August 28

"Look to the clock on the wall, hands hardly moving at all. Oh Lord, What can I say? I'm so sad since you went away. Time, time, ticking on me. Alone is the last place I wanted to be."

Brandi Carlie's song "What can I say?" is beautiful. In my restless state tonight, unable to focus on writing a letter, I've been singing along with Brandi in repeat for the past 30 minutes.

I completely understand how time stops with solitude.
But why am I not sad being alone?

Even tonight with my restlessness, with a desire to sleep- it's too early to blow out the lamp, only 8 pm- I do not feel sad or lonely. I feel a smile, a sense of love for my house, the outside darkness, the desk I write at, the dim light. The atmosphere makes me smile, happy. A lovely presence keeps me company on the walls of brightly painted pastels. The cool wind through the screen door caresses my warm body.

I love the state I am in.

I am alone, silent, and free.