To friends and family,
If you are interested in seeing a few low resolution pictures from my most recent trip to Kaifeng, Henan, the yellow river, the mountains above Shaolin Temple, the Taihang mountains, please send me an email. Since I am still travelling and am using internet bars, I am having trouble loading pictures to a web photo album.
Summer project is going well.
We have finished one week of teaching middle school English teachers. Our objective, requested by the Chinese organizers was to help improve their confidence in speaking English; however, we changed it a bit as we met our students and learned what our students wanted: teaching methods, pronunciation, and American culture.
I think the weakness of the summer project is the large number of unknowns: number of students, students' English level, and what they want to learn from us. We fly by the seat of our pants and cannot really prepare very well for it in advance.
We are a bit exhausted not used to teaching a 40-50 hour week compared to our university work week of 12-20 hours.
Tomorrow we start a new week with new teachers. These teachers will be primary school teachers. We are back to the world of unknowns. What is their English level? We have heard that many of the teachers are not college educated. What do the students want to learn? Their English level will determine whether or not we can meet their requests. It would be really hard to have discussions about teaching ideas and methods if we can't communicate.
Anyways, the unknowns will be known tomorrow and we have a 3 hour lunch break to throw something together as we learn more.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Holiday
Today I am off on my month and a half vacation, so I don't know how often I will be able to blog.
First stop, Henan Province to a city called Kai Feng.
Second stop, Tianshui for a two week summer project.
Next stops, a bit up in the air at the moment, depending on funds.
First stop, Henan Province to a city called Kai Feng.
Second stop, Tianshui for a two week summer project.
Next stops, a bit up in the air at the moment, depending on funds.
Friday, July 03, 2009
Why give away a baby?
Why would a Taiwanese mother in the 1970's give up a daughter for adoption?
Lately, I have been asking my students why would my birthmother give up a daughter for adoption?
Growing up with an American culture I had my own theories and assumptions:
1. My birthmother was a teenage unmarried girl who could not take care of a baby.
2. My birthmother was a prostitute.
3. Abortion was illegal.
However, hearing my students' points of view has been very eye-opening.
Often families will try to have at least one boy. The reason some families are so big is because they have three girls while trying to a have a boy. It is not uncommon for these girls to be given to other families. Some of my female students talk about the distress they felt when they heard stories of their grandparents wanting their parents to give them away to another family because they couldn't afford a 2nd or 3rd mouth to feed plus try to have a boy. So maybe I was the first, second, or third daughter and the family wanted a boy.
My brother is also adopted. Why would a Taiwanese mother give up a precious baby boy for adoption?
My students said that maybe he was the third son and the family was too poor to take care of him.
Maybe his mother was a teenager. In China it is very taboo to be unmarried and pregnant. My students told me a story that happened a couple of years ago about a college girl who got pregnant and the leaders of the school wouldn't give her the college diploma.
According to my students answers, I think the three main reasons mothers give up babies in China are:
1. too poor to afford another mouth to feed
2. teenage pregnancy
3. want to have a boy
Lately, I have been asking my students why would my birthmother give up a daughter for adoption?
Growing up with an American culture I had my own theories and assumptions:
1. My birthmother was a teenage unmarried girl who could not take care of a baby.
2. My birthmother was a prostitute.
3. Abortion was illegal.
However, hearing my students' points of view has been very eye-opening.
Often families will try to have at least one boy. The reason some families are so big is because they have three girls while trying to a have a boy. It is not uncommon for these girls to be given to other families. Some of my female students talk about the distress they felt when they heard stories of their grandparents wanting their parents to give them away to another family because they couldn't afford a 2nd or 3rd mouth to feed plus try to have a boy. So maybe I was the first, second, or third daughter and the family wanted a boy.
My brother is also adopted. Why would a Taiwanese mother give up a precious baby boy for adoption?
My students said that maybe he was the third son and the family was too poor to take care of him.
Maybe his mother was a teenager. In China it is very taboo to be unmarried and pregnant. My students told me a story that happened a couple of years ago about a college girl who got pregnant and the leaders of the school wouldn't give her the college diploma.
According to my students answers, I think the three main reasons mothers give up babies in China are:
1. too poor to afford another mouth to feed
2. teenage pregnancy
3. want to have a boy
I am not American.
In my little city, I am known as the translator of the American who teaches at Longdong College.
How does that make me feel? How does not being American, not being the special foreigner make me feel? Do I feel the urge to SHOUT it out to the world that I AM AMERICAN! Stop having Chinese expectations about me. Stop expecting me to speak fluent Chinese. Stop expecting me to translate my friend's Chinese pronunciation. Stop laughing at my manly Chaco sandals that are not the dainty high heels that all the females wear. In the winter, stop wondering if I am a man or a woman.
The thing is I don't mind being the weird Chinese person who wears African clothes, manly clothes and hair. I don't mind being the old spinster who still hasn't gotten married. (Chinese women get married at 24. After that, they start getting too old to attract any males.) I don't mind being the Chinese person with excellent English.
I don't feel this strong urge to force people to acknowledge that I am American. I don't mind blending in.
I do mind though having restrictions put on me because I am female. "Travelling alone is too dangerous for females." This past school year, my travel has been restricted because I want to travel alone; however, I am kind of suspicious that it might be an indirect no. Maybe they don't want me to travel during the school year since for my summer plans of travelling to Vietnam alone, they had no problems with it. Indirect communication is sometimes difficult for us Americans to understand.
I don't mind superficially being known as a Chinese person; however, when it comes to more complicated inter-cultural issues, I am American. That is when I need understanding on the Chinese side that I am not Chinese but a foreigner.
How does that make me feel? How does not being American, not being the special foreigner make me feel? Do I feel the urge to SHOUT it out to the world that I AM AMERICAN! Stop having Chinese expectations about me. Stop expecting me to speak fluent Chinese. Stop expecting me to translate my friend's Chinese pronunciation. Stop laughing at my manly Chaco sandals that are not the dainty high heels that all the females wear. In the winter, stop wondering if I am a man or a woman.
The thing is I don't mind being the weird Chinese person who wears African clothes, manly clothes and hair. I don't mind being the old spinster who still hasn't gotten married. (Chinese women get married at 24. After that, they start getting too old to attract any males.) I don't mind being the Chinese person with excellent English.
I don't feel this strong urge to force people to acknowledge that I am American. I don't mind blending in.
I do mind though having restrictions put on me because I am female. "Travelling alone is too dangerous for females." This past school year, my travel has been restricted because I want to travel alone; however, I am kind of suspicious that it might be an indirect no. Maybe they don't want me to travel during the school year since for my summer plans of travelling to Vietnam alone, they had no problems with it. Indirect communication is sometimes difficult for us Americans to understand.
I don't mind superficially being known as a Chinese person; however, when it comes to more complicated inter-cultural issues, I am American. That is when I need understanding on the Chinese side that I am not Chinese but a foreigner.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
You are Chinese. No I'm not.
What is it like being Chinese American in China? Is it challenging? Is it frustrating? Does it make things easier?
Often as we sit outside under a big red umbrella drinking beer and milk tea, people ask, "Where are you from?"
I can never say I am American, and if the white American who I hang with all of the time points at me and says, "American," my American friend is corrected, "No. She is Chinese." We have both learned how to say the Chinese phrase, "American with Chinese heritage." That people will agree with.
I have gotten pretty good at explaining my adoption story in simple Chinese phrases.
I have two mothers.
One Chinese mother and one white American mother.
My Chinese mother didn't have any money.
She gave me to the American mother.
(Notice I do not use the phrase Taiwanese mother; although, once they know I am Chinese American they now want to know where my ancestors are from. I say Taiwan and that is no problem.)
Sometimes I am much more of a curiosity than my white American friend. Often I will be the center of attention while my white American friend sits there looking lonely nursing a beer as a flurry of Chinese is directed at me. Because of course since I am American with Chinese heritage I can speak Chinese. After they realize that my Chinese is a bit limited, they point at Caitlin and start asking questions about her and finally ask, "Can she understand Chinese?"
At restaurants I am always given the menu, but I do not study written Chinese. I push the menu towards Caitlin coz she studies written Chinese and can probably read at least 100 characters now. But then as soon as she opens her mouth to order, the waitress looks at me. I repeat the exact phrase that was just said and sometimes we get some food. Other times, we sit there repeating and repeating and repeating until eventually they figure it out. I bet they are wondering, what kind of Chinese is that Chinese person speaking? But actually they probably don't even think about it because China is full of so many dialects. Often people don't understand each other especially people from other regions.
In the Treehouse, an English resource center, I can often sit inconspicuously in the corner, while a non-major comes in and bombards Caitlin with a desire to speak English. That is sometimes nice getting a break from trying to understand limited broken English.
In Xian, a big tourist center, we often hope just my quiet muted presence will get us a reasonable price to start bargaining down rather than exuberant prices that have like a 300% markup. I always hope that my Chinese skin doesn't get me terribly ripped off and maybe I trust it a bit too much. I should rely more on bargaining skills which I still have not perfected even after years of living in Africa. But come on, how are we suppose to know what the good price is to even bargain for? The other day I wanted to buy a tank top. The first price given was $25. I think tank tops should be a $1, but clothes in China especially in some stores are super expensive. Wal-Mart is cheaper than Chinese clothing stores!
So what is it like being Chinese American in China?
It is interesting. I have different stories to tell than other Americans in China, and actually, now that I think about it me being the Chinese American sidekick might make it more frustrating for my sitemate. For me though, having Caitlin as a sidekick, makes things easier, hanging out with the white chick brings me face. Travelling alone this summer might be quite frustrating.
Often as we sit outside under a big red umbrella drinking beer and milk tea, people ask, "Where are you from?"
I can never say I am American, and if the white American who I hang with all of the time points at me and says, "American," my American friend is corrected, "No. She is Chinese." We have both learned how to say the Chinese phrase, "American with Chinese heritage." That people will agree with.
I have gotten pretty good at explaining my adoption story in simple Chinese phrases.
I have two mothers.
One Chinese mother and one white American mother.
My Chinese mother didn't have any money.
She gave me to the American mother.
(Notice I do not use the phrase Taiwanese mother; although, once they know I am Chinese American they now want to know where my ancestors are from. I say Taiwan and that is no problem.)
Sometimes I am much more of a curiosity than my white American friend. Often I will be the center of attention while my white American friend sits there looking lonely nursing a beer as a flurry of Chinese is directed at me. Because of course since I am American with Chinese heritage I can speak Chinese. After they realize that my Chinese is a bit limited, they point at Caitlin and start asking questions about her and finally ask, "Can she understand Chinese?"
At restaurants I am always given the menu, but I do not study written Chinese. I push the menu towards Caitlin coz she studies written Chinese and can probably read at least 100 characters now. But then as soon as she opens her mouth to order, the waitress looks at me. I repeat the exact phrase that was just said and sometimes we get some food. Other times, we sit there repeating and repeating and repeating until eventually they figure it out. I bet they are wondering, what kind of Chinese is that Chinese person speaking? But actually they probably don't even think about it because China is full of so many dialects. Often people don't understand each other especially people from other regions.
In the Treehouse, an English resource center, I can often sit inconspicuously in the corner, while a non-major comes in and bombards Caitlin with a desire to speak English. That is sometimes nice getting a break from trying to understand limited broken English.
In Xian, a big tourist center, we often hope just my quiet muted presence will get us a reasonable price to start bargaining down rather than exuberant prices that have like a 300% markup. I always hope that my Chinese skin doesn't get me terribly ripped off and maybe I trust it a bit too much. I should rely more on bargaining skills which I still have not perfected even after years of living in Africa. But come on, how are we suppose to know what the good price is to even bargain for? The other day I wanted to buy a tank top. The first price given was $25. I think tank tops should be a $1, but clothes in China especially in some stores are super expensive. Wal-Mart is cheaper than Chinese clothing stores!
So what is it like being Chinese American in China?
It is interesting. I have different stories to tell than other Americans in China, and actually, now that I think about it me being the Chinese American sidekick might make it more frustrating for my sitemate. For me though, having Caitlin as a sidekick, makes things easier, hanging out with the white chick brings me face. Travelling alone this summer might be quite frustrating.
Party Planner: Pictures Included
One big difference between organizing parties in China and in America is the amount of time and types of activities one should plan. In America, you plan the menu of a dinner party and then let the guests drink wine and entertain themselves with conversations. In China parties and outings are filled with planned activities and they last for HOURS! I have been invited on 6 hour outings where you eat a meal, then play a couple of hours of Mahjong and then go on a long walk in the nearby park. I have been on 6 hour dinner parties where you first eat a banquet and then do a fun activity like karaoke.
So planning an appreciation party for our students who volunteered in the English resource center was a big challenge coz they are expecting to spend several hours playing games and eating. It is like planning a Chucky Cheese outing or a skating rink birthday party. Last semester we played white elephant, but it didn't last very long. That party was too short.
This semester because it is warm we planned an outdoor party and ate watermelon and cake at the back gate picnic tables. But what game? What form of entertainment?
We sent the students on a 40 minute photo scavenger hunt. It took the pressure off of us of having to entertain them for hours.
The students LOVED it!
Each team had a list that asked them to take pictures of
5 people jumping (the students thought this was SUPER fun trying to capture 10 feet off the ground)
5 shirtless boys (they tried to get the basketball players, but no one was willing to take off their shirts)
A boy with two earrings (because one earring was too small, they switched the small one with a big girly one)
2 people kissing (impossible)
A picture of chairman Mao
3 or more people riding a bike (the students staged this)
A child eating ice cream (The students made one little boy cry who didn't want his picture taken, but then found one girl who was very cooperative. The teams found the same girl. One team's picture had a non-eaten ice cream. The other team had a half-eaten ice cream.)
20 victory signs (Taught the students how to organize 20 people or 10 people if they were smart)
An old couple holding hands (This was challenging and taught the students persuasive skills. The older couple was extremely shy and said, “We have never done this before.”)
And a bunch more….
This was a super fun game for the students creating an activity that they can tell stories about to their roommates and classmates. It is hard living on a little campus where everyone knows everyone, where everyone is doing the same thing, where gossip has been repeated a million times. Stories become few.
Try a scavenger hunt if you are looking for a fun activity to share with your students.
Try a scavenger hunt if you just want an hour of chill time while waiting for your students to come back.
Try a scavenger hunt if you are trying to plan a Chinese party. Our party lasted 2 hours, a record for us.
If you want to see some pictures from one of the two teams, email me. In each photo is one of our students. One of the rules was to be in the picture with the found item.
So planning an appreciation party for our students who volunteered in the English resource center was a big challenge coz they are expecting to spend several hours playing games and eating. It is like planning a Chucky Cheese outing or a skating rink birthday party. Last semester we played white elephant, but it didn't last very long. That party was too short.
This semester because it is warm we planned an outdoor party and ate watermelon and cake at the back gate picnic tables. But what game? What form of entertainment?
We sent the students on a 40 minute photo scavenger hunt. It took the pressure off of us of having to entertain them for hours.
The students LOVED it!
Each team had a list that asked them to take pictures of
5 people jumping (the students thought this was SUPER fun trying to capture 10 feet off the ground)
5 shirtless boys (they tried to get the basketball players, but no one was willing to take off their shirts)
A boy with two earrings (because one earring was too small, they switched the small one with a big girly one)
2 people kissing (impossible)
A picture of chairman Mao
3 or more people riding a bike (the students staged this)
A child eating ice cream (The students made one little boy cry who didn't want his picture taken, but then found one girl who was very cooperative. The teams found the same girl. One team's picture had a non-eaten ice cream. The other team had a half-eaten ice cream.)
20 victory signs (Taught the students how to organize 20 people or 10 people if they were smart)
An old couple holding hands (This was challenging and taught the students persuasive skills. The older couple was extremely shy and said, “We have never done this before.”)
And a bunch more….
This was a super fun game for the students creating an activity that they can tell stories about to their roommates and classmates. It is hard living on a little campus where everyone knows everyone, where everyone is doing the same thing, where gossip has been repeated a million times. Stories become few.
Try a scavenger hunt if you are looking for a fun activity to share with your students.
Try a scavenger hunt if you just want an hour of chill time while waiting for your students to come back.
Try a scavenger hunt if you are trying to plan a Chinese party. Our party lasted 2 hours, a record for us.
If you want to see some pictures from one of the two teams, email me. In each photo is one of our students. One of the rules was to be in the picture with the found item.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Streets and streets full of shop windows
One thing that I don't like is the constant bombardment of shop windows filled with female mannequins dressed in the latest Chinese fashion. Every time I leave my house, I am in a shopping mall. It is worse than TV advertisements. I feel this great need to buy, buy, and buy some more fashionable clothes or at least get some tailored made since the clothes here don't fit me. But, I don't want a wardrobe full of hardly worn clothes. I prefer wearing the same outfit over and over again until the stink has to be washed out. Yet, every day, I think of something new that I think I need, need because I see it in a shop window.
Tomorrow I guess I will head to the tailor and put in an order for a summer wrap skirt, ankle length. (I am still not over 2 years of modestly covering up in West Africa. No knee high skirts for me even though I see them everywhere here in China. I even see short shorts worn over tights or short shorts worn with pretty strappy sandals with ankle high nylon socks.)
I have no self control. ugh!
Tomorrow I guess I will head to the tailor and put in an order for a summer wrap skirt, ankle length. (I am still not over 2 years of modestly covering up in West Africa. No knee high skirts for me even though I see them everywhere here in China. I even see short shorts worn over tights or short shorts worn with pretty strappy sandals with ankle high nylon socks.)
I have no self control. ugh!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
First of hopefully many more overnight bike trips
As a Peace Corps volunteer, one must get approval from one's school for any trips away from site. My school gave me a very definite direct NO. Their reason was it is too dangerous and too far. But then Peace Corps called them and lo and behold, I got approval. My depression instantly turned into joy.
In China, ups and downs come very sudden and often come at the very last moment possible. A yes can turn into a no an hour before you are ready to leave. A no can turn into a yes the night before your trip. A command, "Come to this meeting," can be given 5 minutes before the start of the meeting. Remember the Peace Corps mantra, "Be flexible."
Xifeng to Heshui
Distance 54 km (one way)
To Heshui 4 hours
Highlights: Racing down a HUGE winding mountain praying that my brakes would hold.
Surprise in Heshui: As I was wandering the one street city, I decided to check out the bus station and lo and behold I ran into one of my students. The world is small.
Difficulty in Heshui: I woke up at 4:30 am ready to get on the road as the world becomes light around 5 am, but I was locked in. It took me 20 minutes to wake up the desk manager who had to check my room for any damages in order to give me back my 100 RMB deposit. Then she had to wake the gate keeper to let me out. I was on the road by 5:10 am.
Back home 5 hours
Highlights: Pushing my bike 45 minutes up the HUGE winding mountain praying that two trucks wouldn't come at the same moment.
Biking on pavement even with the one gear bike is faster than biking on a 21 speed mountain bike on dirt roads in Africa. I miss biking for long distances. Riding through the empty streets at 5 am this morning reminded me of the many trips in Guinea.
Enjoy the few pictures.
In China, ups and downs come very sudden and often come at the very last moment possible. A yes can turn into a no an hour before you are ready to leave. A no can turn into a yes the night before your trip. A command, "Come to this meeting," can be given 5 minutes before the start of the meeting. Remember the Peace Corps mantra, "Be flexible."
Xifeng to Heshui
Distance 54 km (one way)
To Heshui 4 hours
Highlights: Racing down a HUGE winding mountain praying that my brakes would hold.
Surprise in Heshui: As I was wandering the one street city, I decided to check out the bus station and lo and behold I ran into one of my students. The world is small.
Difficulty in Heshui: I woke up at 4:30 am ready to get on the road as the world becomes light around 5 am, but I was locked in. It took me 20 minutes to wake up the desk manager who had to check my room for any damages in order to give me back my 100 RMB deposit. Then she had to wake the gate keeper to let me out. I was on the road by 5:10 am.
Back home 5 hours
Highlights: Pushing my bike 45 minutes up the HUGE winding mountain praying that two trucks wouldn't come at the same moment.
Biking on pavement even with the one gear bike is faster than biking on a 21 speed mountain bike on dirt roads in Africa. I miss biking for long distances. Riding through the empty streets at 5 am this morning reminded me of the many trips in Guinea.
Enjoy the few pictures.
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| China |
Friday, June 19, 2009
Do I need a vacation from China?
Do you think there is a phenomenon called culture fatigue?
As the semester comes to an end and as I wait in purgatory, waiting to hear when our summer teaching project will start, I am tired, exhausted kind of.
I don't have much work.
I am not teaching anymore.
I finished grading my seniors' finals.
Now I am waiting for my freshmen to take their finals.
The sun is shining and I have plenty of lovely chill moments eating watermelon at the outdoor stand, hanging out at the local shou kou (BBQ) garden and going on bike rides in the countryside.
So why am I tired?
Even though I don't have any official school work, maybe I am always on, always working because I live in another culture. Even though I feel I am settled into my Chinese community, maybe it takes work to actually just live here: working through the cultural differences, always talking in another language, working to understand the various nuances of this culture, often being the center of attention, and having one's expectations dashed.
These past weeks have been a struggle. My sitemate and I pushed hard to go to Tianshui, got permission, and then had our passports taken away. We have met new people and try to figure out what their body language means, their tough attitudes. We have had day long outings with colleagues and their families which was relaxing but also tiring, spending a lot of time socializing and speaking Chinese. I spent a couple of days grading finals with so many copied verbatim answers for the writing essays and for the independent study. We spent a couple of days trying to crack the department's rules and regulations about cheating, about whether or not we can fail seniors who didn't make a 60 on their finals, and about what type of format to submit grades.
Is there a way to rest from culture fatigue?
As the semester comes to an end and as I wait in purgatory, waiting to hear when our summer teaching project will start, I am tired, exhausted kind of.
I don't have much work.
I am not teaching anymore.
I finished grading my seniors' finals.
Now I am waiting for my freshmen to take their finals.
The sun is shining and I have plenty of lovely chill moments eating watermelon at the outdoor stand, hanging out at the local shou kou (BBQ) garden and going on bike rides in the countryside.
So why am I tired?
Even though I don't have any official school work, maybe I am always on, always working because I live in another culture. Even though I feel I am settled into my Chinese community, maybe it takes work to actually just live here: working through the cultural differences, always talking in another language, working to understand the various nuances of this culture, often being the center of attention, and having one's expectations dashed.
These past weeks have been a struggle. My sitemate and I pushed hard to go to Tianshui, got permission, and then had our passports taken away. We have met new people and try to figure out what their body language means, their tough attitudes. We have had day long outings with colleagues and their families which was relaxing but also tiring, spending a lot of time socializing and speaking Chinese. I spent a couple of days grading finals with so many copied verbatim answers for the writing essays and for the independent study. We spent a couple of days trying to crack the department's rules and regulations about cheating, about whether or not we can fail seniors who didn't make a 60 on their finals, and about what type of format to submit grades.
Is there a way to rest from culture fatigue?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Cheating, Dust, and the Military
I am in a funk.
Summer has arrived and school is coming to an end so I should be in a happy mood, instead I am in a funk: a funk in teaching, a funk in cleaning my house, a funk in thinking about my life and future.
I just finished grading my first senior literature final and will have another senior literature final to grade tonight. Then I will have a week off before grading my freshmen finals.
Grading and catching cheaters is one of the worse parts of being a teacher. I hate realizing at the end of the semester that my class actually had 32 students instead of the 22 who came regularly. I hate failing students but what can I do when they don't score well on the final even with their cheat sheets and their pencil written essays on their desktops almost invisible even to them which is why it was easy to catch. Why was she staring so hard at her desk and not her test paper?
There were several students who did extremely well on the final. I am not out to get students or to fail them. My tests are what I teach. But if they don't come to class, what can I do other than hope that they have good friends who take good notes or are really good cheaters. Today in class I caught 2 cheat sheets with tiny writing on them and 2 more sheets with the multiple choice answers. Multiple choice is so easy to grade, but so easy to cheat on especially if you can't have A/B tests. With cheating I would rather just not know about it.
My house is a mess. I try to sweep and mop everyday, but all of the windows are open because it is hot. Dust fills the apartment, not as bad as in Africa. Here in my Chinese apartment, there is so MUCH MORE stuff to get dusty compared to my African two room one car garage. Also, is it me or is it because I am a teacher that my house is full of papers and junk? I need to get rid of everything.
One more year and my Peace Corps service will be over, truly over. No more extending or transferring anymore. At four years, I think Peace Corps will kick me out. Plus I am getting old. Maybe it is time to think about earning some money before I am too old.
What am I going to do when I leave Peace Corps?
Try to find a job in China?
I think I need to make some money. In China I could possibly make about $800 a month and after living on $100 a month on the PC stipend, I know I could save a lot. But I am tired of teaching. An unmotivated teacher does a lot of harm to her students. I don't want to be that teacher.
Go back to school?
I was glad when I finished 10 years of a university education. I hate tests. They stress me out a LOT coz I am a high achiever and study too much! Plus the applications? The worrying about how to pay for it? Going into debt when I have been debt free my whole life? I don't know. It sounds like a hassle.
Join the military?
I enjoy physical and life changing challenges. It would be an adventure and I would get paid doing it. The only thing I worry about is being placed in a job that I hate and having to endure it for four years.
Get a job in the USA?
I am reading a book The Working Poor. It is so discouraging!
So there you have it. My options with none of them seeming to be really that great.
Yep, I am in a funk.
Although even in a funk, there are still beautiful bits:
Long bike rides on flat roads in the almost car-less countryside
Sitting on a bench in the back gate eating watermelon as the Chinese fashion show walks by accompanied by the cutest babies and smiling children
Eating 4 sticks of fatty delicious grilled lamb in the setting sunlight
Summer has arrived and school is coming to an end so I should be in a happy mood, instead I am in a funk: a funk in teaching, a funk in cleaning my house, a funk in thinking about my life and future.
I just finished grading my first senior literature final and will have another senior literature final to grade tonight. Then I will have a week off before grading my freshmen finals.
Grading and catching cheaters is one of the worse parts of being a teacher. I hate realizing at the end of the semester that my class actually had 32 students instead of the 22 who came regularly. I hate failing students but what can I do when they don't score well on the final even with their cheat sheets and their pencil written essays on their desktops almost invisible even to them which is why it was easy to catch. Why was she staring so hard at her desk and not her test paper?
There were several students who did extremely well on the final. I am not out to get students or to fail them. My tests are what I teach. But if they don't come to class, what can I do other than hope that they have good friends who take good notes or are really good cheaters. Today in class I caught 2 cheat sheets with tiny writing on them and 2 more sheets with the multiple choice answers. Multiple choice is so easy to grade, but so easy to cheat on especially if you can't have A/B tests. With cheating I would rather just not know about it.
My house is a mess. I try to sweep and mop everyday, but all of the windows are open because it is hot. Dust fills the apartment, not as bad as in Africa. Here in my Chinese apartment, there is so MUCH MORE stuff to get dusty compared to my African two room one car garage. Also, is it me or is it because I am a teacher that my house is full of papers and junk? I need to get rid of everything.
One more year and my Peace Corps service will be over, truly over. No more extending or transferring anymore. At four years, I think Peace Corps will kick me out. Plus I am getting old. Maybe it is time to think about earning some money before I am too old.
What am I going to do when I leave Peace Corps?
Try to find a job in China?
I think I need to make some money. In China I could possibly make about $800 a month and after living on $100 a month on the PC stipend, I know I could save a lot. But I am tired of teaching. An unmotivated teacher does a lot of harm to her students. I don't want to be that teacher.
Go back to school?
I was glad when I finished 10 years of a university education. I hate tests. They stress me out a LOT coz I am a high achiever and study too much! Plus the applications? The worrying about how to pay for it? Going into debt when I have been debt free my whole life? I don't know. It sounds like a hassle.
Join the military?
I enjoy physical and life changing challenges. It would be an adventure and I would get paid doing it. The only thing I worry about is being placed in a job that I hate and having to endure it for four years.
Get a job in the USA?
I am reading a book The Working Poor. It is so discouraging!
So there you have it. My options with none of them seeming to be really that great.
Yep, I am in a funk.
Although even in a funk, there are still beautiful bits:
Long bike rides on flat roads in the almost car-less countryside
Sitting on a bench in the back gate eating watermelon as the Chinese fashion show walks by accompanied by the cutest babies and smiling children
Eating 4 sticks of fatty delicious grilled lamb in the setting sunlight
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Am I too cautious about men?
In America, I was afraid of male strangers who started conversations with me in public places like bars, dance clubs, buses, coffee shops, and restaurants. They were strangers and so I didn't trust them. Plus in American culture, if a guy starts talking to you then it can often be assumed that they are trying to hit on you. I hate being hit on. I was very good at putting up a cold wall, deterring any strangers from talking to me. Also, in America I had a better intuition about the intentions of a stranger talking to me, an ability to tell the difference between a guy hitting on me versus a guy who is just being friendly, trying to make friendly small talk.
In China, I am still afraid of male strangers, but for different reasons:
1. language barrier
My limited language skills are not strong enough to really understand what is being said nor to infer what type of intentions the strangers have. As a trusting foreigner, it seems to me that strangers are really hospitable, offering free drink and food in an innocently, friendly, exchange for a special evening with foreigners.
2. me being in the dark about male female dynamics in Chinese culture
I know nothing about the dynamics between males and females in China. Do strangers hit on girls? What does it mean for a female to drink with male strangers? Is it all innocent fun? What assumptions do Chinese men have about foreign women? Is it strange for a 55 year old man to talk to young women?
3. I look Chinese
Because I look Chinese, the expectations and assumptions about me are probably different than for a woman who looks like she is from a foreign country. I don't know what these expectations or assumptions are. I can get into trouble assuming that people will treat me like the foreigner who gets special treatment.
4. cultural differences
In Africa many men were married or had a girlfriend. Many of them tried to catch a girl's attention, lots of cat calls and cheating on their spouses. I felt it was important to dress very conservatively and be seen as married, a coping method against all of the men who would have wanted me to be their wife/girlfriend. In China, I don't know what the cultural differences are; therefore, I don't know how to apply a coping method to what strangers may or may not be assuming or expecting from me. Is their offer of beer, food and conversation just friendliness? Or is there something behind their offer?
5. drinking
Many men drink a LOT and get drunk and loud. There are two very popular drinking games, a dice game, and a shouting match at guessing the correct number that is thrown out using hand signals. Even rock, paper, scissors is a drinking game. Losers drink beer out of a shot glass. I have seen so many fights and people yelling at each other. I have seen beer bottles smashed over each other's heads and blood pouring down faces and out of ears. Drunk strangers scare me.
In America I am wary of strangers who are men.
In China, I don't know what I should feel about strangers who are men. This uncertainty and non-cultural understanding on my part makes me super cautious and a party pooper who goes home early. I just don't trust myself in this culture that I do not understand yet. I feel a false sense of security. I feel Chinese men are non-aggressive, friendly, curious and hospitable when it comes to foreign women. But maybe there are unseen dangers that I am unaware of. Or maybe I am just letting my fears of American and African male strangers make wrong assumptions about male strangers in China. Maybe I am just an anxiety driven worrywart and shouldn't worry. Maybe I should just be socially friendly and accept men's kindness and hospitality.
In China, I am still afraid of male strangers, but for different reasons:
1. language barrier
My limited language skills are not strong enough to really understand what is being said nor to infer what type of intentions the strangers have. As a trusting foreigner, it seems to me that strangers are really hospitable, offering free drink and food in an innocently, friendly, exchange for a special evening with foreigners.
2. me being in the dark about male female dynamics in Chinese culture
I know nothing about the dynamics between males and females in China. Do strangers hit on girls? What does it mean for a female to drink with male strangers? Is it all innocent fun? What assumptions do Chinese men have about foreign women? Is it strange for a 55 year old man to talk to young women?
3. I look Chinese
Because I look Chinese, the expectations and assumptions about me are probably different than for a woman who looks like she is from a foreign country. I don't know what these expectations or assumptions are. I can get into trouble assuming that people will treat me like the foreigner who gets special treatment.
4. cultural differences
In Africa many men were married or had a girlfriend. Many of them tried to catch a girl's attention, lots of cat calls and cheating on their spouses. I felt it was important to dress very conservatively and be seen as married, a coping method against all of the men who would have wanted me to be their wife/girlfriend. In China, I don't know what the cultural differences are; therefore, I don't know how to apply a coping method to what strangers may or may not be assuming or expecting from me. Is their offer of beer, food and conversation just friendliness? Or is there something behind their offer?
5. drinking
Many men drink a LOT and get drunk and loud. There are two very popular drinking games, a dice game, and a shouting match at guessing the correct number that is thrown out using hand signals. Even rock, paper, scissors is a drinking game. Losers drink beer out of a shot glass. I have seen so many fights and people yelling at each other. I have seen beer bottles smashed over each other's heads and blood pouring down faces and out of ears. Drunk strangers scare me.
In America I am wary of strangers who are men.
In China, I don't know what I should feel about strangers who are men. This uncertainty and non-cultural understanding on my part makes me super cautious and a party pooper who goes home early. I just don't trust myself in this culture that I do not understand yet. I feel a false sense of security. I feel Chinese men are non-aggressive, friendly, curious and hospitable when it comes to foreign women. But maybe there are unseen dangers that I am unaware of. Or maybe I am just letting my fears of American and African male strangers make wrong assumptions about male strangers in China. Maybe I am just an anxiety driven worrywart and shouldn't worry. Maybe I should just be socially friendly and accept men's kindness and hospitality.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Saturday Morning
At 6 am this morning I ran through empty streets while holding my breath every time I passed the dust cloud of street sweepers dressed in their orange vests and black mouth covers. I ran to our local park which has a 25 cent entry fee except in the mornings when it is free. Loud techno music was blaring from this park and elderly people were dancing. With my fingers in my ears I ran past them hoping for a more quiet moment in the park that has a large man made lake with pretty bridges and amusement park rides. As the techno music dimmed, I felt like I had entered a Disney wildlife adventure ride where speakers blare the sounds of the animals. But it wasn't speakers, it was 20 people exercising their vocal cords, loud shouts and extended notes very primal sounds.
After a 50 minute run I played a bit of basketball, but only played three games. 10 baskets win each game. Then I went to the back gate and got a bowl of red bean porridge with long deep fried bread that you dip into the porridge. I sat down and then a couple of students sat down with me, getting their morning breakfast before a 3.5 hour lecture on linguistics. It really is a pleasant way to spend a morning, joining in the community of early risers.
After a 50 minute run I played a bit of basketball, but only played three games. 10 baskets win each game. Then I went to the back gate and got a bowl of red bean porridge with long deep fried bread that you dip into the porridge. I sat down and then a couple of students sat down with me, getting their morning breakfast before a 3.5 hour lecture on linguistics. It really is a pleasant way to spend a morning, joining in the community of early risers.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Endure Pain to Withdraw Money
Today I went on a 40 minute run around the city block, only one half of the whole city. I was looking for money. I passed two banks where there weren't any cash machines except inside. Only able to get money when the bank is open. So after 35 minutes of running in a drizzle, I found one of my bank's outdoor cash machines.
I pushed my card in and the machine shocked me, a low voltage murmur that ran through my arm to my elbow, nothing like the electric fences that my brother and I used to dare each other to touch. When I keyed in my password, no shock. When I pressed the yes buttons near the screen, shock shock shock. Boy, that bank really doesn't want you to have any of their money. But I think they have to up the voltage if they want to keep people from withdrawing cash. The desire for money was worth the pain of the shock treatment.
I pushed my card in and the machine shocked me, a low voltage murmur that ran through my arm to my elbow, nothing like the electric fences that my brother and I used to dare each other to touch. When I keyed in my password, no shock. When I pressed the yes buttons near the screen, shock shock shock. Boy, that bank really doesn't want you to have any of their money. But I think they have to up the voltage if they want to keep people from withdrawing cash. The desire for money was worth the pain of the shock treatment.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Must Have Quick Hands When Buying Veggies
Unlike the US where you take your vegetables and fruit to be weighed at the checkout counter, in China the checkout ladies ONLY scan and punch in numbers. They don't weigh anything. If you go up to the checkout counter with a bunch of bagged veggies without a scan label, you are out of luck and must return to the produce section where there is ONE lady weighing ALL of the vegetables that the HUGE population of Chinese people are eating. This lady stands at her electric weight machine punching in vegetable numbers. The machine spits out a sticker and she sticks it on your vegetable. Around this lady is a mass of 10-20 people all wanting to have their bags of vegetables weighed. There is NO order!
Follow this procedure when trying to get your veggies weighed:
1. Push your way through the crowd so that you are in a hands reach of the machine.
2. Have both hands free so you can put a vegetable on, and take a vegetable off.
3. Have quick hands and put your vegetable on the machine before the next person.
3. Don't get mad if someone has quicker hands than you.
4. Get ready to place your next vegetable on.
5. Continue until all of your vegetables have been weighed and priced.
Best of luck. Or just go to the grocery store during nap time when no one is trying to buy vegetables for lunch or dinner.
Follow this procedure when trying to get your veggies weighed:
1. Push your way through the crowd so that you are in a hands reach of the machine.
2. Have both hands free so you can put a vegetable on, and take a vegetable off.
3. Have quick hands and put your vegetable on the machine before the next person.
3. Don't get mad if someone has quicker hands than you.
4. Get ready to place your next vegetable on.
5. Continue until all of your vegetables have been weighed and priced.
Best of luck. Or just go to the grocery store during nap time when no one is trying to buy vegetables for lunch or dinner.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
This Moment's Breath
steam rises
loose leaf tea leaves
open
in a trail of rustic sweetness
fall
float their way
like the slow motion of a lava lamp
steeped to a rich red chestnut
a peaceful drink of patience
in the morning sunlight
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Flying by the seat of one's pants
I had an excellent lesson plan prepared for today's Audio, Watching, and Listening Class that takes place in a multi-media room where every two students get their own computer screen and earphones. I was going to show the movie Whale Rider and have the students think about leadership and gender.
The American bought disk would not play on the computer!
What did I do?
Send the students home early?
I ran to my apartment which is 2 minutes away and searched through my DVDs. I found The Namesake. As the movie was loading, I quickly thought of discussion questions asking about the difficulties of immigrating to America, of having parents who immigrated, and of having children who were American raised.
I think it was the quickest lesson plan I have ever prepared.
The American bought disk would not play on the computer!
What did I do?
Send the students home early?
I ran to my apartment which is 2 minutes away and searched through my DVDs. I found The Namesake. As the movie was loading, I quickly thought of discussion questions asking about the difficulties of immigrating to America, of having parents who immigrated, and of having children who were American raised.
I think it was the quickest lesson plan I have ever prepared.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Healthy Living is Making Me Sick
Spring/Summer has arrived and I am feeling the desire to live a more healthy lifestyle after the months of winter cold. This week instead of eating out so much I started cooking more of my meals: more vegetables and fruit. I also have been running for the past couple of weeks about 4 days a week and doing kung fu twice a week. The sun rises early on this side of the globe. It is up by 5:30 am.
My tummy isn't very happy with the vegetables or fruit. In Africa I rarely had troubles with my bowels. I tried to find bleach today in the supermarket. I was directed to a bottle of liquid laundry detergent with a cute bear on it. I asked about bleach for washing vegetables and no one understood the concept.
I am not sure if I am sick because I am eating more fresh vegetables and fruit or if it is because I am eating dirty raw vegetables and fruit. I wish I had bleach.
My morning runs have been pleasant. Because I run in the early morning, I don't have to dodge cars when crossing streets and only have to watch out for the throngs of kids walking to school. I also have to watch out for odors. Every time I pass garbage cans or drains, I hold my breath. Sometimes I smell something pleasant like a strong whiff of cooking garlic or smells that remind me of travelling in Africa, the exhaust of big trucks.
I haven't been able to blog lately because China is blocking blogs and blogger.com. I am trying to post via a proxy.
My tummy isn't very happy with the vegetables or fruit. In Africa I rarely had troubles with my bowels. I tried to find bleach today in the supermarket. I was directed to a bottle of liquid laundry detergent with a cute bear on it. I asked about bleach for washing vegetables and no one understood the concept.
I am not sure if I am sick because I am eating more fresh vegetables and fruit or if it is because I am eating dirty raw vegetables and fruit. I wish I had bleach.
My morning runs have been pleasant. Because I run in the early morning, I don't have to dodge cars when crossing streets and only have to watch out for the throngs of kids walking to school. I also have to watch out for odors. Every time I pass garbage cans or drains, I hold my breath. Sometimes I smell something pleasant like a strong whiff of cooking garlic or smells that remind me of travelling in Africa, the exhaust of big trucks.
I haven't been able to blog lately because China is blocking blogs and blogger.com. I am trying to post via a proxy.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Improve Chinese by Saturday Morning Cartoons
Back during Peace Corps training in Chengdu, I remember being excited about understanding a lot of the Chinese dialogue while watching a cartoon for 5-7 year old kids about a little boy and his parents.
Watching Chinese cartoons for children is probably an excellent way to improve one's listening skills and if you watch it with a language tutor probably will help improve one's vocabulary. I
would love to watch fantasy and science fiction cartoons; however, the vocabulary and the situations the characters get into are too alien from Chinese used in everyday life. My language skills are not to that level yet. I am still working on being able to express my life story, dreams, and opinions in Chinese in a fluid way.
I am looking for Chinese cartoons for children that have everyday life situations. I would love to find the cartoon about the little boy and his two parents that I watched in Chengdu. Do you have any suggestions? I found this 大头儿子小头爸爸 cartoon. It is nice for language class because it is a 7 minute show.
Watching Chinese cartoons for children is probably an excellent way to improve one's listening skills and if you watch it with a language tutor probably will help improve one's vocabulary. I
would love to watch fantasy and science fiction cartoons; however, the vocabulary and the situations the characters get into are too alien from Chinese used in everyday life. My language skills are not to that level yet. I am still working on being able to express my life story, dreams, and opinions in Chinese in a fluid way.I am looking for Chinese cartoons for children that have everyday life situations. I would love to find the cartoon about the little boy and his two parents that I watched in Chengdu. Do you have any suggestions? I found this 大头儿子小头爸爸 cartoon. It is nice for language class because it is a 7 minute show.
When will summer vacation start?
I have teacheritis kind of like senioritis where as the ending of the school year approaches the less motivated people are to work. This is not the time to be having a motivational problem since I might still have at least 7 more weeks of school; although, my 8 hours of senior classes is rumored to be coming to an end in about 3-4 weeks. It will leave me with 4 hours of freshmen classes till the end of the semester.
As an American one would assume that there is a written out schedule for when finals will be and when graduation is, but here in China schedules come out a few days before the event.
The school wants me to have the final for the seniors written by next week; however, I have no idea when I will stop teaching which means I have no idea how many more literary works we will be studying. Because of this semester's chaotic schedule with the seniors I have only actually taught them about a total of 5 lessons in the past 4 months. How many more lessons will I teach?
One must learn to give up the idea of planning ahead and one must learn to expect the unexpected. These ideas are not only important lessons used during work but also for play.
We often learn maybe a couple days before a holiday that we will get a three day weekend. It makes it hard to plan trips.
I have no idea when anything ends or starts. This is probably one of the reasons contributing to my teacheritis. There is no end date in sight. It is impossible to start a countdown of when my summer vacation begins.
It is unsettling and because I am unmotivated to work I kind of wish that next Wednesday someone will inform me that we have a four day weekend next week; although, our school has restricted our travels. We are not allowed to leave our site because of the two cases of H1N1 flu in China.
What can I do as my heart feels impatient for the summer vacation to start? Take each day as it comes and don't think about summer vacation.
As an American one would assume that there is a written out schedule for when finals will be and when graduation is, but here in China schedules come out a few days before the event.
The school wants me to have the final for the seniors written by next week; however, I have no idea when I will stop teaching which means I have no idea how many more literary works we will be studying. Because of this semester's chaotic schedule with the seniors I have only actually taught them about a total of 5 lessons in the past 4 months. How many more lessons will I teach?
One must learn to give up the idea of planning ahead and one must learn to expect the unexpected. These ideas are not only important lessons used during work but also for play.
We often learn maybe a couple days before a holiday that we will get a three day weekend. It makes it hard to plan trips.
I have no idea when anything ends or starts. This is probably one of the reasons contributing to my teacheritis. There is no end date in sight. It is impossible to start a countdown of when my summer vacation begins.
It is unsettling and because I am unmotivated to work I kind of wish that next Wednesday someone will inform me that we have a four day weekend next week; although, our school has restricted our travels. We are not allowed to leave our site because of the two cases of H1N1 flu in China.
What can I do as my heart feels impatient for the summer vacation to start? Take each day as it comes and don't think about summer vacation.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Is it time to grow up?
I have never held a high paying job preferring living new experiences than making a lot of money. After finishing my PhD in physical chemistry and biomaterials, I spent a year doing minimum wage jobs in construction, in the bakery of a grocery store and in home health care. Then I did Peace Corps Africa. I am still in Peace Corps, still a volunteer, except now I am living in China.
I have never made money.
I have gained a lot of skills and experience in the past 10 years and I have learned that I don't want to work in a lab nor do I want to be a teacher unless I am living in an interesting place where I am not working 40 hours a week. My priorities are having time and living in a place I love. My priorities are not money or security.
However, it is expensive to die especially if you reach retirement age. Is it time to grow up? Up until now I have lived with the philosophy, "Work to meet one's basic necessities." Must I leave my philosophy to the wayside?
Should I adopt a new philosophy? "Work so I can pay for my death"
If I have to start working to make more than a volunteer's monthly allowance, what type of work should I do?
I have never made money.
I have gained a lot of skills and experience in the past 10 years and I have learned that I don't want to work in a lab nor do I want to be a teacher unless I am living in an interesting place where I am not working 40 hours a week. My priorities are having time and living in a place I love. My priorities are not money or security.
However, it is expensive to die especially if you reach retirement age. Is it time to grow up? Up until now I have lived with the philosophy, "Work to meet one's basic necessities." Must I leave my philosophy to the wayside?
Should I adopt a new philosophy? "Work so I can pay for my death"
If I have to start working to make more than a volunteer's monthly allowance, what type of work should I do?
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