I sometimes would hate life.
Here in Africa,
I sometimes feel sad and lonely,
but I never feel that I hate my life.
That makes me smile.
I love it here!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I am adopted
I feel like I have no roots.
I am connected to 30 years of life on this earth, but do not feel connected to anything older. My genetic makeup is my tradition. I have no cultural tradition. I am an outsider looking in, a reader doing research at the library.
No roots
No home
Am I burdened to forever wander, following me, for that is where my home is. I am my family.
Or does all of this have nothing to do with being adopted but has to do with age?
Am I in some common phase of life where 30 year olds think about their dreams, selfishly doing what they want following their hearts forsaking a life with family?
I am connected to 30 years of life on this earth, but do not feel connected to anything older. My genetic makeup is my tradition. I have no cultural tradition. I am an outsider looking in, a reader doing research at the library.
No roots
No home
Am I burdened to forever wander, following me, for that is where my home is. I am my family.
Or does all of this have nothing to do with being adopted but has to do with age?
Am I in some common phase of life where 30 year olds think about their dreams, selfishly doing what they want following their hearts forsaking a life with family?
Lights Out
Thursday 18 July
When dark falls it is easy to fall asleep even it if is only 7:30 pm.
Dark is dark here.
It is hard to differentiate a 7 o'clock dark from a 11 o'clock dark.
Electricity and light fool the body to stay up past dark.
When dark falls it is easy to fall asleep even it if is only 7:30 pm.
Dark is dark here.
It is hard to differentiate a 7 o'clock dark from a 11 o'clock dark.
Electricity and light fool the body to stay up past dark.
Dry Dirt
Wednesday 17 July
I have half an acre of land that I am planting using hand tools. A student plowed my land with a donkey while I was away.
Yesterday I planted peanuts and corn. Today beans.
I love physical labor feeling the sweat drip off of me like right after a cool bucket bath.
My 6 blisters hopefully will turn into calluses today rather than popped open sores.
I have half an acre of land that I am planting using hand tools. A student plowed my land with a donkey while I was away.
Yesterday I planted peanuts and corn. Today beans.
I love physical labor feeling the sweat drip off of me like right after a cool bucket bath.
My 6 blisters hopefully will turn into calluses today rather than popped open sores.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
When it rains
my yard turns into an
endless gigantic puddle.
Nice Damon is constructing
an elevated walkway from my
front door to the latrine
using clay and flat river rocks
that we collect daily strapping to our bikes.
He is so nice, isn't he?
Meals
Food is scarce.
People are planting.
Our diet consists of
noodles, oil, and onions
plus some yummy Nong Shim Shin Ramyun
a friend's sister so thoughtfully sent.
People are planting.
Our diet consists of
noodles, oil, and onions
plus some yummy Nong Shim Shin Ramyun
a friend's sister so thoughtfully sent.
Rain
I live outside, sleep, eat, read, and write outside.
But tonight the rain drove us inside.
Inside is scary.
Winged wispy bugs as long as a pinkie
and a HUGE rat plump as a grapefruit
who wanted to go outside
But tonight the rain drove us inside.
Inside is scary.
Winged wispy bugs as long as a pinkie
and a HUGE rat plump as a grapefruit
who wanted to go outside
but the screen door kept him on our side.
I did not scream.
And then an exclamation from Damon of "cute"
a pea-sized frog that Damon helped outside as he did with the rat.
What will the rest of the night bring?
a lime sized frog crawling up the screen door
a turtle swimming in the newly formed pond of a yard
to see or not to see?
which is better?
kerosene lamp on or off?
I did not scream.
And then an exclamation from Damon of "cute"
a pea-sized frog that Damon helped outside as he did with the rat.
What will the rest of the night bring?
a lime sized frog crawling up the screen door
a turtle swimming in the newly formed pond of a yard
to see or not to see?
which is better?
kerosene lamp on or off?
Writing
Saturday July 7
My writing has taken a hit.
Africa, life au village, provided the perfect writing environment to write in my journal, to write letters, blogs, and even various essays about love and relationships.
village
my perfect writing environment
solitary
quiet
lacking electricity and distraction
endless hours of
me and my pen
But with the arrival of Damon, a boyfriend, my writing has taken a hit. Having a 24 hour companion to take vacations to Banfora, Burkina Faso and to Ghana to experience new African sites and sounds put a stop sign on my writing.
But that is okay.
I've had fun travelling around. I don't like travelling probably due to my lifetime of car sickness. Without a companion I probably would have stayed put in my comfortable safe surroundings of village. I prefer the familiarity of having adapted and been accepted to a new culture rather than the stress of new money, of a maze of a new city, of drowning in a new language.
As a tourist, a new country, a new city, a new village, is not fun for me. Having a companion made it easier.
I love exploring new cultures as a long-term participant rather than a hello goodbye tourist.
My writing has taken a hit.
Africa, life au village, provided the perfect writing environment to write in my journal, to write letters, blogs, and even various essays about love and relationships.
my perfect writing environment
solitary
quiet
lacking electricity and distraction
endless hours of
me and my pen
But with the arrival of Damon, a boyfriend, my writing has taken a hit. Having a 24 hour companion to take vacations to Banfora, Burkina Faso and to Ghana to experience new African sites and sounds put a stop sign on my writing.
But that is okay.
I've had fun travelling around. I don't like travelling probably due to my lifetime of car sickness. Without a companion I probably would have stayed put in my comfortable safe surroundings of village. I prefer the familiarity of having adapted and been accepted to a new culture rather than the stress of new money, of a maze of a new city, of drowning in a new language.
As a tourist, a new country, a new city, a new village, is not fun for me. Having a companion made it easier.
I love exploring new cultures as a long-term participant rather than a hello goodbye tourist.
Friday, June 08, 2007
A Witch's Brew to make you feel Better
(for Damon)
In the morning
gobble rice and goat sauce,
stir in a cafe au lait
(sweetened condensed milk with instant coffee),
with a buttered baguette,
chomp on a slice of coconut,
drink zoom koom (ginger drink),
open up a mango,
and mix with
dried manioc shavings and fried fish,
try a mouthful of warm millet beer,
share a plate of grilled goat and lung,
sip a bottle of hot coke along
with warm Guinness
ending by mixing the two.
An African Tapas experience au village
Let the stomach rumble and grumble till nightfall.
Then throw it up and piss it out your ass.
Welcome to Africa.
In the morning
gobble rice and goat sauce,
stir in a cafe au lait
(sweetened condensed milk with instant coffee),
with a buttered baguette,
chomp on a slice of coconut,
drink zoom koom (ginger drink),
open up a mango,
and mix with
dried manioc shavings and fried fish,
try a mouthful of warm millet beer,
share a plate of grilled goat and lung,
sip a bottle of hot coke along
with warm Guinness
ending by mixing the two.
An African Tapas experience au village
Let the stomach rumble and grumble till nightfall.
Then throw it up and piss it out your ass.
Welcome to Africa.
Taxi Bus/Brousse
Sunday 3 June
The ride was luxurious in a big 60 passenger bus, a five hour trip with curtains on the windows, with music and air conditioning. The road was smooth, flat, and straight.
On a dirt detour from the paved road being repaired, the bus stopped.
We sat outside on the sparsely grassed dirt and planned our trip to Ghana.
An hour later we flagged down a 12 passenger van and became two of the 19 sardined inside.
Luxury turned into reality.
Ahh... the adventures of travelling in Africa.
The ride was luxurious in a big 60 passenger bus, a five hour trip with curtains on the windows, with music and air conditioning. The road was smooth, flat, and straight.
On a dirt detour from the paved road being repaired, the bus stopped.
We sat outside on the sparsely grassed dirt and planned our trip to Ghana.
An hour later we flagged down a 12 passenger van and became two of the 19 sardined inside.
Luxury turned into reality.
Ahh... the adventures of travelling in Africa.
Something to do au Village
Thursday May 24
One of my favorite things to do in my house is to search for termite tracks along the white walls.
Termites form dirt paths as fat as my fingers that can be as long as my foot and even longer if you leave them be.
Termites don't bite. I just brush the crispy dirt away with my hands.
The only negative thing about termites is that they eat paper, precious reading material. Documents turn into dust.
I have to keep my eye and broom on those insects that give me something to do au village.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday 16 May
It is 1:21 am and I cannot sleep even though today was an extremely busy day with girls' club, teaching, and market day.
I wonder if the elderly in Africa have trouble sleeping like my grandmothers.
Is my insomnia due to drugs, the infamous Larime, the excitement of organizing activities for a girls' club, or the excitement of Damon's visit?
I wonder if the elderly in Africa have trouble sleeping like my grandmothers.
Is my insomnia due to drugs, the infamous Larime, the excitement of organizing activities for a girls' club, or the excitement of Damon's visit?
Rain and Bugs
The heavy rain upon my aluminium roof hurts my ears.
It is a good thing I brought ear plugs.
The rain knocked down my straw roofed and straw enclosed patio where I sleep every night. Thankfully I was already inside my sturdy house. That would have hurt. Straw is heavier than you would think.
When the rain is pouring, know what I need?
a chamber pot
You know what I like about Africa?
You can leave a dead roach on the floor of your house and the next morning it will be gone.
It is a good thing I brought ear plugs.
The rain knocked down my straw roofed and straw enclosed patio where I sleep every night. Thankfully I was already inside my sturdy house. That would have hurt. Straw is heavier than you would think.
When the rain is pouring, know what I need?
a chamber pot
You know what I like about Africa?
You can leave a dead roach on the floor of your house and the next morning it will be gone.
My Kitchen
consists of a 2-tier table supporting a 3 burner table top gas stove with its tank on the floor. I have one frying pan and two pots. I have 1 sharp knife, a big stirring spoon, 7 spoons, no forks, and one pair of chopsticks. I have two aluminium plates and 3 plastic cups. I have a plastic basin to wash my dishes in. I have slat, oil, and beef bouillon cubes.
And you know what the great thing is?
My village has a market day every three days, so if I need a bowl or a fork I can just walk 2 football fields and buy whatever I desire.
And you know what the great thing is?
My village has a market day every three days, so if I need a bowl or a fork I can just walk 2 football fields and buy whatever I desire.
May 13: Starting at 6 am
I do my laundry every Sunday
today the wind was strong
a quick dry
my clothes like kites in the sky
snap like the sound of a whip
Ideas for Village Projects
A co-worker has approached me with two ides for projects:
- to help start a program for families who take in orphans and need assistance
- to help with cultural preservation, the traditional masks of the village.
I have a few ideas, but would appreciate your suggestions, your expertise, and your experience.
At the school, I'm trying to start a Girl's Club. Empowering women and tackling women's issues must have an impact on poverty right?
The Poverty Question
What can I do? To what point do I give such that I myself do not fall to a level of poverty? What must I give up to help the poor: meat, sushi, movies, coffee, cheese?
Seeing people especially kids in need really hits me and I feel the urge to give, but if I started handing out 5000 CFA ($10) bills does that help anyone? It provides a temporary solution to my guilt of being privileged and a temporary solution to a person's hunger. After the money is used up though hunger creeps in again.
How can I have an impact on poverty? Giving money? Teaching skills that help people make money? Putting money into the local economy by spending? Planting a Moringa tree? What can I do to put a dent into poverty and hunger?
My 10th graders say, "We need jobs."
Seeing people especially kids in need really hits me and I feel the urge to give, but if I started handing out 5000 CFA ($10) bills does that help anyone? It provides a temporary solution to my guilt of being privileged and a temporary solution to a person's hunger. After the money is used up though hunger creeps in again.
How can I have an impact on poverty? Giving money? Teaching skills that help people make money? Putting money into the local economy by spending? Planting a Moringa tree? What can I do to put a dent into poverty and hunger?
My 10th graders say, "We need jobs."
Peaceful living
Thursday 10 May
As I was cleaning the glass of my kerosene lamp, I thought to myself, "Wow. Every day you are living at a campsite: a pit latrine, a tent, light from a flame, and it's become normal, not weird or uncomfortable."
Life here has a simplicity that makes it a desirable and a wonderful life for me. Even though I'm covered with mosquito bites and rashes from the heat, I feel a sense of peace I rarely felt in the US. The burden of responsibility of having to make money to live comfortably was a dark shadow that made it heard for me to enjoy time. Here my shelter, food, health care, and spending money are all provided for me in exchange for teaching and cultural exchange.
Everything I need is here. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to make ends meet. Here I can enjoy. Even bouts of sadness, I seem to experience differently here. Au village, it is so much easier to be sad, to find peace with the sadness, and to watch it pass. In the US for some reason I held onto my misery for longer than I should.
I am provided for here. I feel safe. In this safety I don't worry. I exist with a sense of contentment, and if I do worry it doesn't linger. How strange that in the endless quiet au village, thoughts and worry don't spin in my unoccupied head.
As I was cleaning the glass of my kerosene lamp, I thought to myself, "Wow. Every day you are living at a campsite: a pit latrine, a tent, light from a flame, and it's become normal, not weird or uncomfortable."
Life here has a simplicity that makes it a desirable and a wonderful life for me. Even though I'm covered with mosquito bites and rashes from the heat, I feel a sense of peace I rarely felt in the US. The burden of responsibility of having to make money to live comfortably was a dark shadow that made it heard for me to enjoy time. Here my shelter, food, health care, and spending money are all provided for me in exchange for teaching and cultural exchange.
Everything I need is here. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to make ends meet. Here I can enjoy. Even bouts of sadness, I seem to experience differently here. Au village, it is so much easier to be sad, to find peace with the sadness, and to watch it pass. In the US for some reason I held onto my misery for longer than I should.
I am provided for here. I feel safe. In this safety I don't worry. I exist with a sense of contentment, and if I do worry it doesn't linger. How strange that in the endless quiet au village, thoughts and worry don't spin in my unoccupied head.
Things in the night
Last night I lay beneath my mosquito net writing a letter when all of a sudden a huge insect went scurrying all over.
A scorpion?
I turned out the lamp and breathed in the wish that it wouldn't find its way into my protected space that has ample openings for it to discover.
Today I learned it was a harmless palm sized insect, called a transporter.
It's package?
scorpions
A scorpion?
I turned out the lamp and breathed in the wish that it wouldn't find its way into my protected space that has ample openings for it to discover.
Today I learned it was a harmless palm sized insect, called a transporter.
It's package?
scorpions
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)