Sunday, August 15, 2010

Feeling More Like Home

I spent four days biking around Seattle in the silence of my head, a loner taking to the dreary streets of Seattle, but then the sunshine, pink sunsets, and snow capped mountains came out. I spent the next four days biking Seattle to hang out with friends. Today is my last day in Seattle before heading off to Colorado and I am feeling more at peace with being back in the USA. I don't feel a heavy weight pulling me into a downer mood, nor do I feel so much like an outsider anymore. There are friends and potential community here that I enjoy, wish I could spend more time with, and discover. There is a conflict between the Jen who finds happiness and peace being alone with the Jen who finds happiness and peace with the right friends and community. Today I am feeling a great sadness of having to leave people I connect with. Tomorrow though I am sure a new happiness and sadness will arise. That is the way of life.

4 comments:

anneli said...

Apart.

Such a simple concept. So concrete. So easy to represent on charts or diagrams with dots and pushpins either in or out. Yet real life is not dots. Some of us appear to be in, but we are out. And that is where we want to be.

We do not require company. The opposite: in varying degrees, it bores us, drains us, makes our eyes glaze over. Overcomes us like a steamroller. Of course the rest of the world doesn't understand.

Anonymous said...

What is a good Email address for you..

Jamison said...

I long ago abandoned the notion of a life without storms, or a world without dry and killing seasons. Life is too complicated, too constantly changing, to be anything but what it is. And I am, by nature, too mercurial to be anything but deeply wary of the grave unnaturalness involved in any attempt to exert too much control over essentially uncontrollable forces. There will always be propelling, disturbing elements, and they will be there until the watch is taken from the wrist. It is, at the end of the day, the individual moments of restlessness, of bleakness, of strong persuasions and maddened enthusiasms, that inform one's life, change the nature and direction of one's work, and give final meaning and color to one's loves and friendships.

Dr. Jen said...

a good email address for me is my gmail one.... if you know my first initial and my last name, then you've got it.