Where am I?

Today I am in Hanoi, Vietnam.

After a two week summer project teaching middle and primary school English teachers in Gansu, I started my trek down South towards Nanning. The 34 hour train trip was luxurious with its air condition and beds. I only had two nights and one day on the train. Often foreigners love train rides since it gives them a chance to talk to local people and get to experience the local flavor of public transportation. For me the 6 people sharing my train space were completely silent. They didn't talk to each other. They didn't talk to me.

In a few words, the train ride was an enjoyable solitary, silent, meditative retreat.

I arrived in Nanning at 5 am and sat at the outdoor benches in the quiet dark train station until the sun rose watching the police walk around waking up anyone who was using the benches as a bed. Even though I had very specific directions for the only hostel in Nanning, I didn't want to wander a new city in the dark.

Lotusland is in a good location and the hostel staff was able to get my Vietnam visa in 3 days. The place is expensive. Ten dollars for a bed compared to $3 beds in Xian; however, they took care of my visa which was one stress I didn't have to worry about. Living abroad for 3 years, I have learned not to trust deadlines and was greatly surprised that a 3 day visa meant 3 days.

I spent the three days in Nanning walking the streets in the morning and sitting in air conditioned shopping malls during the hot humid hours. I declined to see the new Harry Potter movie just because it was so expensive. Nanning is a city that has been flattened, almost all of its old buildings gone, replaced with a modern China. Even the green parts on the map that I took a bus too were modern, no longer old ancient parks but modern golf courses instead.

I took a luxurious air conditioned 8 hour bus ride from Nanning to Hanoi where the border crossing was easy even with the lack of lines and order on the Vietnam side. Arriving in Hanoi, I got ripped off by the taxi driver. I was charged twice the fare to go to the hotel where my friend from Peace Corps Guinea was staying. I hate being fresh bait, a newcomer to a city, but have learned how to find peace in being taken advantage of. It happens. There is no point in getting all angry and upset about it.

Vietnam is so different from China. The French influence is seen in the architecture and actually Vietnam reminds me of West Africa. France left a legacy of baguettes and coffee houses in both places.

Plane or Train?

I am going to Nanning soon. The train ride is rumored to be 34 hours. A sleeper train car is like a moving hostel or prison on wheels since you can't leave your room. Thankfully the train leaves at night, so about 20 hours will be spent sleeping. What will I do during the day? As a person who has always been tormented with motion sickness, reading is not an option. I guess I will practice Chinese, listen to music, watch the scenes go by, and fan myself silly to keep cool.

Or, should I take a plane?

The plane trip is rumored to be a 4 hour flight with one stop; however, it costs $40 more than the train ticket. $40 is nothing in America. $40 in China is a ton of money. With $40 I can pay for about 5 nights in a hostel in Nanning.

Even though I am an American, with an American bank account that has some money in it leftover from a partial readjustment allowance payment from Peace Corps for my first two years in Africa, I feel an urge to travel frugally and experience the life of an unmarried Chinese teacher who has some money to travel with.

Therefore, I will take the train. Will I regret it by the end of the trip?

Summer Project

To friends and family,

If you are interested in seeing a few low resolution pictures from my most recent trip to Kaifeng, Henan, the yellow river, the mountains above Shaolin Temple, the Taihang mountains, please send me an email. Since I am still travelling and am using internet bars, I am having trouble loading pictures to a web photo album.


Summer project is going well.

We have finished one week of teaching middle school English teachers. Our objective, requested by the Chinese organizers was to help improve their confidence in speaking English; however, we changed it a bit as we met our students and learned what our students wanted: teaching methods, pronunciation, and American culture.

I think the weakness of the summer project is the large number of unknowns: number of students, students' English level, and what they want to learn from us. We fly by the seat of our pants and cannot really prepare very well for it in advance.

We are a bit exhausted not used to teaching a 40-50 hour week compared to our university work week of 12-20 hours.

Tomorrow we start a new week with new teachers. These teachers will be primary school teachers. We are back to the world of unknowns. What is their English level? We have heard that many of the teachers are not college educated. What do the students want to learn? Their English level will determine whether or not we can meet their requests. It would be really hard to have discussions about teaching ideas and methods if we can't communicate.

Anyways, the unknowns will be known tomorrow and we have a 3 hour lunch break to throw something together as we learn more.

Holiday

Today I am off on my month and a half vacation, so I don't know how often I will be able to blog.

First stop, Henan Province to a city called Kai Feng.
Second stop, Tianshui for a two week summer project.
Next stops, a bit up in the air at the moment, depending on funds.

Why give away a baby?

Why would a Taiwanese mother in the 1970's give up a daughter for adoption?

Lately, I have been asking my students why would my birthmother give up a daughter for adoption?

Growing up with an American culture I had my own theories and assumptions:
1. My birthmother was a teenage unmarried girl who could not take care of a baby.
2. My birthmother was a prostitute.
3. Abortion was illegal.

However, hearing my students' points of view has been very eye-opening.

Often families will try to have at least one boy. The reason some families are so big is because they have three girls while trying to a have a boy. It is not uncommon for these girls to be given to other families. Some of my female students talk about the distress they felt when they heard stories of their grandparents wanting their parents to give them away to another family because they couldn't afford a 2nd or 3rd mouth to feed plus try to have a boy. So maybe I was the first, second, or third daughter and the family wanted a boy.

My brother is also adopted. Why would a Taiwanese mother give up a precious baby boy for adoption?

My students said that maybe he was the third son and the family was too poor to take care of him.

Maybe his mother was a teenager. In China it is very taboo to be unmarried and pregnant. My students told me a story that happened a couple of years ago about a college girl who got pregnant and the leaders of the school wouldn't give her the college diploma.

According to my students answers, I think the three main reasons mothers give up babies in China are:

1. too poor to afford another mouth to feed
2. teenage pregnancy
3. want to have a boy

I am not American.

In my little city, I am known as the translator of the American who teaches at Longdong College.

How does that make me feel? How does not being American, not being the special foreigner make me feel? Do I feel the urge to SHOUT it out to the world that I AM AMERICAN! Stop having Chinese expectations about me. Stop expecting me to speak fluent Chinese. Stop expecting me to translate my friend's Chinese pronunciation. Stop laughing at my manly Chaco sandals that are not the dainty high heels that all the females wear. In the winter, stop wondering if I am a man or a woman.

The thing is I don't mind being the weird Chinese person who wears African clothes, manly clothes and hair. I don't mind being the old spinster who still hasn't gotten married. (Chinese women get married at 24. After that, they start getting too old to attract any males.) I don't mind being the Chinese person with excellent English.

I don't feel this strong urge to force people to acknowledge that I am American. I don't mind blending in.

I do mind though having restrictions put on me because I am female. "Travelling alone is too dangerous for females." This past school year, my travel has been restricted because I want to travel alone; however, I am kind of suspicious that it might be an indirect no. Maybe they don't want me to travel during the school year since for my summer plans of travelling to Vietnam alone, they had no problems with it. Indirect communication is sometimes difficult for us Americans to understand.

I don't mind superficially being known as a Chinese person; however, when it comes to more complicated inter-cultural issues, I am American. That is when I need understanding on the Chinese side that I am not Chinese but a foreigner.

You are Chinese. No I'm not.

What is it like being Chinese American in China? Is it challenging? Is it frustrating? Does it make things easier?

Often as we sit outside under a big red umbrella drinking beer and milk tea, people ask, "Where are you from?"

I can never say I am American, and if the white American who I hang with all of the time points at me and says, "American," my American friend is corrected, "No. She is Chinese." We have both learned how to say the Chinese phrase, "American with Chinese heritage." That people will agree with.

I have gotten pretty good at explaining my adoption story in simple Chinese phrases.
I have two mothers.
One Chinese mother and one white American mother.
My Chinese mother didn't have any money.
She gave me to the American mother.

(Notice I do not use the phrase Taiwanese mother; although, once they know I am Chinese American they now want to know where my ancestors are from. I say Taiwan and that is no problem.)

Sometimes I am much more of a curiosity than my white American friend. Often I will be the center of attention while my white American friend sits there looking lonely nursing a beer as a flurry of Chinese is directed at me. Because of course since I am American with Chinese heritage I can speak Chinese. After they realize that my Chinese is a bit limited, they point at Caitlin and start asking questions about her and finally ask, "Can she understand Chinese?"

At restaurants I am always given the menu, but I do not study written Chinese. I push the menu towards Caitlin coz she studies written Chinese and can probably read at least 100 characters now. But then as soon as she opens her mouth to order, the waitress looks at me. I repeat the exact phrase that was just said and sometimes we get some food. Other times, we sit there repeating and repeating and repeating until eventually they figure it out. I bet they are wondering, what kind of Chinese is that Chinese person speaking? But actually they probably don't even think about it because China is full of so many dialects. Often people don't understand each other especially people from other regions.

In the Treehouse, an English resource center, I can often sit inconspicuously in the corner, while a non-major comes in and bombards Caitlin with a desire to speak English. That is sometimes nice getting a break from trying to understand limited broken English.

In Xian, a big tourist center, we often hope just my quiet muted presence will get us a reasonable price to start bargaining down rather than exuberant prices that have like a 300% markup. I always hope that my Chinese skin doesn't get me terribly ripped off and maybe I trust it a bit too much. I should rely more on bargaining skills which I still have not perfected even after years of living in Africa. But come on, how are we suppose to know what the good price is to even bargain for? The other day I wanted to buy a tank top. The first price given was $25. I think tank tops should be a $1, but clothes in China especially in some stores are super expensive. Wal-Mart is cheaper than Chinese clothing stores!

So what is it like being Chinese American in China?

It is interesting. I have different stories to tell than other Americans in China, and actually, now that I think about it me being the Chinese American sidekick might make it more frustrating for my sitemate. For me though, having Caitlin as a sidekick, makes things easier, hanging out with the white chick brings me face. Travelling alone this summer might be quite frustrating.

Party Planner: Pictures Included

One big difference between organizing parties in China and in America is the amount of time and types of activities one should plan. In America, you plan the menu of a dinner party and then let the guests drink wine and entertain themselves with conversations. In China parties and outings are filled with planned activities and they last for HOURS! I have been invited on 6 hour outings where you eat a meal, then play a couple of hours of Mahjong and then go on a long walk in the nearby park. I have been on 6 hour dinner parties where you first eat a banquet and then do a fun activity like karaoke.

So planning an appreciation party for our students who volunteered in the English resource center was a big challenge coz they are expecting to spend several hours playing games and eating. It is like planning a Chucky Cheese outing or a skating rink birthday party. Last semester we played white elephant, but it didn't last very long. That party was too short.

This semester because it is warm we planned an outdoor party and ate watermelon and cake at the back gate picnic tables. But what game? What form of entertainment?

We sent the students on a 40 minute photo scavenger hunt. It took the pressure off of us of having to entertain them for hours.

The students LOVED it!

Each team had a list that asked them to take pictures of

5 people jumping (the students thought this was SUPER fun trying to capture 10 feet off the ground)
5 shirtless boys (they tried to get the basketball players, but no one was willing to take off their shirts)
A boy with two earrings (because one earring was too small, they switched the small one with a big girly one)
2 people kissing (impossible)
A picture of chairman Mao
3 or more people riding a bike (the students staged this)
A child eating ice cream (The students made one little boy cry who didn't want his picture taken, but then found one girl who was very cooperative. The teams found the same girl. One team's picture had a non-eaten ice cream. The other team had a half-eaten ice cream.)
20 victory signs (Taught the students how to organize 20 people or 10 people if they were smart)
An old couple holding hands (This was challenging and taught the students persuasive skills. The older couple was extremely shy and said, “We have never done this before.”)
And a bunch more….

This was a super fun game for the students creating an activity that they can tell stories about to their roommates and classmates. It is hard living on a little campus where everyone knows everyone, where everyone is doing the same thing, where gossip has been repeated a million times. Stories become few.

Try a scavenger hunt if you are looking for a fun activity to share with your students.
Try a scavenger hunt if you just want an hour of chill time while waiting for your students to come back.
Try a scavenger hunt if you are trying to plan a Chinese party. Our party lasted 2 hours, a record for us.


If you want to see some pictures from one of the two teams, email me. In each photo is one of our students. One of the rules was to be in the picture with the found item.

Streets and streets full of shop windows

One thing that I don't like is the constant bombardment of shop windows filled with female mannequins dressed in the latest Chinese fashion. Every time I leave my house, I am in a shopping mall. It is worse than TV advertisements. I feel this great need to buy, buy, and buy some more fashionable clothes or at least get some tailored made since the clothes here don't fit me. But, I don't want a wardrobe full of hardly worn clothes. I prefer wearing the same outfit over and over again until the stink has to be washed out. Yet, every day, I think of something new that I think I need, need because I see it in a shop window.

Tomorrow I guess I will head to the tailor and put in an order for a summer wrap skirt, ankle length. (I am still not over 2 years of modestly covering up in West Africa. No knee high skirts for me even though I see them everywhere here in China. I even see short shorts worn over tights or short shorts worn with pretty strappy sandals with ankle high nylon socks.)

I have no self control. ugh!

First of hopefully many more overnight bike trips

As a Peace Corps volunteer, one must get approval from one's school for any trips away from site. My school gave me a very definite direct NO. Their reason was it is too dangerous and too far. But then Peace Corps called them and lo and behold, I got approval. My depression instantly turned into joy.

In China, ups and downs come very sudden and often come at the very last moment possible. A yes can turn into a no an hour before you are ready to leave. A no can turn into a yes the night before your trip. A command, "Come to this meeting," can be given 5 minutes before the start of the meeting. Remember the Peace Corps mantra, "Be flexible."

Xifeng to Heshui
Distance 54 km (one way)

To Heshui 4 hours
Highlights: Racing down a HUGE winding mountain praying that my brakes would hold.

Surprise in Heshui: As I was wandering the one street city, I decided to check out the bus station and lo and behold I ran into one of my students. The world is small.

Difficulty in Heshui: I woke up at 4:30 am ready to get on the road as the world becomes light around 5 am, but I was locked in. It took me 20 minutes to wake up the desk manager who had to check my room for any damages in order to give me back my 100 RMB deposit. Then she had to wake the gate keeper to let me out. I was on the road by 5:10 am.

Back home 5 hours
Highlights: Pushing my bike 45 minutes up the HUGE winding mountain praying that two trucks wouldn't come at the same moment.

Biking on pavement even with the one gear bike is faster than biking on a 21 speed mountain bike on dirt roads in Africa. I miss biking for long distances. Riding through the empty streets at 5 am this morning reminded me of the many trips in Guinea.

Enjoy the few pictures.

China

Do I need a vacation from China?

Do you think there is a phenomenon called culture fatigue?

As the semester comes to an end and as I wait in purgatory, waiting to hear when our summer teaching project will start, I am tired, exhausted kind of.

I don't have much work.
I am not teaching anymore.
I finished grading my seniors' finals.
Now I am waiting for my freshmen to take their finals.

The sun is shining and I have plenty of lovely chill moments eating watermelon at the outdoor stand, hanging out at the local shou kou (BBQ) garden and going on bike rides in the countryside.

So why am I tired?

Even though I don't have any official school work, maybe I am always on, always working because I live in another culture. Even though I feel I am settled into my Chinese community, maybe it takes work to actually just live here: working through the cultural differences, always talking in another language, working to understand the various nuances of this culture, often being the center of attention, and having one's expectations dashed.

These past weeks have been a struggle. My sitemate and I pushed hard to go to Tianshui, got permission, and then had our passports taken away. We have met new people and try to figure out what their body language means, their tough attitudes. We have had day long outings with colleagues and their families which was relaxing but also tiring, spending a lot of time socializing and speaking Chinese. I spent a couple of days grading finals with so many copied verbatim answers for the writing essays and for the independent study. We spent a couple of days trying to crack the department's rules and regulations about cheating, about whether or not we can fail seniors who didn't make a 60 on their finals, and about what type of format to submit grades.

Is there a way to rest from culture fatigue?

Cheating, Dust, and the Military

I am in a funk.

Summer has arrived and school is coming to an end so I should be in a happy mood, instead I am in a funk: a funk in teaching, a funk in cleaning my house, a funk in thinking about my life and future.

I just finished grading my first senior literature final and will have another senior literature final to grade tonight. Then I will have a week off before grading my freshmen finals.

Grading and catching cheaters is one of the worse parts of being a teacher. I hate realizing at the end of the semester that my class actually had 32 students instead of the 22 who came regularly. I hate failing students but what can I do when they don't score well on the final even with their cheat sheets and their pencil written essays on their desktops almost invisible even to them which is why it was easy to catch. Why was she staring so hard at her desk and not her test paper?

There were several students who did extremely well on the final. I am not out to get students or to fail them. My tests are what I teach. But if they don't come to class, what can I do other than hope that they have good friends who take good notes or are really good cheaters. Today in class I caught 2 cheat sheets with tiny writing on them and 2 more sheets with the multiple choice answers. Multiple choice is so easy to grade, but so easy to cheat on especially if you can't have A/B tests. With cheating I would rather just not know about it.

My house is a mess. I try to sweep and mop everyday, but all of the windows are open because it is hot. Dust fills the apartment, not as bad as in Africa. Here in my Chinese apartment, there is so MUCH MORE stuff to get dusty compared to my African two room one car garage. Also, is it me or is it because I am a teacher that my house is full of papers and junk? I need to get rid of everything.

One more year and my Peace Corps service will be over, truly over. No more extending or transferring anymore. At four years, I think Peace Corps will kick me out. Plus I am getting old. Maybe it is time to think about earning some money before I am too old.

What am I going to do when I leave Peace Corps?

Try to find a job in China?
I think I need to make some money. In China I could possibly make about $800 a month and after living on $100 a month on the PC stipend, I know I could save a lot. But I am tired of teaching. An unmotivated teacher does a lot of harm to her students. I don't want to be that teacher.

Go back to school?
I was glad when I finished 10 years of a university education. I hate tests. They stress me out a LOT coz I am a high achiever and study too much! Plus the applications? The worrying about how to pay for it? Going into debt when I have been debt free my whole life? I don't know. It sounds like a hassle.

Join the military?
I enjoy physical and life changing challenges. It would be an adventure and I would get paid doing it. The only thing I worry about is being placed in a job that I hate and having to endure it for four years.

Get a job in the USA?
I am reading a book The Working Poor. It is so discouraging!

So there you have it. My options with none of them seeming to be really that great.

Yep, I am in a funk.

Although even in a funk, there are still beautiful bits:

Long bike rides on flat roads in the almost car-less countryside

Sitting on a bench in the back gate eating watermelon as the Chinese fashion show walks by accompanied by the cutest babies and smiling children

Eating 4 sticks of fatty delicious grilled lamb in the setting sunlight

Am I too cautious about men?

In America, I was afraid of male strangers who started conversations with me in public places like bars, dance clubs, buses, coffee shops, and restaurants. They were strangers and so I didn't trust them. Plus in American culture, if a guy starts talking to you then it can often be assumed that they are trying to hit on you. I hate being hit on. I was very good at putting up a cold wall, deterring any strangers from talking to me. Also, in America I had a better intuition about the intentions of a stranger talking to me, an ability to tell the difference between a guy hitting on me versus a guy who is just being friendly, trying to make friendly small talk.

In China, I am still afraid of male strangers, but for different reasons:

1. language barrier
My limited language skills are not strong enough to really understand what is being said nor to infer what type of intentions the strangers have. As a trusting foreigner, it seems to me that strangers are really hospitable, offering free drink and food in an innocently, friendly, exchange for a special evening with foreigners.

2. me being in the dark about male female dynamics in Chinese culture
I know nothing about the dynamics between males and females in China. Do strangers hit on girls? What does it mean for a female to drink with male strangers? Is it all innocent fun? What assumptions do Chinese men have about foreign women? Is it strange for a 55 year old man to talk to young women?

3. I look Chinese
Because I look Chinese, the expectations and assumptions about me are probably different than for a woman who looks like she is from a foreign country. I don't know what these expectations or assumptions are. I can get into trouble assuming that people will treat me like the foreigner who gets special treatment.

4. cultural differences
In Africa many men were married or had a girlfriend. Many of them tried to catch a girl's attention, lots of cat calls and cheating on their spouses. I felt it was important to dress very conservatively and be seen as married, a coping method against all of the men who would have wanted me to be their wife/girlfriend. In China, I don't know what the cultural differences are; therefore, I don't know how to apply a coping method to what strangers may or may not be assuming or expecting from me. Is their offer of beer, food and conversation just friendliness? Or is there something behind their offer?

5. drinking
Many men drink a LOT and get drunk and loud. There are two very popular drinking games, a dice game, and a shouting match at guessing the correct number that is thrown out using hand signals. Even rock, paper, scissors is a drinking game. Losers drink beer out of a shot glass. I have seen so many fights and people yelling at each other. I have seen beer bottles smashed over each other's heads and blood pouring down faces and out of ears. Drunk strangers scare me.

In America I am wary of strangers who are men.

In China, I don't know what I should feel about strangers who are men. This uncertainty and non-cultural understanding on my part makes me super cautious and a party pooper who goes home early. I just don't trust myself in this culture that I do not understand yet. I feel a false sense of security. I feel Chinese men are non-aggressive, friendly, curious and hospitable when it comes to foreign women. But maybe there are unseen dangers that I am unaware of. Or maybe I am just letting my fears of American and African male strangers make wrong assumptions about male strangers in China. Maybe I am just an anxiety driven worrywart and shouldn't worry. Maybe I should just be socially friendly and accept men's kindness and hospitality.

Saturday Morning

At 6 am this morning I ran through empty streets while holding my breath every time I passed the dust cloud of street sweepers dressed in their orange vests and black mouth covers. I ran to our local park which has a 25 cent entry fee except in the mornings when it is free. Loud techno music was blaring from this park and elderly people were dancing. With my fingers in my ears I ran past them hoping for a more quiet moment in the park that has a large man made lake with pretty bridges and amusement park rides. As the techno music dimmed, I felt like I had entered a Disney wildlife adventure ride where speakers blare the sounds of the animals. But it wasn't speakers, it was 20 people exercising their vocal cords, loud shouts and extended notes very primal sounds.

After a 50 minute run I played a bit of basketball, but only played three games. 10 baskets win each game. Then I went to the back gate and got a bowl of red bean porridge with long deep fried bread that you dip into the porridge. I sat down and then a couple of students sat down with me, getting their morning breakfast before a 3.5 hour lecture on linguistics. It really is a pleasant way to spend a morning, joining in the community of early risers.

Endure Pain to Withdraw Money

Today I went on a 40 minute run around the city block, only one half of the whole city. I was looking for money. I passed two banks where there weren't any cash machines except inside. Only able to get money when the bank is open. So after 35 minutes of running in a drizzle, I found one of my bank's outdoor cash machines.

I pushed my card in and the machine shocked me, a low voltage murmur that ran through my arm to my elbow, nothing like the electric fences that my brother and I used to dare each other to touch. When I keyed in my password, no shock. When I pressed the yes buttons near the screen, shock shock shock. Boy, that bank really doesn't want you to have any of their money. But I think they have to up the voltage if they want to keep people from withdrawing cash. The desire for money was worth the pain of the shock treatment.

Must Have Quick Hands When Buying Veggies

Unlike the US where you take your vegetables and fruit to be weighed at the checkout counter, in China the checkout ladies ONLY scan and punch in numbers. They don't weigh anything. If you go up to the checkout counter with a bunch of bagged veggies without a scan label, you are out of luck and must return to the produce section where there is ONE lady weighing ALL of the vegetables that the HUGE population of Chinese people are eating. This lady stands at her electric weight machine punching in vegetable numbers. The machine spits out a sticker and she sticks it on your vegetable. Around this lady is a mass of 10-20 people all wanting to have their bags of vegetables weighed. There is NO order!

Follow this procedure when trying to get your veggies weighed:
1. Push your way through the crowd so that you are in a hands reach of the machine.
2. Have both hands free so you can put a vegetable on, and take a vegetable off.
3. Have quick hands and put your vegetable on the machine before the next person.
3. Don't get mad if someone has quicker hands than you.
4. Get ready to place your next vegetable on.
5. Continue until all of your vegetables have been weighed and priced.

Best of luck. Or just go to the grocery store during nap time when no one is trying to buy vegetables for lunch or dinner.

This Moment's Breath

In a tall glass tumbler
steam rises
loose leaf tea leaves
open
in a trail of rustic sweetness
fall
float their way
like the slow motion of a lava lamp
steeped to a rich red chestnut
a peaceful drink of patience
in the morning sunlight

Flying by the seat of one's pants

I had an excellent lesson plan prepared for today's Audio, Watching, and Listening Class that takes place in a multi-media room where every two students get their own computer screen and earphones. I was going to show the movie Whale Rider and have the students think about leadership and gender.

The American bought disk would not play on the computer!

What did I do?
Send the students home early?

I ran to my apartment which is 2 minutes away and searched through my DVDs. I found The Namesake. As the movie was loading, I quickly thought of discussion questions asking about the difficulties of immigrating to America, of having parents who immigrated, and of having children who were American raised.

I think it was the quickest lesson plan I have ever prepared.

Healthy Living is Making Me Sick

Spring/Summer has arrived and I am feeling the desire to live a more healthy lifestyle after the months of winter cold. This week instead of eating out so much I started cooking more of my meals: more vegetables and fruit. I also have been running for the past couple of weeks about 4 days a week and doing kung fu twice a week. The sun rises early on this side of the globe. It is up by 5:30 am.

My tummy isn't very happy with the vegetables or fruit. In Africa I rarely had troubles with my bowels. I tried to find bleach today in the supermarket. I was directed to a bottle of liquid laundry detergent with a cute bear on it. I asked about bleach for washing vegetables and no one understood the concept.

I am not sure if I am sick because I am eating more fresh vegetables and fruit or if it is because I am eating dirty raw vegetables and fruit. I wish I had bleach.

My morning runs have been pleasant. Because I run in the early morning, I don't have to dodge cars when crossing streets and only have to watch out for the throngs of kids walking to school. I also have to watch out for odors. Every time I pass garbage cans or drains, I hold my breath. Sometimes I smell something pleasant like a strong whiff of cooking garlic or smells that remind me of travelling in Africa, the exhaust of big trucks.

I haven't been able to blog lately because China is blocking blogs and blogger.com. I am trying to post via a proxy.

Improve Chinese by Saturday Morning Cartoons

Back during Peace Corps training in Chengdu, I remember being excited about understanding a lot of the Chinese dialogue while watching a cartoon for 5-7 year old kids about a little boy and his parents.

Watching Chinese cartoons for children is probably an excellent way to improve one's listening skills and if you watch it with a language tutor probably will help improve one's vocabulary. I would love to watch fantasy and science fiction cartoons; however, the vocabulary and the situations the characters get into are too alien from Chinese used in everyday life. My language skills are not to that level yet. I am still working on being able to express my life story, dreams, and opinions in Chinese in a fluid way.

I am looking for Chinese cartoons for children that have everyday life situations. I would love to find the cartoon about the little boy and his two parents that I watched in Chengdu. Do you have any suggestions? I found this 大头儿子小头爸爸 cartoon. It is nice for language class because it is a 7 minute show.

When will summer vacation start?

I have teacheritis kind of like senioritis where as the ending of the school year approaches the less motivated people are to work. This is not the time to be having a motivational problem since I might still have at least 7 more weeks of school; although, my 8 hours of senior classes is rumored to be coming to an end in about 3-4 weeks. It will leave me with 4 hours of freshmen classes till the end of the semester.

As an American one would assume that there is a written out schedule for when finals will be and when graduation is, but here in China schedules come out a few days before the event.

The school wants me to have the final for the seniors written by next week; however, I have no idea when I will stop teaching which means I have no idea how many more literary works we will be studying. Because of this semester's chaotic schedule with the seniors I have only actually taught them about a total of 5 lessons in the past 4 months. How many more lessons will I teach?

One must learn to give up the idea of planning ahead and one must learn to expect the unexpected. These ideas are not only important lessons used during work but also for play.

We often learn maybe a couple days before a holiday that we will get a three day weekend. It makes it hard to plan trips.

I have no idea when anything ends or starts. This is probably one of the reasons contributing to my teacheritis. There is no end date in sight. It is impossible to start a countdown of when my summer vacation begins.

It is unsettling and because I am unmotivated to work I kind of wish that next Wednesday someone will inform me that we have a four day weekend next week; although, our school has restricted our travels. We are not allowed to leave our site because of the two cases of H1N1 flu in China.

What can I do as my heart feels impatient for the summer vacation to start? Take each day as it comes and don't think about summer vacation.

Is it time to grow up?

I have never held a high paying job preferring living new experiences than making a lot of money. After finishing my PhD in physical chemistry and biomaterials, I spent a year doing minimum wage jobs in construction, in the bakery of a grocery store and in home health care. Then I did Peace Corps Africa. I am still in Peace Corps, still a volunteer, except now I am living in China.

I have never made money.

I have gained a lot of skills and experience in the past 10 years and I have learned that I don't want to work in a lab nor do I want to be a teacher unless I am living in an interesting place where I am not working 40 hours a week. My priorities are having time and living in a place I love. My priorities are not money or security.

However, it is expensive to die especially if you reach retirement age. Is it time to grow up? Up until now I have lived with the philosophy, "Work to meet one's basic necessities." Must I leave my philosophy to the wayside?

Should I adopt a new philosophy? "Work so I can pay for my death"

If I have to start working to make more than a volunteer's monthly allowance, what type of work should I do?

Clothes Shopping and Tailors

I really hate shopping for clothes in China. There are several reasons:

1. I have to change my fashion taste of simple cuts and single colors for rhinestones, shiny decals, ruffles, lace, bright colored floral and geometric patterns, and jewel like buttons.
2. Finding clothes that fit my broad shoulders can be frustrating.
3. Knowing when and if to bargain makes my heart flutter with worry. I really hate bargaining.
   

My success with tailors?

Well I have had three pieces of clothing copied from clothes that I had tailored made in Africa.

Two of the three were not copied perfectly.

Because I like wearing my pants at my hips rather than around my belly button, the tailor wasn't sure what to do with the crotch and I have a nice pair of warm winter pants whose crotch is too low. Those pants cost 90 RMB.

I had a dress copied. The armholes were way too big such that you can see my bra and rather than being a tightly fitting dress it is more like a nightgown. Hopefully, tomorrow they will fix it. It cost 100 RMB.

I had another pair of pants copied which were copied perfectly. They cost 100 RMB

I want to get a western style sundress made from a picture I found on the internet; however, I am a bit worried. Maybe I should stick with the styles that the tailors are familiar with like a button down form fitting collared shirt.

I accompanied a friend to an expensive tailor who is making her a Tang dress, a traditional Chinese dress. I think they are very pretty; however, I am not sure when and where I would wear one. They are really formal and expensive. Her dress cost 255 RMB.

Who are my friends? students or teachers?

What is the role and friendship life of a foreign teacher in China like?

I believe the life and role of a Peace Corps volunteer teaching in China is unique and cannot really be compared to being a Chinese teacher or a teacher in the USA.

Many volunteers become very close to their students, inviting their students to dinner and to their homes, doing activities like sports, KTV (karaoke), hikes, watching movies, and some even go out and drink with their students. This is unique. One of our Peace Corps goals is to promote a better understanding of Americans while learning about another culture. What better way to do this than through students.

In America do you ever remember socializing with your teachers when you were an undergraduate student in college? Do you ever remember your teachers offering extra-curricular activities for you to join? Professors were busy and had their own lives. Their job was to teach in the classroom and offer office hours. Their life was not the campus.

One might argue that maybe China is different than America. Maybe in China, students socialize with their teachers. How many students actually socialize with their Chinese teachers? In my observations, very few.

In China, as a foreigner our lives revolve around the campus and the students. We offer extra-extracurricular activities. We participate in English corners. We run clubs and throw cultural learning parties. We show movies. We are not like American teachers nor are we like Chinese teachers. We are unique additions to a Chinese college campus.

In China, it is easy to make friends with students. They are eager to practice their English as well as eager to learn about another culture. They find foreigners easy going and available to do social activities with. Friendship with students makes sense. As a foreigner entering into a new community we have no friends and can't really speak Chinese well enough to make intellectually engaging friends with non English speakers. Therefore, the best people to make friends with are students and fellow teachers.

However, many volunteers find teachers not to be very friendly. Volunteers more often have students as friends than fellow teachers. Why is this? Are the teachers afraid of the foreigners? Shouldn't the teachers make an effort to become friends with a foreigner? In my opinion the reason, I haven't made many friends who are teachers is because well, teachers are busy. They teach 15-18 hours a week. They have families with whom they have to spend time with. They have lessons to plan. They have other responsibilities. They have their set of friends. Plus just because I am the foreigner doesn't mean we will get along. How do we know our personalities will match?

Anyways, it is not a requirement to be friends with fellow co-workers. But then one may wonder why isn't there more of an open dialogue or social friendliness between co-workers. Why do we rarely ever say hello or have a conversation with our co-workers when we meet in the hallway? It is like there is a foreigner group of teachers and a Chinese group of teachers and they don't mix. Well one reason we don't mix is because we don't go to the teacher meetings. Thank goodness. I would not enjoy sitting through hours of Chinese twice a month. And there isn't really a place for teachers to congregate and just chat. People go to their classrooms, to the office, and home again. We just don't cross paths.

Playing basketball with the women of the English department, I believe will open doors to become more social with teachers who have families. It is hard making friends with people who have families. Even in America, I knew very few people who were married with children. As a single woman, I make friends with other non-married people. Mothers make friends with mothers because they tend to have something in common to talk about, their children. In China where most people are married by the time they are 25, can you imagine the chasm that I have to cross to make friends with non-students?

In Africa, I learned the best way to start becoming friends with a community was to leave my hut. Go sit under a public tree for an hour. I believe this lesson is also good for China. Instead of just staying in the apartment, of doing errands, of having specific planned social outings, I need to go somewhere regularly within my community for an hour.

This advice has been proven true by the fact that by regularly exercising in the mornings on the playground, I run into people who I recognize but never had a conversation with. They recognize me as the foreigner basketball player and we start a conversation.

Being a teacher and a friend with students is not the only role of a volunteer. Another role is to try to make a connection with people of different generations. This is more challenging, but is possible. Sometimes instead of waiting for someone to make the first move, I have to do it. I have to invite teachers out for dinner or to play badminton. Maybe they will be able to fit me into their busy schedules of responsibilities and desire to spend time with their children.

Of course, I am quite happy and with the friendships I have formed with students; however, seeing the lifestyles of families and single teachers would also be quite interesting.

A non-fuzzy peach

I bit into a peach and was shocked. It had a smooth skin. It wasn't fuzzy. I thought to myself, "I haven't ever eaten a peach that wasn't fuzzy. How strange." Then I realized, oh it's a nectarine. It has been at least 3 years since I have eaten a nectarine. I had forgotten about that type of fruit.

Perfect Living Situation: Give me two dorm rooms

This past weekend, my sitemate and I were invited on a bike ride and dinner in a teacher's dorm room.

I loved the living setup! It was perfect, simple and just enough space.

The teachers' dormitory is a building 5 stories high. The hallways are lined with doors that open up into a room with a concrete floor and big windows. There are doors off the hallway that lead to community sinks and bathrooms. I didn't see the showers, but I would suspect you have to go to another building to pay for a shower.

This particular teacher had two unconnected rooms. She used one as a bedroom/office and the other as a kitchen and dining area which she shared with other teachers.

It is the perfect setup. You have your own private space and then have a community kitchen and dining area. You get both privacy and the opportunity to meet people and form a network of cooking buddies, sports fanatics, and conversational friends.

However, I don't think I would enjoy this setup in the USA. Why? Well in the states, the individualistic society makes it difficult to form a community. For some reason, people like their space and usually meet people out on town to socialize. People create distance between themselves even if it is their next door neighbor. How many people do you know in your apartment complex or neighborhood? How many people do you know who start conversations with someone on the bus?

I remember a friend living in a shared apartment where each person had their own locked room. There was a communal kitchen and two bathrooms. Everyone went into their rooms and locked themselves in. No one talked or socialized. They were living in close proximity but a strong wall was put up.

In China, this wall is thin. People start talking to strangers on trains. They make small talk with store keepers. They exercise together. For example, tonight I saw about 50 older people all doing aerobics together in front of their apartment complex. Every morning, people walk to the hot water pipes to collect boiled water in kettles. In a place where most people walk to the supermarket, forming a tight knit community is easier than in a community of people driving around in their bubbles.

As an American from an individualistic society, I do cherish my privacy and am not lonely living alone which is difficult for people of a collective society to understand. I also, though, enjoy the benefits of living in a community oriented society. I also like the idea of shared community resources rather than having my own personal resources.

Hopefully some day in the future, I can live in my own dorm room in a community that is open to making friends rather than closing doors to strangers.

Bike Trip to a Local Lake

Friday was a holiday, May 1st, worker holiday. Caitlin and I planned on biking to Heshui, a 40-100 km distance, depending on who you talk to; however, the night before the weather had turned cold and windy. Who wants to bike an unknown distance in cold, against wind?

Instead we went on a short 2.5 hour bike ride exploring the countryside. We found this tiny neighborhood in the middle of farmland. We ate ice cream. One lucky girl got Caitlin's artificially flavored ice. We then headed back and fought an hour against wind, dust, and more wind.

When I got home, I received a text from a psychology teacher who I had just met the other night in the English library. It said, "Would you like to have a trip to the valley near the new campus by foot or by bicycle?"

I replied, "I am too tired today," but then we made plans to meet on Saturday for a bike trip and then lunch afterwards at her teacher dormitory.

In Spring, the landscape of Gansu is incredible. You will be riding along this flat road bordered by beautiful green farmland and then boom, you hit the edge of the plateau and wow. It is such a beautiful sight.

We biked to the edge and then started biking down the valley on a dirt road to find a lake.

On our way down, we collected veggies to cook.

Caitlin ground some grain.

Caitlin then wisely suggested that we park and lock our bikes. Who wants to push a bike up a mountain? We headed down by foot.

At the bottom we found motorcycles and a car owned by fishermen who had no luck today. We headed back up around noon and were treated to a lovely meal by the teachers.
It was such a lovely outing, very chill, good language practice, and plenty of exercise.

Knitting in China

The weather is warming up and I rarely wear my knitted socks anymore. Last fall I started learning how to knit socks out of need because the Chinese markets didn't sell any thick socks and my African sandal-adapted feet were freezing. But then Kyan sent me a care-package thankfully overdoing it with socks and now my cupboard is piled high with warm socks.

My students find it funny that I still wear somewhat thick socks as the weather is warming and I find it funny that they wear thin socks even when there is snow on the ground.

As the weather warms up, what shall I knit? Why socks of course. Next fall is fast approaching and it would be nice to be able to give socks as winter gifts. My hands like to always be in motion with a preference for no brain knitting. This is why I picked out The Classic Sock pattern from the book 2-at-a-time SOCKS by Melissa Morgan-Oakes.

My first pair turned out to be too narrow to fit over an ankle and therefore I changed them into fingerless gloves, a great suggestion by my sitemate.

My second pair fits perfect.

My third pair will again be maroon. I hope everyone likes maroon. I bought way too much yarn for my ribbed tank top.
I want to buy new yarn and to start new projects; however, I have so much leftover yarn from felting projects that I really need to use it up. The yarn I can buy in my city isn't very fancy. It is pretty uninteresting, basically wool and acrylic mixtures. It was really hard for me to find 100% wool that is feltable. I would hand the yarn merchant a note in Chinese asking for 100% wool. She would direct me to a wall of color. I went through 100's of RMB worth of 100% wool yarn that didn't felt for some reason. The yarn packaging in Chinese would say 96% wool + 4% + 10% something else. It was such a strange label for a scientist. That 14% something else doesn't felt.

I like felting projects. I have used up all of the wool that I bought in America during my Jan/Feb 2009 homeleave.

He Yelled at Me

Dressed in Muslim hats, male street vendors have been pushing large carts with a foot high cake filling an area of at least four Monopoly game boards. This curious block is decorated with chewy candies on top. It reminds me of Christmas fruitcake.

One evening while sitting at an outdoor BBQ joint, I saw the huge cake being pushed down the street. I try anything that is edible.

My language skills have improved greatly these past few months where my teaching load of 12 hours a week has taken a hit dwindling down to 4 hours a week. Teaching has been replaced with almost daily one hour lessons of Chinese; therefore, I was not prepared for being unable to communicate. Even during my first week in China, I was able to buy food and an umbrella.

Stopping the cake man, I understood the rhythm of his phrases, but did not understand the specifics. When I asked the price, I understood in general that he was saying a half kilo costs this much money. But I did not catch the specific details. He did not speak the Mandarin that I understand but a dialect completely foreign to me.

When in language doubt, I start guessing which this time was not a good idea.

I miss-assumed that food in China is cheap and miss-assumed that this cake was not heavy.

With body language, he asked us to show him how much to cut off. He cut a 12 inch by 12 inch, 1 inch thick slab. He asked me to help him with the bag and once he put it in the bag, I was like, "Uh oh. This cake is SUPER heavy!" It was a dense 15 pound slice of a nut cake.

I asked how much.
I understood, "8 RMB."
I handed him the 8 RMB.
And then he started yelling!
I kept saying, "I don't understand. How much?"
He pointed to a stranger watching and asked him to help us.
The stranger said, "I don't speak English."
The vendor kept yelling, coz of course the logic goes the louder you shout the better the person will understand you.
It worked.
I finally understood that he was wanting 80 RMB for the cake.
I was shocked!
I told him, "I don't have 80 RMB with me."
I handed him 10 RMB.
He cut me a new piece, a 3 by 3 inch sliver.

Twas an awkward miscommunication.
I hate being yelled at.
And the cake wasn't even sweet.

Easy Salty Rice Porridge

Makes about 6 helpings.
Ingredients
1/2 cup of rice
salt
chicken bullion
sesame oil
garlic
ginger
mushrooms
pork
baby bak choy
Add any other meats and vegetables that you like.

Instructions

1. Except for the quick cooking vegetables like bak choy, throw everything into the pot. Add the quick cooking vegetables towards the end when the porridge is almost ready.
2. Add 12 times as much water as rice.
3. Boil for as long as you want. The longer the congee boils, the rice soup will become a thicker porridge.

Tips: I like to start boiling the rice with the water and then start chopping my vegetables and meat to add.

Two More Games!

Thank goodness Caitlin played tonight. We won 38-14 against Chemistry, a friendly game. I totally just walked up and down the court and didn't attempt to score. I was exhausted! Caitlin scored 30 points!
They then asked me to play one more game, a friendly game for show. Older men against female students majoring in PE. I played with the older men, but had to quit. I just couldn't play anymore especially a fast paced game against players who know how to play! It was real basketball compared to the rugby b-ball we had been playing all week.

I am tired!

FYI More pictures of the game can be found.

Last Game? Please!

English Department versus Grounds Keeping Staff 24-14

We won the Championship.

I am pooped.

I have been playing four 40 minute games straight now and they want me to play more tomorrow. I thought we had won the championship 2 games ago. It just keeps going and going and going. When will basketball end?

Yesterday's game with PE really wiped me out.
Then today running from half court to the backline to get the ball trying to beat the girl who was hugging me totally wiped me out.

At the end of the game, my missed layups and my last two free throws indicated just how exhausted I was- one brick and one air ball.

Hopefully Caitlin will be all better from her mysterious sharp constant pain and can play tomorrow! The appendix well, umm... that was a mistranslation from the Chinese doctors to the English speakers. She actually didn't have a problem with her appendix.

Women's Basketball 14-7

PE Department vs English Department

We had our first loss, but we are still playing for the championship tomorrow night against the ground keeping staff. The PE department isn't part of the championship since they are "professional." They are like the varsity team and everyone else is the junior varsity team. There is a grand prize of 600 RMB which is $100.

The PE department was wise to our game and in the first quarter I couldn't play. While playing defense, I was hugged and grabbed the whole time. Finally the refs started calling fouls on the girl even though I didn't even have the ball. The PE team actually started playing better once they stopped playing defense against my defense. They know how to move the ball and get open shots. Plus they can shoot. By guarding me, they were losing a useful player. I don't steal the ball. I play defense to let people play. I have no idea why they think playing defense against my defense is helpful.

Whenever I got the ball and was dribbling, the would swipe my arm as I burst past them and I would lose control of the ball. Offense was hard too because they played a zone defense and our English teachers didn't know how to spread the court. I did score all of the points, but didn't make all of my free throws which probably could have made a big difference in the ending score.

Plus we didn't have Caitlin who was sidelined due to a stupid appendix. The pain woke her at 3 am this morning and she was at the hospital all day long. She is home but still isn't totally out of the red zone.

Tonight's game was a lot more fun than last night's game. There were a lot of PE students and English students cheering and you could feel the competition in the air. The PE department had to win. Their pride was riding on it.

Tomorrow's game will be tough! I bet the grounds keeping staff are strong.

More Women's Basketball

English Department versus Biology Department

Yesterday, the English department had a win against the the Biology department. Caitlin and I sat out for the second half and our English teacher teammates did really well. They played great defense, had great teamwork, and even scored several points.

16-6 English Department versus Library Staff

The day before we had been forewarned that the library staff was strong, but Caitlin and I had no idea what that meant. I have often heard that strong women in China means women who can play sports. I didn't know if strong meant physically strong or had strong basketball skills.

My two years on the rugby pitch did not prepare me for tonight's game. In rugby, I know how to give back what the opposing team gives me. In basketball, I don't know how to tackle the opposing team.

We started out strong with quick teamwork and good passing allowing our players to get close to the basket to make shots and score. My shots were not falling though, yet with good teamwork we still pulled ahead little by little. Our poor teammates were exhausted from playing such great defense. They really hustled for the ball and everyone on the team contributed to the score. I only made 2 free throws and 2 baskets.

Our biggest problem was that everytime one of our players would get the ball, several of the opposing team's players would pounce on her allowing no room to dribble, to pass, to do anything other than get grabbed, tugged at, scratched at, pulled down to the floor. It wasn't a free flowing running game. Turnovers were jump balls and fouls. We were exhausted from fighting for the ball, not from running up and down the courts.

Caitlin said, "My arm hurts it's so scratched up."

Even if I could dribble out, I could only bounce the ball maybe twice before being pulled back into the midst of three players and having the whistle blown for various fouls. This was happening at half court no where near the basket. As I would receive a pass, I would do face smashes against nails. As I would shoot, I would do body smashes against girls trying to defend their basket. While I was trying to play defense, girls would be turned facing me getting into my way, physically blocking me with their arms and bodies so I couldn't guard the person with the ball. They were playing defense against my defense rather than trying to offensively receive the ball to shoot.

It was a miracle that Caitlin could even up our score by six points because even with all of her height, everytime she got the ball she was pulled down smack to the floor by hoards of women two heads shorter than her. It was like Lilliputians trying to bring down Gulliver. "I almost threw up my fangbian mien or shit myself everytime they elbowed me in the gut," commented Caitlin.

I now understand what the forewarning of strong meant. It meant aggressively strong. The library staff also had pretty good skills. They could dribble and could pass the ball around. And their defense? Well, they prevented us from dominating and it was a basketball game, that Caitlin and I had never experienced before.

We have one more game. English department versus PE department. I wonder what that is going to be like. I saw them play a couple days ago. They've got game and I am out of shape.

Happiness: Yours or Mine

"Authentic intimacy is not brought about by denying our own desire to be happy in unhappy deference to others, nor by denying others in narcissistic deference to ourselves." Loving-Kindness by Sharon Salzberg

Having lived 3 years in foreign countries, I find the line between my happiness and the happiness of others quite confusing. Sometimes I have had to deny parts of my identity to make others happy, denial to keep me safe and socially accepted into a community. Sometimes as a foreigner, I was given special privileges denying others their happiness. Sometimes I had to accept situations that made me unhappy, but made others happy.

The most recent example of confusing happiness is the competition for a piano room.

One Sunday morning, I went to practice piano. I thought Sunday mornings would be slow practice mornings at my college. I was wrong. I was using my American assumptions that Sunday is a day of rest. The Chinese students' viewpoint is that Sunday is the day to get back to work after the weekend. The practice rooms were alive with slamming doors, scales, opera, and drums.

The key woman took me to the best piano and kicked a student out. He left with visible anger and unhappiness to practice on a lower quality piano. As the foreigner I was given a privilege. This made me unhappy. This made a student unhappy. Did this make the key woman happy? After realizing that the music department was full of students, I practiced for 30 minutes feeling guilty for taking a piano from a student and then left.

Two weeks later, through indirect communication, I learned that the student had been criticized gravely for showing his emotions of anger and unhappiness for having to give up his piano to a foreign teacher. I was told that music students have bad manners since they are weaker students than the academic students. I was told to come back to the piano rooms to practice. I haven't been back since that incident not because I was afraid of taking another student's piano or because I was offended by the student's manners, but because I have been busy with sports and organized outings these past weekends. I wonder what the key woman assumed by my actions of not showing up weekly causing her to send me an indirect message through another teacher.

This incident is an example of the confusion of happiness. Culturally it is acceptable for a teacher to deny students' happiness for their own needs and wants which resulted in the music student's criticism. I would be happy using a piano that was available. I would prefer to be told that the practice rooms are full and to come back later or to be given a piano that is not the best one. I am only playing piano as a hobby not as a major. What would make the key woman happy?

Who is right in this situation? I could comment that the Chinese culture is wrong to deny others in narcissistic deference to ourselves. But saying that another culture is wrong and my culture is right isn't helpful. The Chinese could criticize me for denying my own desire for a piano in deference to others or could say, "Why don't you accept our kindness of trying to give you a good piano to use?" There lies the confusion. Do it my way. Do it our way. We are just culturally different. I am the guest in this country. It is my role to somehow fit in, to find a balance that I can live with and still make those around me happy, right?

If my language skills were better, I wonder if asking the key woman to give me a piano that is free no matter it's quality, would that offend her? It makes me uncomfortable kicking a student out to be given the best piano, but maybe it would make her uncomfortable giving me a poor piano. So the best solution is to try to find out when the rooms are not busy; however, the best piano will always have a student won't it? The situation will always come back to the competition for the best piano.

Maybe I should just find a way to be comfortable with always being given the best piano even though I feel it is wrong for me to take a music major's piano and should just be thankful for the key woman's kindness.

Sharon Slazberg wrote, "Of course, in different life situations, many different courses of action might be appropriate. But the point here is that metta (loving-kindness) does not mean that we denigrate ourselves in any situation in order to uphold other people's happiness."

When am I belittling myself, sacrificing too much, denying my own happiness, feeling that I am not worth the kindness of another versus trying to be independent? Am I being a people-pleaser because it makes me happy or because I don't feel the self-esteem to take or even know what I want to be happy? When am I being too culturally sensitive and flexible? When is denying my own culture to make the foreign society that I am living in more comfortable, not healthy for me?

Living in another culture I must create a balance. It takes work, self-awareness and understanding of the other culture. I have learned to be a chameleon. I can only hope though that by adapting and changing to fit my surroundings I am not losing something important.

Be Flexible and Find Another Adventure

I was nervous yet ready to play.

Today's activity was to play basketball with the teachers of the English Department against the library staff; however, when Caitlin and I arrived, the gym's two courts were full of other sports. One court had a volleyball net. The other court had a ping pong table. We were waved over to the sidelines to sit down by an English Professor. He was observing P.E. graduate students who were interviewing for a job at our college. The applicants had to show their skills by playing sports.

No one had told us that our basketball game had been postponed till Sunday. It was another lesson in flexibility.

So instead Caitlin and I went biking in search of dirt for Caitlin's patio garden. Carrying dirt on the back of a bike is like the days in Africa, carrying bidons of water or rocks. Why rocks? Why to make a stone walkway from the front door of my house to the latrine in order to avoid the puddles of rainy season of course.

Loading heavy objects on the back of bikes and riding with heavy objects take a lot of practice.

During today's adventure we thankfully had the expertise of several observers who laughed first then helped later to load up our two bikes.

Win 22-10

English Department vs Math Department

About 3 weeks ago, the English department Party Secretary told me that Caitlin and I were signed up for the campus wide teacher basketball tournament. Then two days before the first game, we went shopping for our basketball T-shirts, and tonight was the first game.

Tonight was the first time we had ever met our teammates. Everyone was nervous! I had never practiced with these teachers. I had never seen them play and was doubtful that they had grown up playing basketball. One of the teachers told me that this was her first time playing.

But it was an amazing game! It was full court and a 40 minute game. I loved it! Sprinting and sweating is like a drug to me. It is so much fun!

Women here play differently than in the states. You might think inexperienced players would be timid and shy. Au contraire my friend! Defense is aggressive and almost like football. As soon as a person gets the ball, whoomp, two girls attack giving her no space turning almost every pass into a jump ball. Lucky for me I have dribbling skills and can quickly get out of such a mess.

Offense was surprisingly not panicked. We had some great teamwork. The ball would move quickly and shots would be taken. Our team spread out on the court and didn't cluster around the ball, but got into good positions so that good shots could be taken.

The thing I love about playing basketball in China is that it is more community oriented. Everyone gets to touch the ball. Everyone passes the ball to players regardless of skill. Everyone shoots and tries their best. That is what I think is amazing. Americans can tend to be ball hogs. It is our competitive individualistic nature. But of course someone has to shoot and score. I think I made at least 16 points. I was holding back though coz well, it isn't nice to beat a team too badly right? It is all just friendly competition.

I had a blast tonight. I have been in a funk lately and playing sports I believe will be my cure.

13 Hour Field Trip: Come Visit Qingyang

It was a day for the 10 foreigners of Xifeng to take a private bus provided by the government to travel all around the neighboring sites of interest being pursued by two video cameras and 10 digital cameras of the Chinese paparazzi. We stopped in Heshui first where we walked around a museum looking at many old Buddhas whose heads had been rebuilt. We even saw a mammoth that had been dug up in the area; however, it was only an "original replica" so indicated by the sign. We had a tasty organic meal provided by local farmers using local farm vegetables as well as rabbit and deer or was it donkey? Then we went to a grotto where the green of spring was popping up amongst the brown of Gansu. We stopped at another museum, more of a folk art museum, then stopped at a store that specialized in embroidery. The last event of the extremely full day was a meal like I have never had before with an actual ox steak, turtle, and pigeon. It was super fancy and super rich. I am tired after such a long day and can't really write a good travel blog. Maybe the pictures will entice you to come visit.

When is flexibility too flexible?

This month I am only teaching 4 hours a week because my seniors are doing student teaching at local middle schools. The Dean of the English department so kindly invited me to come and observe the seniors doing their practice teaching with actual middle school students. It is kind of exciting to witness the future lives of English graduates from our university.

However, I am mad.

This morning at 10 am I got a phone call. Tomorrow they want me to reschedule my morning class so that I can go observe a teaching practice at a middle school. My freshmen have a quiz scheduled for tomorrow and rescheduling is a bit difficult because it is a combined class of two classes, class 3 and class 4. Finding a time when they all can meet is a hassle.

Anyways, I told the department that they have to reschedule the class. If they can't, then I will teach it tomorrow at 8 am.

I teach two days out of five days. Why make a simple invitation complicated? My schedule is pretty easy to work around. Why do I have to be so flexible? Why do my students have to be notified at the last minute that their class is rescheduled? Why do we live in this land of unknowns where schedules are so flighty? Since I am the captain, will they want me to reschedule my classes again if the teacher's basketball tournament takes place during one of my classes?

April 20, 2009

I should have known that everything would work out. Having served 2 years already in Africa, I am a Peace Corps veteran. One major lesson that I have learned is that by being flexible, everything always works out. You just have to have patience to wait it out and see that everything always works out. There is no point in getting frustrated or mad at inevitable changes in schedules and last minute plans. Other cultures view time differently than America. Be flexible and go with the flow. It always works out.

I watched seniors practice teach. I taught my class on Friday. The freshmen weren't mad but fully understanding. And I played basketball during the weekend. Why get mad?

Caretaking: Good or Bad?

When does caretaking become not admirable?

I am a caretaker, get pleasure out of helping people, and kind of feel like it is my duty to please people. Am I like this because I have been raised as a woman, trained to put aside my wants for others? Or am I honestly caretaking without feelings of resentment of sacrificing my wants, giving and helping because it is a noble thing to do? Anyways, why and when would sacrificing one's wants for the greater good be wrong?

In Africa, at a rare special meal of care-package sent cheesy tortellini, who would help themselves to a huge portion leaving very little for the other 20 people who are eating? It is considerate to take a small helping, sacrificing your desire for cheesy tortellini so that everyone can have some, right? So why at the end of the line do we run out of sauce and tortellini? Why am I the one who gets a spoonful rather than a plateful? And why am I okay with that, feeling it doesn't matter if I get any as long as everyone else got some.

I exist best when alone. Why? Because I don't have to figure out the balance between pleasing a partner and making sure that I am not sacrificing too much. When you are with a partner, life decisions become complicated because you are suppose to consider the other person's needs and desires. You can't just be selfish and consider your own, or can you? And whose greater good would you consider: the most money, the most stable job, the life adventure of living in a poor village?

I easily fall into the habit of taking into consideration other people's greater goods, other people's needs and desires rather than my own. Is that when caretaking becomes non-admirable?

Here in China, I am often asked to drop everything to take care of someone else's want or desire. 5 minutes before a meeting, I am called to be there. 30 minutes before basketball practice, I am called to be there. Edit this 100 page thesis in two days. Of course I will. At banquets, drink the red wine and down the white baijiu (hard alcohol). To this I put my foot down, because I don't drink at all. Often people would sacrifice their time and wants for me if I had some kind of need or want. In this culture it is an exchange of favors, but saying no is not admirable. It is expected to say yes or find some indirect way of saying no. Also, saying no to someone who is hierarchically your superior seems like a big no no.

In a culture, where saying no is not admirable, I easily fall into a habit of caretaking, of always saying yes and doing what others want of me. I don't know how to balance my need to people please and my desire to be my own person who doesn't sacrifice too much.

Also, often, I don't feel like I am sacrificing anything, but then I fear maybe I am being taken advantage of. Am I just way too flexible with no backbone? The thing is often, I don't care if I have to be somewhere with only a 5 minute warning or if a superior says, "No you can't take vacation," I just shrug my shoulders and say, "Okay." But then am I letting others have too much control over me?

Is there an answer? Do you have any advice?

Today's Vow

The bus from Xian to my city is terrible and I vow NEVER to take it again.

Today though, I was hopeful that maybe today's bus would be fast.

At the bus station, a bunch of men and women asked us where we were going hoping to find more passengers for their taxis or illegal vans and buses. Instead we marched straight to the information desk, asked if there were buses to Xifeng, went to the window and bought a ticket for 8:30 am giving us plenty of time for McDonald's.

I do not like McDonald's breakfast but thankfully this McDonald's served everything for breakfast so I had a hamburger and a fish fillet while Caitlin had a Big Mac and refillable coffee. Imagine that, refillable coffee. What a treat!

Next we went back to the bus station to catch our ride. As Caitlin was tearing the ticket to give me my half, a crowd of men gathered to catch a glimpse of our tickets. It was suddenly known by the whole station that we were going to Xifeng. Even while we were waiting at the toilets, these two women started having a conversation about us and even knew where we were going.

"You skipped the line. Those two were in front of you."
"No I didn't. Those two don't understand anything."
"Yeah they do."
"She looks Chinese. She must understand Chinese."
"They are going to Xifeng."
"Do they understand us?"
"Nah, they don't understand us."

I just laughed at the whole thing. Caitlin and I had given too much space in the bathroom line in our American way. As soon as the woman cut in front of us, we scooted to the door barring it from any other line cutters. It is important to be first in line in a bathroom coz for some reason Chinese women take like 10 minutes in the squat.

The bus was a nice spacious one, big, nice seats, clean with drapes for the windows, and a flat screen TV playing Chinese music videos.

We left right on time at 8:30 am.
But then....

We wandered around Xian for an hour and a half looking for passengers.
We pulled into a different Xian bus station and waited for 10 minutes.
We drove super slow, looking for more passengers.
We hopped onto the freeway and then got off of it after 10 minutes.
We took the crappiest local roads that had a great need for repair.
Going down a ravine, we got stopped by roadwork. Men dressed in bright orange jumpsuits were laying asphalt.

When they finally ran over the sticky black tar with their big machine with a flattening wheel, they let us pass. But then we got into another traffic jam as two lanes on a narrow curvy road tried to become 4 lanes, two lanes in one direction, and two lanes in the other direction. This caused problems for the big buses around the curves. One bus's wide mirrors ran into another bus's side. We stayed there for a good 20 minutes, watching a crowd of men argue and stuff.

We kept going stopping, letting people off, stopping letting people on to replace empty seats.

I slept the whole way, trying to sleep away the terrible, stuffy, hot, long, terrible, terrible ride!

A 3 hour trip by private car took us a freaking 7 hours!

I think the private car is worth the 50 RMB extra.

Strange Ice Cream

Have you ever had

green ice cream that was flavored green pea
vanilla ice cream filled with lentils
ice cream that was corn shaped and flavored
oatmeal ice cream?

There are so many flavors that come on sticks; although, finding ice cream that you scoop is difficult and I am still looking.

Today's Language Lesson: Dreams

In Chinese class today, my tutor asked me "What are your dreams?"

I told her, "My dreams were to live in Africa and China."

She asked, "What are your dreams after China?"

I paused and realized I have accomplished my dreams and have no more dreams.

So what will drive me to the next stage of life?

The American dream?

Ha!

I fear the American dream of getting caught up in the working world of responsibility, working towards retirement for a safe haven in old age.

Doesn't 35 seem long enough, a long enough life of accomplishments and satisfaction for all that I have done.

Pay to Sit Alone

I want to go to the all you can eat breakfast buffet that costs only 10 RMB ($1.46).

I am not hungry though. I just want to go be around people, to people watch, to knit, and to write. It is like coffee shopping in the USA. You are alone by yourself but are not really because there are people surrounding you, which is a sharp contrast to the silence of an empty apartment.

But is 10 RMB worth not eating? 10 RMB is kind of a lot of money. You can get 3 large bowls of noodles or 20 Chinese breads stuffed with meat or 10 large chunks longer than your hand of pineapple on a stick or 5 go's at having your shoes shined. You can get 3 meals for 10 RMB.

However, if I were to go to a bakery the nescafe drink would be 3 RMB and the cake would likely be around 4-5 RMB. Therefore, 10 RMB might actually be worth the all you can drink nescafe and juice de citron, along with the tasty crunchy vegetable salads and stir fries and all you can eat fried eggs.

I like Chinese breakfast because mostly it is savory and you get a healthy selection of slightly cooked vegetables.

I guess I will go around 9 am closer to lunch time.

The less furniture the better

I love my Chinese bed.

It is a simple bed, a thin 1/2 inch thick mattress laid upon a bed frame made up of wooden boards.

Why do people not like sleeping on the floor and enjoy being high?

My Chinese bed's hardness is like sleeping on the floor but with some padding.

My Chinese bed would be even better if I didn't have the extra furniture of the bed frame.

A Less Dedicated Pianist

Last semester, by the ping pong tables, I found piano rooms. Unfortunately, they were locked. By asking around, I learned that there is a woman who lives in a room in another building who has all of the keys to the doors.

Going through official channels, I wrote a letter to the dean of the music department, asking for permission to use the rooms. A fellow English teacher accompanied me and helped translate. We drank tea, sat in big chairs, and I listened to an old Chinese folk story about how music is a language that crosses language barriers. Then I was officially introduced to the key holder of the pianos.

Now I practice piano. My fingers are a bit slow and the rooms are a bit cold. The piano I have been using lately is really nice except for one sticking key that is quite important for the Shubert Impromptu No. 2 in E-Flat.

There are rows and rows of piano rooms, more piano rooms than Alabama A&M. There is always music coming out of this building and the rooms are not very soundproof. It is intimidating being in that music building. Listening to the other pianists, all I can say is WOW! Where in the world did these students learn how to play piano? I really doubt that their families owned pianos. However, I bet if a piano student was given the opportunity to practice piano, they would be 100% dedicated just like how our English students studied a ton while in middle and high school.

The attitude that hard work will bring success is extremely strong in our students and it shows in their work/study ethic.

My First Knitted Clothing

I finally finished my first piece of knitted clothing. It is a tank top made from Karen Baumer's pattern in stitch'N bitch by Debbie Stoller. I didn't want to deal with sleeves for my first attempt of knitting something the right size.

Am I happy with it?

Well, the yarn is a bit bulky therefore doesn't really compliment my body very well. It isn't form fitting nor is it tight fitting. However, I am pleased that it fits. Doing a ribbed pattern is great coz even if you make mistakes, it will likely fit. I am going to try the pattern again with smaller needles and without side seams, basically a large tube for the body. After my second tank top, then I might actually try something a little more complicated that is form fitted using things called pintucks.

April 15. Today I finished my second tank in a different color. I think I like it better.