Crested Butte sleeping by a rushing creek.
• I was at my family's home at the base of a mesa of Grand Junction.
• I was in a rustic cabin in the foothills of the surrounding area of Denver that only had the modern convenience of electricity.
• I was in an awesomely decorated apartment full of artifacts from around the world.
• I was hiking and biking in Boulder.

One more night in Seattle and then back to China where I start teaching on Monday.

Colorado was a land of soul searching because of being in nature and around family and friends. In the solitude, I think too much. Being distracted by the kindness and conversations of people makes me feel like I belong and can start a life in the USA.

What kinds of debates and questions came up in my head?

1. There is the old quote "You can choose your friends but you don't choose your family." When you're a kid you don't choose your family and in my special case since I was adopted I was specially picked out; however, when you become older, the question that pops up is Now that I can make my own decision, do I choose family back? Is the shared history, enough to overcome a lack of common ground? I choose friends because we have something in common. Why is family different somehow?

2. Is it better to face rejection in order to have a truthful, honest relationship with people by sharing everything and revealing oneself or is it better to keep the peace and hide? Can one have meaningful relationships based on hiding one's secrets? As I travel the world, I often have to censor myself or change to fit in. In Africa, I was a married woman. In China, I try to be a harmony driven Chinese teacher with western teaching characteristics who is too old and too educated to get married. In the USA, I've always hoped that I could be me, but is it worth being me and face the possibility of rejection?

3. Do I prefer solitude and isolation or being around people? In the mountains of Boulder, I went on my first hiking experience alone and it reminded me of the isolation and solitude of Africa as well as the bike rides into the countryside of China. I felt the peace of being me without the pressure of cultural norms, without the stress of being judged and making cultural mistakes, without the feeling that I don't belong. But then I also hung out with such wonderful accepting people that I felt the joy of being around friends and family.

4. Whom do I want to date? Whomever I pick as a partner, I think if they are full of joy about life, the little things, the flavor of a spice, the way the light hits the earth, the craziness of people and their long commutes in their cars, the way a plant survives and offers beauty to a dead area due to fire, a joy about life would be an excellent quality to have.

5. Am I ready to return to the USA? My dreams have been accomplished and at 33 sometimes I feel umm... now what? What else is there to do? Am I really ready to enter the working force of the USA, to work till I die, to have a car, to eat fast food, to watch TV, to worry about health insurance and retirement? The visit to Colorado helped me realize that there is hope for a life of creativity. There is hope to create a life for myself that is inspired from within. I don't have to get trapped into the stereotype of all that makes America ugly for me.

Feeling More Like Home

I spent four days biking around Seattle in the silence of my head, a loner taking to the dreary streets of Seattle, but then the sunshine, pink sunsets, and snow capped mountains came out. I spent the next four days biking Seattle to hang out with friends. Today is my last day in Seattle before heading off to Colorado and I am feeling more at peace with being back in the USA. I don't feel a heavy weight pulling me into a downer mood, nor do I feel so much like an outsider anymore. There are friends and potential community here that I enjoy, wish I could spend more time with, and discover. There is a conflict between the Jen who finds happiness and peace being alone with the Jen who finds happiness and peace with the right friends and community. Today I am feeling a great sadness of having to leave people I connect with. Tomorrow though I am sure a new happiness and sadness will arise. That is the way of life.

Age 33 Crisis

As I have grown older, I have realized at each cross-roads of adventures, the root of my decisions is to try to answer the simple question, Who am I?

I've looked in the USA.
I've looked in Africa.
I've looked in China.
What have I discovered?

That instead of narrowing down the answer into a nice neat little packaged Jennifer who is confident about who she is, the world travel has just made her more and more complicated. Instead of a nice concise list documenting her identity, now there are a thousand different Jennifers, each being as flexible as needed to fit in wherever she is living. At sixteen, she was limited by her few experiences and was the good Christian girl. After that though, the variety of interests and identities that she took on blew up into a million little segments of personality. She is happy in each of her roles, in each of her personalities, in each of her interests and passions, in each of the different environments but when faced with the decision to choose one of them and to try to pick the next adventure, it becomes impossible. You may think... just try to fulfill as many of the different parts of Jennifer as you can; however, there are conflicts between the different Jennifers. There is the traditional Jennifer and the totally non-traditional Jen. There is the English speaker, the Chinese and French speaker. There is the knitter and the construction worker. There is the athlete and the TV watcher. There is the non-materialistic camper and the computer user. There are just too many choices!

What am I going to do after Peace Corps?

I bought a book. What should I do with My Life? by Po Bronson

Reverse Culture Shock

Living abroad for four years, my "real" life has been on pause, and I feel like I've been living in some fantasy world called Africa and China. I am disconnected from the "real" world. It is like being a time traveler and jumping four years into the future. One wouldn't think the world would have changed much in four years but it has. I've been on pause, and everyone else has been on fast forward. Or maybe I am the one who has changed. Everything is fascinating, but I feel somehow out of place. I can make tons of observations and comparisons between this world and the world I've been living in, but it isn't the obvious physical or subtle differences between African, Chinese, and American culture, customs, traditions, and cities that make me feel out of place. It is the fact that I am American and somehow don't fit in America.

For example, at a coffee shop I listen to the small talk of the regulars with the baristas and feel like a fly on the wall who just wants to be swatted, remembering when I used to be a regular. Or on Greenlake, watching people play Frisbee, volleyball, participate in boot camp, I feel like an out of place foreigner remembering when I used to do sprints and pushups. Or when I am walking and a guy slows down, tries to make eye contact, and I feel the energy of someone wanting to chat, instead of feeling complimented, I put my pretend wedding ring back on my ring finger, disliking the pick up culture that I remember from undergrad or going to Freaknik in Atlanta.

How do I explain what I am feeling?

I am not talking about missing China or Africa either. I don't feel a homesickness for those countries, nor do I wish that at this very moment I was just back in my Chinese hometown. I like America. I've been enjoying all that America offers. But my heart, my eyes, my ears, my head, just feel weird, feel sad, feel depressed? Something is weighing me down, and I can't put my finger on it. This one month home leave is neither heaven nor hell more like purgatory, a holding place until I get back to my Chinese life where for the next year I will be preparing for the next big adventure.

I've been looking up web articles about reverse culture shock and think fluff... more fluff... too obvious, not the answers or solutions I am looking for. Jwong's college course science paper, "There and Back Again... Re-Entering Reality," though is one of the more interesting explanations.

"This definition of post-travel-abroad depression, whether it is an equivalent to reverse culture shock or not, is a clear indication that significant alterations in depression-related chemicals in the brain occur as a result of neuromodulatory alterations in behavior... Feeling an overwhelming sense of discomfort with reality seems to make sense in relation to the idea that these students no longer possess a clear sense of normalcy in their lives. An interesting reflection on the topic of drastic environmental changes and disconnect between reality and one’s expectations is the concept of solastalgia. Coined by an Australian philosopher, Glenn Albrecht, the recently formulated term defines a form of depression or homesickness that combines the concepts of nostalgia, solace, and desolation (Skatssoon). Albrecht uses this term to explain the sometimes overwhelming sense of distress over a loss of “community” or “endemic sense of place” as a result of environmental change; however, these same emotions and the depression caused by imagining a lack of control over one’s destiny are emotions and brain patterns that can also be associated with the concept of re-entry shock after being abroad."

As the world turns...

Yesterday I discovered a cool Shoreline bike trail that runs parallel to Aurora and I wonder if I had just missed it while living in Seattle or if it is new. Up on Aurora, I wanted to visit a pawn shop and try some Korean food. (Korean food has lots of crispy veggies right? Yes.) It was gift buying day, so I could leave the stuff at my friend's house before heading to Colorado. Hope people in China like Ferrero Chocolate. I am assuming they do since supermarkets stock it in the import section, and it is super expensive at least in Chinese terms. I also visited a Korean restaurant which had delicious yet not very spicy soft tofu soup and lots of small side dishes with barely cooked or pickled eggplant, tofu, spinach, cabbage, bean sprouts, and potato. In the evening I stopped by the old coffee/crepe shop that is across the street from where I used to live in Mapleleaf then I biked down to Greenlake. Wow... Greenlake was full of people, and it made me jealous of how active and outdoorsy Seattle is and made me homesick for sporty Jen. The dessert of the day was getting to have a homemade dinner with an old lab mate who was one of my really good friends while in graduate school. It was nice to catch up and to see that the world still turns in America while I am living in China.

Mailbox and Eating

Walking home from the store, I saw mailboxes and realized oops... I had forgotten that when one house sits, one is suppose to take in the mail. Made me laugh that four years abroad made me forget the luxury of having mail delivered to your house.

I am a good eater. I can eat and eat and eat. I have a bottomless tummy. Chinese banquets, do I ever feel full? Not really. I can always finish the last course, a bowl of noodles. But in America, wow... The portions are huge and the food is heavy! I can eat and eat and eat, but I feel painfully full. I am learning that it is easier to just take home half the plate, and eat it for dinner. Also, I feel like I am eating unhealthy. I am lazy. I don't really cook for myself. For five years in Seattle, I ate lunch on the Ave and dinner on Broadway. In China, I eat out almost every day, but I eat a lot of vegetables that feel like salads. The eggplant, green peppers, celery, leafy greens, tofu, cucumbers, and potatoes aren't raw, but they are still crisply crunchy after cooking.

I've Changed

I remember sitting in downtown Seattle wondering how would moving to Africa change me. I didn't know that I would stay away for four years, moving to China after Africa. I didn't know that a volunteer could do Peace Corps for more than two years, and I just recently heard of a guy who has committed to serving six years in PC, went from Africa, to China, back to Africa. The longer I stay away, the more I wonder how does living abroad change a person?

Hanging out in Fremont then at Gasworks Park under the sun watching the planes land and take off of Lake Union with the Seattle skyline as the backdrop, I realized that Africa and China has changed me. I feel safe and peaceful within the isolated silence of one. I have spent four years learning to be by myself. I am not so good around people anymore. I am a bit quiet and quite socially awkward. I am used to sitting for hours, just waiting, taking paper out and sketching whatever is around me. I don't seek people or community for company but find ways to amuse myself.

Walking home from the store, I realized that Africa and China has changed me. I no longer rush. I remember writing a blog post while living in Seattle about why don't people run from place to place:

Sunday, February 04, 2001

Why do we walk everywhere? Why don't we run?

Yesterday I was running everywhere. Running to catch a bus that just passed me but was stopping a block away. Running down blocks and blocks trying to make sure I caught the 12:14 am bus.

I think we should run everywhere instead of walking. It is much more fun and you get more exercise.
_____________________________________

I used to pride myself for being a fast walker. After living in the heat of Africa, I am like why? Why walk fast when it is so hot? Slow and steady is the mantra. In China, I do get frustrated by being stuck behind the hundreds of slow walkers. Because there are so many people on the sidewalks, walkers tend to just mosey on. Everyone follows the same pace and don't have to worry about dodging in and out of the crowds. I must have picked up the habit of walking slower. Today while walking back and forth from the supermarket, I realized that I walk at a peaceful pace.

My taste buds have also changed. I have always had a sweet tooth, but for some reason I am not eating sweets when the stores and coffee shops and cake shops are full of them. Instead I drink coffee, black. I eat salty food like a bagel and lox. I don't feel a strong urge to eat a sweet. I find it a bit strange and feel kind of happy that no longer do I feel the need to drink coffee with a doughnut, to stop by the ice cream parlor, to eat chocolate. It is a bit weird though coz in China, there are many instances when I feel an urge to eat a sweet. How does one explain that?

The last thing I have noticed is my inability to spend money. I am angry that at the supermarket you have to have a card or else everything will cost twice as much. I don't go to the movie theater just to watch a popular sci-fi action movie because the ticket is $10. I probably would pay the $10 if it was a unique film that might be hard to find again. I prefer to bike rather than spend $4 on a round trip public bus ticket. I don't mind spending a lot of money on a special dinner or on books, but everything else just seems really expensive.

I've changed over the four years. My taste buds have changed. My spending habits too. I have become quieter somehow, more of a loner, and I don't rush or try to be time efficient. I just be and know that no matter what, everything will work out. I wonder how long it takes to change back to the American I once was.

The Ghost of Dr. Popham

Wandering around my old haunts, I feel like a ghost watching live scientists and students discussing research, studying, and typing up papers on computers. The old coffee shops that I went to daily and just loved hanging out in hit me in a wrong way. The people watching isn't as interesting as in China and Africa. Everyone looks the same. The same clothes, the same bags, the same cell phones, and computers, the same sad lonely bubbles of one. In China and Africa it is really rare to see a person sitting by themselves. The Capitol Hill coffee shops feel full of rich yuppies, wearing their expensive clothes that are made to look worn out and it makes Seattle feel rich and privileged, makes me feel like a loser for not wanting the same things.

The best part of the coffee shop experience is the music and art on the walls. The background music in China is bland pop drivel repeating the same Chinese love and relationship vocabulary over and over again.

The gray sky is a poor motivator to get out of bed. I am cold and don't want to get up, but the gray sky is perfect weather for biking. Sweat turns the gray into yellow happiness. Riding the routes from the north past old rugby fields to the Burke Gilman passing the IMA and the stadium, riding the routes of the Seattle marathon around Lake Washington and touching base again with the Jen who went to a gym, ran, and biked felt nice.

Today while speaking French, eating Senegalese food and drinking iced bissap (hibiscus tea) a flood of images touched me in such a I miss Africa and want to go back way. I wonder why I don't mind facing the memories of Africa compared to facing the memories of the scientist who died five years ago upon graduation.

It is weird.

I ran into an old group member who had just arrived in town a few days ago from NYC where he is doing a post doc. What a coincidence. Does it mean anything?

Library and African Food

I love the place I am housesitting. It has book shelves and book shelves of books that I enjoy reading. I don't even have to go to a library. I can just sit here, drink tea, and read. My friends have the same taste of books. Currently I am reading Neil Gaiman's 2008 The Graveyard Book.

What is on today's agenda?

Bike down to Seward Island/Ranier Valley, a 26 mile trip, to eat Senegalese food for lunch.

Back in Love & Tidbits

Biking: Seattle is a biking city and I absolutely love the fact that I can bike from place to place running errands, visiting coffee shops and bookstores. I love riding a bike that is easy to get up a hill instead of a bike that I have to walk up. My friend's bike is super light. I didn't realize that my Chinese clunker goes slow and takes more effort because it is so heavy. In Seattle, I don't care that cars don't beep to warn me that they are there because if they see you most of the drivers respect you, slow down, wait for you, and go around you. The bike lanes help too. It is not the bigger animal wins mentality. The biking makes Seattle worth moving back for.

I think if I had more of an opportunity to bike in Alabama as a method of transportation, it might have changed my interest in Alabama as a place to move back to. The heat though is really hard. Seattle has great weather for sports enthusiasts. Slight cool drizzles are perfect for athletes.

Coffee: I forgot that good coffee is not bitter. My sitemate swore by Americanos so instead of the usual latte, I've been drinking a daily Americano. They are yummy. The instant nescafe of Africa and China is ugh... I can't believe I've been drinking the stuff for the past four years. No wonder I add so much milk and sugar. Americanos are delicious black.

Food: I've been having trouble spending money. In Alabama, my parents generously treated me to restaurants and let me try to eat a dent in their stockpile of food that fills two freezers, a fridge, and a walk-in pantry. Now that I am living on my own, I have a really hard time spending more than $5 on a meal. I ate pho which was relatively cheap. Instead of getting a bagel sandwich ($7), I just ate a toasted whole wheat bagel with butter along with soup ($3). I don't mind spending money on coffee though coz it feels cheap compared to buying a cup of coffee in China. I don't know why I am feeling so frugal. I have the money. Shouldn't I be eating it up while I am here?

I think food is less interesting this time because Chinese food is pretty good. After Africa, I was dying for a variety of food. This time my palette seems to only want to feast upon American bread covered with French cheese. Desserts don't really tempt me either. They just seem way too sweet and need to be shared rather than eaten by one person.

Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs): I've been people watching and sometimes think, hmm... I wonder if that person is a RPCV. There is something about them that is different, a piece of clothing, a bag, jewellery. I bet Seattle has a lot of RPCVs. If we loved the fashion of the countries we lived in, how long does it take for us to totally stop wearing those clothes? In China, I tend to still wear African pieces of wrapped cloth as skirts and African shirts when I exercise. In Alabama, I wore all the sundresses I had tailored made using African prints.

Jet Lag: For some reason both in Alabama and in Seattle, I feel wide awake at midnight, wake up at 4 am and then feel exhausted by noon, taking a LONG nap.

Warming Up to Seattle

Seattle is dreary. I think it takes a little time to psychologically adjust back to the gray, but adjusting I am. Today the big plan is to bike to REI, to Elliot Bay Book Company which I rarely visited while living in Seattle because it was downtown but has moved to Capitol Hill replacing my favorite Bailey Coy Books, and back to Northgate where I am currently house sitting. It should be about a sixteen mile loop with plenty of inclines as well as bike lanes. Then maybe depending on the weather I might go to Shakespeare in the Park.