The Giving Dilemma

Thursday 21 December 2006

Tonight I ate half a chicken. It was prepared by the 11 year old daughter and her mother, one of the 3 wives of my concession.

Who got the rest? Did the mother? Did the daughter? Did the other two wives? Did any of the other 10 children? Did the father eat as well as I tonight?

How do I repay the labor and cost of each evening’s meal?

Money? How much?

Goods? I gave a 50 kg bag of rice (twenty-two dollars) about a fourth of my monthly living allowance. I buy produce and give it to the family.

As a giver, I want to just give and give, to go to Labe and get twenty dollars worth of oil for the family.

I need to find a balance though, a fair exchange. Just because I can give and give doesn’t mean I should. My income will not be contributing to this family for a lifetime. I’m leaving in a year and a half. I don’t want them to become dependent on a second breadwinner.

The problem is givers keep giving and giving. Givers also downplay their value, and sometimes even feel guilty or uncomfortable accepting an exchange.

My tailor made a beautiful skirt and blouse for me. He charged a dollar for his labor.

The daughter and mother who plucked and prepared the chicken probably only got to taste the chicken juice in the delicious soup not asking for anything for their labor.

I have a sense of guilt. I feel like a taker sitting in my house packing to go to Labe for Christmas, waiting for my dinner to be served.

How do I find a balance giving and taking in this giving culture along with my own nature to give?

Should I go back to cooking my own meals? Should I calculate the cost of the labor and of the meal and pay that in money or goods?

It is hard for me to feel a sense of satisfaction contributing to a family by giving money or goods; therefore, I have a tendency to just keep giving and giving. I want to partake in the labor, but it is hard to know how to. Today, I had 9 little kids trying to help me wash a sock. Is there a way to contribute other than by an exchange of money or goods, when the labor is split amongst so many?

Volunteers often give a 50 kg sac of rice every 2-3 months for their meals.

I didn’t even ask the wives if the mind cooking for one more.

When I first arrived, he father sat on my porch and explained that whatever I need, the family is there for me. I just have to ask.

The family gives. I give and now we have a giving dilemma.