In the Valley

Today is one of those sad days. In the cycle of living abroad, there are up days and down days. Today is a down day.

My Chinese lesson was excellent though. I was able to answer 5 questions about my childhood in a full story paragraph talking about my mother being afraid of me going to school on a school bus and getting lost at the age of 5 not knowing any Chinese and looking Chinese, talking about being yearbook editor in high school and not having a boyfriend, talking about making mud pies and going swimming in the front yard pond to gather clay at the bottom to make pots, the Alabama sun as the drying oven, and talking about the different animals we had on our farm. I was also able to listen to a joke on chinesepod and watch a Chinese cartoon before class and retell the joke and what the cartoon was about.

I feel though that my spoken Chinese has hit a wall. Everyday, I have been studying how to recognize characters and have been typing different dialogues and homework on the computer, but my spoken Chinese has taken a hit. I stutter along. I wonder if my brain can't do both at the same time. At some point everything will come together, right?

Back to the down day. Why today?

Well in a world where I spend a lot of time with students or had a week with a bit too much socializing, I need a break and just want to sit cooped up in the house knitting and having a Star Wars' marathon, eating ramen water heated by an electric kettle because my gas tank went empty the night before while cooking a bean soup. Cooped up is not a positive thing. It feels like being an old person like my grandmother when I was living with her. That world revolved around meals, TV shows, naps, when the mail arrived, and then bedtime. It had a quiet restless unproductive feel to it. But there are times during the week that I too feel the need for such a day but then once the day is over it feels not so good.

I did leave the house once today to have dinner at the restaurant mall, four stories of restaurants, had a plate of sizzling noodles, and eavesdropped on a couple with whom I was sharing a table with in the crowded restaurant. They spoke of the food, spicy, sweet. They spoke of the weather and of what majors are good to do in college. It was small talk boring talk but I understood it. If that is all couples talk about then the language barrier wouldn't be a problem if I wanted to date someone Chinese. I bought 50 miniature oranges from one of the many vendors pushing bikes around with baskets full of mini fruit. I ate candied strawberries on a stick and stopped at the new bakery where the workers speak English. Chinese bread tends to be sweet even the ones they claim are salty.

Now I am back home working on a blue striped sock.

Tomorrow will be another day. I've been invited on a bike ride. The people I went to Henan with during the summer will all be back in Xifeng for a week. It will be warming to my heart to be reunited with all of them.

Strange Food Bits

PC visited and we had a huge fancy banquet with the President of the the school along with a lot of delicacies imported from other regions of China. Dog was delicious, very tender and meaty.

My yogurt this morning was full of raspberries and red beans.

My student brought me a huge bag of wrinkly red dried fruit that looks like dates, maybe figs, but nothing like the African dates and figs I ate in Senegal. The Chinese ones are more light and airy. She said, "Put them in your tea. It helps the blood of women."

Ugh, Snow Ugly

I come from Alabama a place where any snow and ice will completely shut down the city and will close schools. 

I am not a snow person.

Because I had just finished two years in Africa, and only had Seattle weather in my memory, I only brought a fleece to China.  Boy that was a mistake!  Lucky for me I got a couple of care packages with thermal underwear and heavy jackets.

For about a week now, we have had snow, all types of snow.  Snow that turns into ugly dangerous ice.  Snow that turns into black slush.  Snow that is fluffy and crackles when you walk in it. 

Fluffy snow is somewhat beautiful but even such fresh clean beauty doesn't magically turn me into a snow person. 

I still don't like snow.
I don't like how you have to walk cautiously.
I don't like how suddenly your feet slip from beneath you.
I don't like how cars can't stop and go crashing into people and other bumpers.
I don't like how my clothes get all wet.
I don't like how snow sneaks into your collar and ears.
I don't like having to take a bus instead of biking.

I remember not liking a lot of things about Seattle's weather like the rain and like never seeing the sun almost always seeming to be in some type of darkness. After 6 years, I got used to it and barely noticed those depressing clouds.

I guess I will get used to snow.  It might be a nice thing to get used to.  It does remind me of Christmas postcards and it is fun to knit for; however, my knitted gloves, hats, and scarves are not warm enough.  I need to line all of my knitted items.  I am probably going to cut up some extra fleece pants to line my crafted yarn.

In other news, our one flight a day to and from Xian has been canceled due to the weather.  PC site visitors will have to take a car.

Not an A-Line Bob

Looking for pictures online, I found some great A-line bobs with a high shaved nape. I even found a cartoon picture for hairstylists to stress the point that I wanted a sharp angled bob and not a straight bob. I found a picture to indicate that I wanted the back to be short and high.

My bangs are not long enough yet and still have to catch up with the rest of my hair, so I thought I'd shave off the back which was getting too long-could almost be put into pigtails- and get a new clean cut.

Some of my students recommended a salon and wrote down the hanzi for me. China has thousands of barber shops, and I went along the street checking my notebook against each barber shop sign until I found the recommended one. In I went, showed the 10 workers the pictures, informed them that I wanted my bangs to be the longest part of the hairstyle, asked how much (10 RMB), got my hair washed, and sat down in the chair, pictures in hand waiting to see what would result.

As I was poked and cut three times on my cheek, I told the hairdresser I wanted my hair to be shorter than what she was doing.

She said, "It won't look good."

What does one say to that? Usually I don't really care for public opinion but when a hairdresser says, "That won't look good," it is advice that is kind of hard to ignore while sitting in the chair.

I like hard extreme lines. Unless you are a person with a crazy hairstyle who works in a hair salon, extreme is not a common hairstyle in China which makes it hard to get someone to cut my hair the way I want.

So voila, compared to the shag I was wearing before, here is my new haircut a clean style cut to my female hairstylist's preference. It is longer than what I wanted. Because my bangs are not the longest part of the haircut, it is not a slanted bob but some type of widow's peak like hairdo except on the side of the face instead of on top of the head.



I will get another cut in January, a short short cut. Next time my bangs will be the longest part of the hairstyle and everything else super short!

Language Boxes in My Head

My head has three language boxes: English, French, and Chinese. During French club, my brain gets frazzled as it jumps from box to box. Sometimes I hit a wall in one of the boxes and can't get out of the Chinese box to enter into the French box or vice versa. Sometimes I think I am in the French box believing that the words coming out of my mouth are French when in reality they are Chinese. Ta and toi which one is which? Being in a tri-lingual atmosphere hurts my head as I stutter along jumping from box to box and sometimes getting stuck in one box when I want to be in another.

Monsters Who Torment Poor Freshmen

Yesterday I taught a listening lesson on Halloween and then last night about 6 freshmen visited the Tree House. I asked them what types of scary things are in China. Witches and vampires are not so common but ghosts and zombies, plus monsters, are. I didn't understand their description of the monsters though. They kept talking about a little rabbit. I didn't understand how a little rabbit could be a monster.

Then I asked them, "Since there are no witches, who does magic in China?" They replied that even today villages have men with yin yang compasses who determine where good water is, where a good place is to bury the dead, and other things. Then we talked about fortune tellers who can tell you stuff from throwing coins, from your face, or from your palms. The students laughed when discussing it not believing in that kind of stuff.

Then they told me about the bad boys who live in a building right next door to theirs who throw trash into their dorm room through the window. They have a corner room on the 4th floor and the boys are on the 5th floor opposite their window. The poor bullied freshmen had to pay a huge sum of 18 RMB (6 meals) to have the window fixed and replaced.

Snow and 3 Pairs of Pants

Today we had our first snowfall.

Growing up in Alabama I am not an experienced snow girl. Walking in snow is like walking in the rain. You get wet and it might be smart to carry an umbrella. Who knew?

Tonight I realized that I have missed so many musicals: Wicked, Spring Awakening, Billy Elliot and I am sure a ton more. How sad.

What else have I missed? books? graphic novels? film festivals?

As they dig their way through the free box, students ask, "Why do you like to knit so much?"
"I have to keep my hands busy. Instead of just sitting and twirling them, I like to keep them moving, building a single thread stitch by stitch into fabric. It is really amazing how a piece of yarn turns into something else."

Note to self. Stop knitting hats. Chinese students do not wear hats. Unlike Americans who believe we lose heat through our heads and chests, Chinese students believe in order to keep warm you must wear three pairs of pants.

Because today was a full day of teaching, I went to the school cafeteria to eat; however, today I wandered into each of the four cafeterias only to be met by a wall of students. Everywhere I turned there were students, and I didn't have the patience to push my way to the front waiting my turn by inching my way forward with my nose, shoulders, and body jammed against the disorderly crowd of a line where an inch of space would mean giving someone else my place in line. Instead I stood outside being snowed upon wondering what to do. An English graduate from Xian who speaks Japanese, who works in the English department's office and who was having the same dilemma as I, invited me to eat with him at a restaurant off campus. That was nice.

Learning Chinese Characters

For some reason I have had a very bad attitude towards learning Chinese characters (hanzi). I started with the PC hanzi book and gave up after only two chapters. I felt discouraged at not being able to write the characters. For some reason, I had this idea that in order to learn characters I would have to be able to write them.

Learning Chinese vocabulary has so many steps:
1. Learn how to read pinyin
2. Remember the tones
3. Learn how to read hanzi
4. Learn how to write hanzi

So far I have only semi-mastered step 1 and I still sometimes make mistakes when I read pinyin.

This past week I had an epiphany.

To learn Chinese characters one does not have to write them. You can just read them and learn them through recognition!

I wish I had realized that earlier.

I can use a computer to do my homework instead of having to actually write out the characters. This makes learning the Chinese characters a lot easier! Yay!

Learning: Go to a class or read a book?

I am an independent learner. I tend not to learn from teachers or from other people. I am a type of learner who goes to the library and researches how to do it. I learned how to knit, how to draw, how to juggle, how to fold paper, how to cook, how to use computer programs from books. Teachers were people who gave homework and grades. I learned from books.

I have never participated in a writing class. The writing club though is super fun! It is pretty amazing how writing activities inspires us, how talking about writing with students inspires, how sharing our writing inspires. Maybe there is something beneficial to learning through interacting with people compared to my usual method of the lone independent learner.

Unexpected Gift of Writing Club

Writing club is an excellent way for students to improve their English skills. For an hour, they are reading, writing, speaking, and listening. They are free writing which is an attempt to continuously think in English. This is hard for the students especially for the freshmen. For the participants of the writing club, I believe the hour of thinking and trying to express themselves in English is the most useful skill for them to practice.

Personally for me the best part of writing club is getting to meet the students through their writing, through the thoughts they put on the page, through what ideas they decide to write about triggered by the prompts. I have spent a year getting to know students through the questions I ask about love, family, culture, conflict, and school. Because they are shy it is hard for them to bring up their own topics to talk about; therefore, everything they talk about is somehow influenced by me, by the questions I ask. I am not really learning who they truly are. Their experiences and thoughts are somehow filtered by the one who asks the questions, but with the writing club there is a free flow of thoughts and ideas coming from within them.

As writers, we write from our experiences, from our feelings, from our philosophies. We write about things that are dear to us. When given writing activities, the prompts inspire writing based on who we are. Sharing our writing with each other leads to cultural exchange, leads to an exchange on a very personal level. I am learning more about the students from what they write about than from the many conversations that I have had with them.

Today we did two writing activities: 1. a warm-up of writing an emotion poem 2. using random words to inspire us to write a poem (Random Words Epigraph).

What have I learned about myself and my students ? I learned that I in contrast to the students write about pain, tension, conflict, a pessimistic world while they write about happiness with very beautiful peaceful imagery. But then I also learned about some of them being in love with crying, about the prison of anxiety, about the freedom that kite flying invokes, about how it is maybe better to be weak when there is a fight. We shared with each other how we view different emotions and situations differently. We opened ourselves up and revealed ourselves in ways that answers to my questions never seemed to touch.

Writing club has surprisingly had some unexpected results. I was hoping to just practice my writing and to help the students practice their English skills. Instead I am seeing a new side to Chinese students and they are seeing a new side to their American teacher.

Newest Hat

Hopefully during the winter break I will be able to go to Harbin to visit a student who graduated last year. Harbin is cold. I need a warm hat. I finished it today. (Leef's Ear Flap Hat)

My yarn stash is almost finished. Yay! Soon I will be able to start on a sweater.

Today has been a quiet day. I planned a lesson and prepared tonight's writing club exercise. I cooked a tasty piece of pork with some potatoes. I finished watching the movie UP, and my desk has become a mountain of chaos full of knitting stuff.

General Update

Class

Wednesday I had listening class all day, a day without electricity. I had prepared a Halloween lesson plan; however, because of the lack of a computer, I was only able to do half of the lesson which was the vocabulary listening quiz, the history of Halloween, and the telling of a spooky story, "The Monkey's Paw" by W. W. Jacobs. The rest of the time we listened to each student's homework while writing down each question practicing listening to the different ways students pronounce words. Their homework was to ask 5 questions to their classmates, listen to the answers, write down what they heard and then present one question and answer to the class.

Yarn

I was asked to knit two hats. I finished both of them. I have found the bookmark crochet pattern that I will be using to make Christmas gifts. It is a pretty fast project. Today I made 5 of them.

Chinese Corner

Chinese corner with 11 people was a loud affair exactly how Chinese banquets should be which really indicates something positive about the 6 foreigner's Chinese. It was an 8 course meal: a salty instead of spicy hot pot filled with vegetables, plus other dishes, eggs and tomatoes, chicken with green peppers, a spicy string mushroom salad, eggplant, green beans, fried tofu, ending with a fermented rice egg soup that was sweet with kind of an alcohol after taste. Twas a cheap $20 and I should probably take pictures next time.

Chinese Class

FYI if you ever want to learn Chinese by yourself, Chinesepod is an excellent site plus they give PC volunteers a discount. Today I learned my first Chinese idiom: "Be there or be square." I am not really into learning idioms, slang, or bad words, but today while searching on youku.com for lessons, I found a 4 minute lesson on an idiom. I also found this guy from Africa teaching Chinese with like over 50 lessons. It is kind of strange watching an African guy teach you Chinese.

5th Year in PC

Currently I am in my fourth year with Peace Corps. Next summer will be the start of my 5th year. Shall I stay for that extra year? Peace Corps will pay for a month home leave. I feel that because I was evacuated out of Guinea and placed into a new country, I didn't really become a part of any local community in Africa. It really does take time to adjust to a new village and for that village to accept you. However, in China because I have been here for two years, I am connecting with people, making friends, learning the language and developing ideas for secondary projects. Plus I have a strong desire to see some of my students graduate. I would need a third year to continue down this path.

Health

I cooked a peanut butter stew the other night which included beef bones, mushrooms, bok choy, garlic, ginger, and potatoes. I left it out for over 24 hours believing that my apartment was as cold as a refrigerator; however, I was sadly mistaken and spent a night waking up every hour with stomach pain and a trips to the toilet. I think mushrooms are a tricky food for one's stomach, even my stomach which after 4 years overseas is not delicate at all.

Mood

My mood these days feels strong emotions brewing deep in my chest. I have a strong desire for isolation, solitude, and lonerville. I don't know why. I am happy when I leave the flat and interact with students and friends. I am happy when I participate in clubs, class, and dinners. I feel fine; however, I also feel a sense of freezing cold. Maybe as I sit in my 3 season sleeping bag, a hat on my head, a scarf around my neck, with three top layers, and three bottom layers including 3 articles of knitted clothing, the freezing cold is influencing my mood and piercing into the depth of my soul forcing me to face the dark personal issues that I have been hiding and avoiding so well.

Weather

Winter has arrived.

French Club

Last night was the first meeting of French club. No one really came, except for two other foreigners, one student, and a teacher. The reason I decided to start the French club was because several teachers on campus are studying French. To go to graduate school people have to take the post graduate exam where they are tested on a third language other than English. Our school only teaches Russian. Other schools, bigger schools teach French, Dutch, Japanese, and others.

We had fun doing French Bonjours, Saluts, and Ca Vas plus the alphabet.

Last night I met two teachers who study French by themselves and who have never been in a French classroom. It is shocking how much French they know, how motivated they are to study! It makes me feel guilty about my measly 4 hours a week of Chinese small talk with literally no sitting at a table to study Chinese. Even with only 8 months left, I need to get my butt in gear. Why waste an opportunity? If people who have zero opportunities to speak French are learning French, then I need to be studying Chinese with a vengeance. I am living in China for goodness sake where everywhere I turn I could be practicing Chinese.

Rice Pudding

Two questions Chinese people ask as small talk are

"Are you used to China?"
"Yes I am used to China."
"Do you cook for yourself?"
"No I do not cook for myself because I don't like washing dishes."

I usually eat one meal out and at home snack on apples, oranges, sunflower seeds, yogurt, jello, ramen noodles, oatmeal, and tea as I lesson plan, knit, and watch movies.

The other day I opened this can of what I thought would be deliciousness but instead found a hard mass with no moisture, with a middle of red bean paste that smelled like cat food. Canned rice pudding turned into trash food. I am not sure if I was suppose to cook it, heat it up, or if it had just gone bad.

The Local Crime Report

Last year as they were walking the busy street on a Sunday afternoon, a Swedish couple saw a man with long chopsticks pulling something out of a girl's back pocket. They hollered and the man ran away while the girls turned quickly and saw crazy looking foreigners yelling.

A month ago, screams were heard from the girls' dormitory as a cat burglar snuck around the sleeping rooms stealing cell phones and money, hiding out in dark corners until the morning when the building would be unlocked again.

Several weeks ago, in the darkness of the evening in front of her apartment, the purse of a middle school English teacher from Israel was snatched right offer her shoulder. She lost 800 kuai. Also, that same day, her bike had been stolen.

Last Thursday, as I was walking in the market, three men came screaming towards me and two of them tackled the other landing at my feet, pulling out large shiny silver handcuffs. They roughly picked up the middle aged man and cuffed him.

Last night at 9 pm, at one of the only dance clubs in my town- an empty club with about 30 people moving and shaking and plenty of chairs to sit in- while dancing, out of the corner of my eye just like a Hong Kong action movie, I saw a man fly through the air trying to kick another. The crowd raced off the dance floor and watched from the wings as the two men tried to hit each other with beer bottles, throwing them, missing each other, grabbing another and trying to hammer them on each others heads, while their women with tears running down their faces screaming at the men, tried to pull them away from the fight.

And that ends my crime report.

I'm not sick

It is a bit unsettling being surrounded by 4 burly security guards and having a gun pointed at my head, a temperature measuring gun that is. Every time I leave and return to my gated campus my temperature is checked. There are rumors of a handful of flu cases on campus and the school has implemented some cautionary measures. No English corner. No free talk. No English movie nights, and no Halloween party. No students are allowed to leave the school grounds and one of my freshmen classes today didn't show up for my listening class about the weather. I was also informed that in a few days the H1N1 vaccine will be given out to foreign teachers.

Saturday Shopping

This weekend was a weekend of errands. I only needed to find three things and it took 6 hours to finally make it home. Errands in China can take some time. It is like a challenging scavenger hunt where you don't even know where to start, but I met my Chinese tutor at the front gate on Saturday morning. She would at least be able to ask where is an item and teach me new vocabulary. It was a language field trip.

List of Errands

1. plastic screws for my toilet seat so that future guests don't go sliding off or have to sit on the cold porcelain bowel
2. elastic to keep my knitted pippi longstocking knee highs up
3. balloons for making Halloween pinatas
4. lunch
5. Sitemate needed a large toilet doo hickey. Her toilet has not flushed with a press of a button in over a year. She uses the bucket method.

The most important item were the toilet things. We headed to the Longdong Open Market and found no western toilets. We asked around, and they replied, "Go to the construction supply market."

Then we wandered around looking for balloons and then elastic. Those items were easy to find. The balloons were in the wedding stores full of flowers and red decorations and the elastic was found in an alleyway on tables run by three older women selling buttons, zippers, and embroidery items to decorate insoles. We had to walk in huge circles and did a lot of doubling back. Longdong Market fills a city block.

Shopping took an hour and finally we were able to sit down to a lovely Chinese meal full of tofu soup, a green salad, beef and baby potatoes, and spinach filled crepes.

Then we took a $0.50 taxi to the construction market that was all the way across town and actually really wasn't that far. It would have probably taken 30 minutes to walk there, but the sky was gray, ready to start dumping water. We found stores stocked full of toilet items. I found plastic screws. Sitemate found doo hickies.

With no umbrellas in sight, it started to rain and we were about 15 minutes from the university but only 5 minutes from UBC coffee an expensive western place where you can get a pot of tea for $4 or a latte for $5. Waiting out the rain we shared a pot of Russian black tea filled with sweet dry strawberries and finally made it back home at 5 pm.

It was a long day. I used a lot of Chinese, marked off all of the items on the list, and finally fixed my toilet with the new plastic screws. I had to use a knife to modify the screws so that they would fit my toilet seat. Plastic screws are not going to last long and they are probably going to snap like the other ones did. At least I know where to find them again.

Buying the balloons was pointless since all large gatherings except for class have been canceled due to an outbreak of flu. No more studying in self-study rooms. No more movie nights. No more English corner, and no Halloween parties.

And last but not least, as the weather turns colder and colder and as the water pipes sit silently cold, my socks no longer gather at my ankles but keep my calves and shins warm.

Twas an atypical shopping day in China. Usually I come home empty handed unable to find that which I am looking for, but I have learned if I really want to get something done ask someone to help. It is hard. I like my independent ways, like not having to bother anyone, like trying to do it myself. Sometimes though I have to do it the Chinese way and do errands as a group instead of as one person.

Christmas Wish List

Living overseas, I rarely have ever asked for anything coz well I am happy making do with the goods of whatever country I am living in. I did need Dramamine which my mother kept me supplied with. Thank you Mom.

Because China is full of yarn stores, I don't really need this item, but I kind of want it.

The one item on my Christmas Wish List is

the beautiful multi-colored
Noro Yarn

If you are interested in giving me some, you can either send it to Colorado where some of my friends are preparing to come visit China in December or you can directly send it to my college in China. (Email me and I will send you whatever address you need.)

You can even throw in an extra ball of yarn and request that I make you something. I love knitting and make too many of everything filling the free box full of knitted goods. Put in your requests and I will knit it for you. It would be so much nicer knitting for someone specific rather than a random free box.

Newest Hat, A Baseball Cap

As I make my way through all of my yarn, here is the third hat, Buggerloo by Crystal Shadrick. I had some leftover wool from a felted bag project and decided to knit a felted hat. I made a few changes. I used a different brim from a previous hat. I also used bigger needles like size 8 and 10.5. Before felting, the hat looked like a rasta hat, but it did shrink after 30 minutes of washing in scalding water. Now it fits loosely.

Pressure of Conformity

The last time I was in China back in 1989, I just let my hair grow out. I don't even remember getting a haircut during the two years of living in China. I don't remember my parents taking me to get my hair cut nor do I remember asking to get my hair cut. When I returned to the USA entering my first year in high school, I had waist long hair. I remember standing in the lunch line and having students comment that my hair was like the tail of a horse, so black, so thick, so long.

I cut it all off my senior year in college, my hair getting shorter and shorter with each medical school rejection letter until it was a chin length slanted bob. In graduate school, I shaved it all off after a breakup.

Today I like having a short boy haircut. I do not like having long hair. I do not like having a feminine haircut.

Yet why do I today let my hair grow out?

Conformity

People in Africa and in China like my hairstyle when it is longer, when it is more feminine.

The thing is I know that I get stared at as people try to guess my sex and often mistakenly label me as male when I have short hair wearing winter clothes covering up my curves. My winter jacket is black and is a jacket that Chinese men would wear in China. I don't wear high heels and wear collared shirts which would look amazing with a tie.

Students give me compliments when my hair is longer and I am sure there are comments made behind my back when I have short boy hair. I am sure men who like having long hair face this issue in China too. They receive compliments when they cut off their locks and are secretly commented about when their hair is long.

Peace Corps asked men to cut their locks in D.C. before taking the flight to China.

We conform to be accepted, to be respected, to make our jobs easier as we integrate into the new community.

As my hair grows longer and longer, I feel this strong urge to say NO to conformity and chop it off. But what will the consequences be?

Next weekend I think I will cut my hair.

My Bathroom and Another Hat

Last night as I was brushing my teeth, I realized it has been 3 years and 3 months since I have looked at myself in a mirror brushing my teeth. In Africa, I was always brushing my teeth with a plastic goblet in one hand and a toothbrush in the other, cleaning my teeth out in the field in front of my mud house making white spit marks upon the dust. In China, my bathroom does not have a sink. It is a TINY bathroom where the western toilet takes up all of the room. I even have to sit sideways so that my knees fit. I would have preferred a squat toilet. It would have made taking a shower easier and not so claustrophobic. I use the kitchen sink to brush my teeth. No mirrors in there.


FYI When in China, don't flush toilet paper it will only clog up the system.

Here is the Austin Newsboy Cap (pattern) that I finished last night at 2 am.

Class and Poor Boy Cap

Yesterday I had a full day of Freshmen listening classes plus two hours in the Tree House. It was a full American work day, 8 hours, and I am not used to that. I feel asleep at 9.

In class, students were volunteering every which way and were showing their enthusiasm by trying to stand faster than their classmates to speak English and tell me about their dreams and the dreams of their parents. The dreams of Chinese students were to be able to travel, to have a happy and healthy life, to become translators, and Chinese teachers to foreigners, to make a lot of money. Their parents' dreams were that their children would finish college, find a good job, and have a happy life with their own family. We spent the first hour doing boring listening exercises out of the book and then we switched it up and had a lesson on dreams using the clip of Britian's Got Talent's Susan Boyle.

This morning before my Chinese lesson, I finished the Poor Boy's Cap (pattern).

Crochet versus Knitting

I started learning how to crochet while living in China back in 1989. My dad got a job at a nuclear power plant and my family moved to Daya Bay in Guangdong Province. I was 12 years old living in an ex-pat compound full of French families, a few British families, and a handful of American families. The place was full of stuff to do. There was a beach, a swimming pool, and a club house full of squash courts, ping pong tables, movie room, even a skater's park plus kids and friends galore.

It was there where I met a woman who taught me how to crochet. My very first project was a pair of slippers. Ever since my first lesson, I have been crocheting. I would bike to the local market and buy hanks of yarn. I learned how to roll balls without making big tangled messes. I can crochet just about anything doilies, afghans, cool hats (made a butt load of them for the rugby team), and stuffed animals. I even attempted clothing, made a vest in high school and wore it every day. But it was a piece of clothing dear to my heart only because I had made it. In reality none of the clothes looked professional or beautiful. I gave up the pursuit of crocheting clothing.

I just started learning how to knit a year ago when I moved back to China into the winter cold. Two years in Africa made Gansu feel freezing. Even at this specific moment as I type this blog, I am sitting in a sleeping bag. I am cold!

When a person is cold, knitting brings warmth to the heart.

Yesterday I finished a pair of mittens.

Knitted clothes look amazing.

Which craft do I prefer now? I see the benefits of both. I would never knit an afghan. Crochet is fast and easy. I doubt I would ever crochet a piece of clothing. Knitting is the craft for that.

Living in China has taught me two important skills how to crochet and how to knit. All is good.

Secondary Project: Writing Club

I dream of becoming a writer, but I know that my writing is a bit dry, a bit too scientific, and not very poetic or descriptive. I am not a storyteller nor a fiction writer. I am passionate about human truths, more specifically my truths.

David Eddings wrote, "Start early and work hard. A writer's apprenticeship usually involves writing a million words (which are then discarded) before he's almost ready to begin. That takes a while."

I am 32 years old and I am working towards those million words.

Tonight was the first meeting of the Tree House Writing Club. I had 4 people show up plus myself, making a manageable total of 5 wannabe writers. We did the 6 word memories exercise blogged about by Phil and Patrick. I can only hope and do strongly believe that with each writing exercise creativity and the ability to write improves.

If you have any suggestions of activities for the writing club, do send them my way.

Thanks.

Gender Equality: America, Africa, China

In America, the fight for gender equality has become a subtle fight where probably most Americans feel that the big war is over and now we are just trying to fine tune it. I never feel like a second class citizen just because I am female, and I rarely feel that I am treated differently than males. America's history for the fight for gender equality has created a day where females take it for granted that we are equal to men.

In Guinea and Burkina Faso, there has not been the fight for gender equality. Instead the conditions are being prepared for a future war. Women and men are not equal. Men have power, status, education and the leisure to relax and play. Women are second class citizens who do most of the work with little recognition, have babies, and struggle every minute of their lives to please the men, to keep their children alive, and to keep themselves from drowning in the poverty of West Africa.

As the visiting foreigner, I felt like a third gender. I was female but I had power, status, education, and the leisure to relax and play. I was not seen as a second class female citizen, but as a gender closer to males and was treated as such. Being on the top of the hierarchy, I didn't ever really personally feel that I was being treated differently just because I was female. As a daughter of the American fight for equality, I of course noticed the gender inequalities.

If I had been married, it would have been a different story, and I would have personally felt the gender inequality. I would have been ignored while my husband was acknowledged. Messages would have been passed to me by way of the male of the household even if it had nothing to do with him. He would have been asked to fight my fights, to solve my problems, to be the leader of the pair as I just sit quietly and look pretty.

In China where I see road and construction crews with a noticeable female worker presence, I wonder what is the status of gender equality in China? Did the increase of female employment during the Mao era create gender equality? One of Chairman Mao's sayings was "Women hold up half the sky."

Okay so I hold up half the sky; therefore, treat me as an equal. It is here in China where I have personally felt the inequality of being female. At a wedding of a personal friend who we have known for over a year, neither I nor my sitemate were asked to give a speech. Instead, the newly arrived American male foreigner who worked at the bride's father's school was asked to say some words. He had only arrived three days ago and had never even met the bride.

Another time that I felt the effects of gender inequality was at a restaurant. There were three of us, one American male, and two American females where one of them, me looks Chinese. The waiter come up to our table and started giving us a speech. No, let me rephrase that, the waiter instead of talking to the table and talking to everyone, turned and faced directly towards our American male and proceeded to explain something to him in Chinese. Maybe the waiter incorrectly assumed that our male companion had amazing Chinese language skills. Maybe the waiter didn't notice the Chinese American girl who is always assumed to speak Chinese. Or maybe gender inequality is still strongly alive in China.

One could assume that in China there is a push towards equality. Girls are educated as boys are. Women work and there is a claim of equal pay. There is an idea that women can do work that men do. But the true answer I believe is in the day to day interactions between males and females. Males are acknowledged and females are ignored. Males still have the higher status and females have very little.

Every country has its problems with gender inequality and I can only hope that we continue the fight, continue educating, continue thinking and acknowledging the problems. Change does happen. Sometimes it takes living in another country to realize just how lucky I am to be female living in America and how thankful I should be towards those women and men who fought in the war for gender equality.

What shall I do for work?

Some knitters and people who crochet like complicated patterns, like airy lace fabrics, like creating fancy motifs, like following a chart, like having to keep their brains on in order not to make a mistake.

I am someone who likes repetitive plain and simple knit and purl, someone who likes a pattern that is easily memorized and repeated throughout the piece, a pattern where I don't have to concentrate but can watch a movie, listen to a podcast, or have a conversation.

My knitting personality might also indicate the type of work I like. Yesterday I spent 6 hours teaching three listening classes that were exactly the same. I liked it. I wasn't bored, but enjoyed the ability to fine tune the lesson plan into something great for the lucky last class of the day. I do the same thing when I knit. I have ripped out completed projects and knit them again in a better way. It doesn't bore me.

I enjoy practicing towards perfection.

When I think back on my school days, what did I enjoy?
I enjoyed figuring out a problem and redoing them over and over again.

When I think back on my laboratory days, what did I enjoy?
I enjoyed washing dishes.

I worked in a bakery.
I worked at a temp agency doing construction.
What did I enjoy?
I enjoyed the repetitive movement towards a finished project.

I was looking at government science jobs online and I cringed as I read the job duties.

One day I shall return to the states, then what?

Pick a bookmark

I crocheted three bookmarks last night and am wondering which ones I should make more of to hand out as gifts. Please vote.

Bookmark 1

Bookmark 2

Bookmark 3

So cold

I am freezing.
Until the heat returns,

I will forever remain in my down sleeping bag,
being frustrated with knitting lace bookmarks
switching to a crochet hook
feeling the winter chill as
I make Christmas presents
in October.

Vest Project

Here is the vest I finished knitting today. The pattern can be found at The Daily Knitter. It is the second piece of clothing that I have ever put together.

I still cannot figure out gauge very well. The first attempt was way too big, but from that ripped out start I calculated a better size. I started over again; however, the vest was way too short and I had to add 6-8 inches at the bottom. I learned how to undo stitches from the cast on side in order to lengthen it.

Undoing stitches from the bottom cast on takes forever. It took like 3 hours. I learned two techniques. The first technique from the book stitch n bitch was just unweaving the whole thing. It took forever which was why I was up till 3 am. It would have taken another million hours if I hadn't found the second technique of just snipping one piece of thread.

On my trip to Chengdu I found some soft beautiful yarn and forgot that I had told myself not to buy anymore yarn until I had finished up all of my stashed yarn. Oh well, I am happy with the purchase and finished a warm scarf with the free fat arm-length wooden needles that the shop keeper gave me.

Knitting is not Meditation

I thought that the repetitive nature of knit purl, knit knit, a thousand purls, and a thousand knits, the repetitive nature of two clicking needles while staring into a maroon sweater vest as it grows, could possibly lead me to enlightenment, the art of zen turned into the art of knitting, the mantra of ohm turned into the mantra of knit, purl, knit.

Last night I sat for 15 minutes, counting breaths with closed eyes.

Knitting is not practice for meditation.

My mind wandered. It wasn't quiet. It was a speedy little bee buzzing from flower to flower from idea to idea. This was not the mind of someone who practices meditation. This was not the mind that I have felt during a longer stint of a meditation habit.

The only thing that was easy was sitting for 15 minutes. I probably can sit for hours. Actually I am an expert at sitting for hours. Traveling in China and Africa, I have learned how to sit, to wait, to have nothing to do, but sit.

Contemplating in a Cold Flat

It has been a day full of learning how to do a new knitting technique because my sweater vest is too short. As I sit here ripping out, catching stitches, and fixing dropped ones, a few thoughts have been passing through my mind:

I wonder how much cell phones cost in the USA. I never had one stateside except when my mother gave me one for a few months since I was in Alabama before moving to Africa. I would have never had one in Africa or in China except a friend gave me one. That friend sure does supply me with a lot of electronics that I would never bought for myself: ipod, laptop, digital camera, wolverine, Solaris. (I had a cheap film camera that I left behind when I evacuated out of Guinea. That was a stupid idea not bringing a digital camera to Africa, but I was trying to be frugal and not a target for thieves.)

I wonder if knitting is like meditating. I am reading eat, pray, love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It has kind of inspired me to start meditating again. I wonder if trying to meditate will be easy or a challenge. Is knitting a type of meditation that will make sitting for 20-30 minutes observing my breath easier?

I wonder if Peace Corps would pay for a month home leave if I decided to stay one more year in China and do a fourth year. I have already had one month home leave for the third year transfer to China. I really want to come home and know sort of that it is important to maybe start making money, but there are times when I feel like WOW, I am really part of this community.

One more thought:

One of the biggest pieces of advice veteran volunteers give newbies is "Leave your house, flat, or compound at least once a day. Do not hole up there!"

In Africa, I found this to be easy. There were places to explore, cooler trees to sit under, tea to drink, and well the compound can get awfully boring with only books, music, paper and chores to entertain you with.

I do remember one time sitting at my desk in Guinea debating whether or not to go buy some freshly killed cow. I was a newbie scared to bargain, scared of not knowing how to choose which part and how much of the cow to point to, scared to look like a rich foreigner who can afford meat. When I finally got the nerve, the meat was all gone.

In China, holing up in one's apartment is kind of easy. Outside is cold and rainy. Inside is warm and full of electronic stimuli. As a veteran, I don't hole up in my flat, but it sure does seem like I spend a lot of time in there.

Today I had a Chinese lesson, judged a speech competition, ate in the cafeteria, and had a tea party with some students, American cookies with Chinese tea. I think in China because I have electricity the days are just longer and one has plenty of time to step out of the flat as well as spend a lot of time in the flat. Last night I didn't go to bed until 3 am.

Hostel Review: Xian and Chengdu

I have stayed in three hostels in Xian:  Han Tan, Shuyuan, and 7 Sages Youth Hostel and one hostel in Chengdu:  Holly's Hostel.

Han Tan

Dorm bed price: 40-50 RMB

Location:  West of the Bell Tower and Drum Tower, near the Subway restaurant, near Parkson shopping mall, near the Muslim quarter, near the airport shuttle.  I had a hard time finding this hostel the first time.  When you are near the Parkson shopping mall, look west and up.  You should be able to see a small sign that says U-tels.  It is the red door right next door to Subway.

Pluses:  The location is great and the western cafe is a nice place to chill.  Plus you get a free coffee and a free beer.  The free glass of beer is at the bar under the Shuyuan hostel, so you  have to walk about 15 minutes to get it.  Another benefit of this hostel is you don't have to walk outside to go the bathroom or use the showers.  Free internet.

Minuses:  The bathrooms and rooms are so so.  This hostel feels like a cheap hotel.  Also, I don't like bathrooms where you get the toilet all wet by showering.  If you are afraid of dogs or allergic to them, this hostel has a dog.

Shuyuan Hostel 

Dorm bed price:  30-40 RMB

Location:  Near South Gate, walk west along the wall.  It is easy to find.  Close to beer street and a street full of yummy cheap food like BBQ, two wings for 6 RMB. 

To find the food street, walk along bar street toward the north of the city.  At the end of bar street, near the bakery, turn left.  Then at the next street take another left.  That is cheap food street. 

Also if you are looking for a place to sit for a while to get out of the heat and to taste a drink buffet with all you can eat ice cream and fresh fruit, try Bee Cafe (don't remember the exact name).  It is 30 RMB per person.  Walk out of Shuyuan hostel's front doors, turn left.  At the end of the street, turn left into the parking lot (your back is facing the South gate).  Walk straight.  Cross the little street and keep walking straight and the first floor cafe is on your left.  It is kind of hidden, hard to see from the street.

Pluses:  Free coffee and beer.  Good cafe and a bar downstairs.  Good location near international food and tourist sites.  Near beer street.  Has a quaint Chinese atmosphere.  Cheapest beds I have found so far.  Free internet.

Minuses:  During the winter, because of the open courtyard, it can be rainy and cold taking a shower and walking to the toilets.  Also, the cheapest basement beds have a basement feel, claustrophobic, muggy smell, and no windows to the outdoors.  These rooms do have fans.  This hostel also has a dog if you are allergic.

7 Sages Youth Hostel       

Dorm bed price:  40-? RMB

Location:  About a 10 minute walk to the north train station.  About a 30 minute walk to the tourist, shopping and international food area of Xian.  Right around the corner from a local free park.  Close to a lot of cheap local food. 

I arrived at 6 am and it is located in a gated courtyard in the way back of the street.  There is a doorbell though and then look towards the back of the car filled courtyard and you will see hostel flags.

The best nearby restaurant is a dumpling chain.  It is on the south side of Xi Wu Road.  From the hostel, once you reach Xi Wu Road, turn right (west), cross the street using the overpass walking bridge, and keep walking west.  It has an English name and is right beside an outdoor bbq yard that has solid wooden benches.  The menu is in Chinese; however, be patient.  Even if you are hungry, just wait and see what they bring out for other people.  Then choose and point.

Pluses:  Unique ancient Chinese courtyard atmosphere.  Great movie room.  Nice outdoor and indoor cafe with excellent music.  A good way to meet Chinese travelers.  Close to the train station.  Best showers I have felt in Xian so far.   

Minuses:  It is a hike to the Bell Tower.  You have to walk outdoors to the very clean bathrooms and showers. This can be cold and rainy in the winter. No free internet.  One dog and two cats if you are allergic.  

Holly's Hostel in Chengdu

Dorm bed price:  25-? RMB

Location:  A very quaint neighborhood, near Wu Hou Ci Temple, snack street, a university with tons of cheap street food, and Tibetan stores and restaurants.  About a 30 minute hike to Tianfu Square. 

Take bus 57 from the train station.  It runs by the temple which is very close to the hostel.  Bus 27 does not run by the temple, but runs on 1st ring road.  You need a map if you want to try to find the hostel using bus 27.  Lucky for me I had a map.

Pluses:  Great neighborhood, big industrial fan, can walk to many local sites in Chengdu.  Has a rooftop restaurant with cheap Chinese food.

Minuses:  Dingy.  Free internet for 30 minutes.

I love Africa but

instead of doing a third year, I left. I would have loved to do a third year, but the mosquitoes drove me out of the country. Every mosquito bite turned into a staph infection and I ended up with nasty quarter size and sometimes larger black scars. Lucky for me my legs didn't end up as bad as some volunteers' polka dotted legs.

Sometimes during the summer my legs and feet would be covered with band aids and a huge number of flies would land on each covered sore. It was gross.

I could have stayed in Africa if I had been willing to wear pants, socks, and shoes, but it was so hot. Plus have you ever tried to pee in an empty field with your butt exposed to the world? Skirts were practical pieces of clothing, easy to go to the bathroom in, easy to create a bit of privacy in a country with few bushes and trees, easy to hide from the bush taxi eyes as they followed the foreigner who has to pee, easy to be modest and create a bit of respect from the Muslim men.

Lucky for me I moved to Gansu, a dry desert where the mosquitoes are few.

However, last week I went to Chengdu for the national holiday and mid-autumn's day. In that wet humid climate, a city filled with water canals, and a teahouse culture where you sit by the water drinking tall glasses of chrysanthemum and green tea for hours at a time, the mosquitoes attacked.

PS. Have you heard Peace Corps Guinea volunteers are being moved out of the country again? Remember when that happened to me?

A Small Challenge

One of the biggest challenges I face as a PC volunteer both in Africa and in China is traveling to and from the Peace Corps office.

In Africa especially Guinea, the trip was long, dusty, hot and squished. It would take at least two days, one day to get out of site, and one day to get down to Conakry. In Burkina Faso, the trip was a lot easier except for all of the sitting and waiting since the one bus to and from my site never had a reliable schedule.

Unlike Africa, China has paved roads. One might assume that transportation in China would be a lot easier and in many places it is. From my site though, the route just makes me sick, literally sick. It might be the drivers who speed and stop weaving at unpredictable rates, making a 2 lane road into a 4 lane road as slow trucks are passed. It might be the windows that don't open with warm air flowing out of the ac system. It might be the noise pollution blaring from the DVD player. Whatever it is, a wide mouth nalgene bottle is useful when no plastic bags are available.

A bus from my city can take two routes, the fast highway or the slow road that passes through a bunch of tiny towns looking for passengers. One route can be as fast as 3-5 hours while the other can be anywhere from 5-8 hours. Whether you take the freeway or the slow roads, there is no bypassing the hill. The hill is terrible where the pavement has been scraped off leaving a washboard of a road.

If you hit the hill at the wrong time, be prepared to wait for 30 minutes as 20 workers spread several inches of black sticky tar. Then wait for another 30 minutes as a rolling pin tractor smooths it flat. The last wait will be another 20 minutes as the traffic reorganizes itself from the mess it made while waiting impatiently.

Once traffic is stopped by a road block, cars don't stay in their lane. Instead they move out of their lane and speed forward until they hit the road block. A two lane road turns into a one way street. Two one way streets meet at the road block, a wall of headlights with a mountain on one side and a ravine on the other. Then what? Another 20 minutes for the cars to rearrange themselves into passable lanes.

This is not the worse of it. The bus then makes it the outskirts of Xian and sometimes drops you off at a bus station and sometimes at some random corner in Xian. At both places one has to take a 30-40 minute local bus into downtown Xian where the train station is located.

The whole trip takes FOREVER and my weary mood cannot be cheered up even with a delicious steak salad, one of the best I have ever tasted.

Once I make it to the train station, I have a 16 hour trip down to Chengdu then a 50 minute local bus ride to the university, then a 30 minute walk to the office.

This is the trip I took on Sunday to get a flu shot and to bring back a flu shot for my sitemate.

Instead of returning by train and making the trek over 2 days, PC decided to fly me back to Xian. At 6 am, I had to hike 40 minutes to the local bus that takes an hour to get to the airport. I wanted to be early in case I had problems getting the syringe and medicine through security. The flight was only an hour and a half, but the Xian airport is miles outside of Xian. I had to take an hour bus ride into Xian, stand in a line going out the door to buy a bus ticket and then trek home sitting on a bus for 6 hours. Luckily the bus was full so instead of driving on the slow road passing through towns we rode to the end of the freeway, got caught up in a hour of roadwork, made it up the hill and finally arrived at site at 7 pm. It was a long day.

Guess what, I am going back to Chengdu tomorrow for a week long vacation. Why do I torture myself? Lucky for PC though, coz while I am on vacation, they can give me a vaccination that they forgot when I was there on Monday.

First Full Week of Teaching

I taught a full week of 5 classes this week, a total of 10 hours.

My four Freshmen listening classes are full of sweet bright eyed bushy tailed students. I spent Wednesday teaching 6 hours, teaching 6 hours of the same exact thing three times. I thought it was going to be super terrible. Instead, it was kind of fun. The students make all the difference.

I received several sweet texts from new students.

"Miss Jeniffer, I'm Joceyln, is a freshmen. I'm so glad to learn from you!"

"Miss Jennifer. I'm very glad to see you. sincerely! By your words, I can feel your strong heart. I want to be friends with you which makes me so happy! sincerely :) "

Next week is a National holiday. If you haven't heard it is China's 60th Anniversary. It will probably be at least 3-4 weeks before I have another full week of teaching.

This weekend I am going to Chengdu for a flu shot.
Cheeseburgers and milkshakes here I come! Yum!

Online Dating Useful?

The other day I wrote a blog titled, Pointless for Me to Online Date. Maybe it isn't all pointless. It actually sometimes is useful.

I wrote the blog because as the day, I return to the states, approaches, I have been wondering how to meet people. Living abroad for 4 years has shrunk my social circle into a loner circle of 1, moi, so how do I widen that circle?

Plus one of the main reasons, I am coming home is because I miss connecting to people where my full identity doesn't have to be suppressed and hidden. Volunteering abroad I hide a lot of my identity in order to be accepted by the community. For example, if I was living in a community of traditional religious fanatics, what type of identity would I have to present in order to fit in, and what would I have to hide? I am tired of hiding and want to go home to join again the communities that accept me, all of me.

When I did a short bout of online dating back in Seattle, I met a lot of people. I met a lot of people I did not connect with. I met a lot of people with whom I felt a bit awkward with, but gave them at least one more date to try to get over my stranger anxiety. During two dates, I would try to overcome my wallflower personality of meeting a stranger for the first time. Practice makes perfect. Little by little I was learning how to make small talk and be less afraid of meeting someone new. Yet, my new ease at talking to strangers still didn't help overcome the lack of chemistry between us. I would have lovely meals with people, but nothing to push me to want to see them again and again to allow a friendship to bloom. This is what happened with the majority of people I would meet, and I slowly started feeling that online dating was a waste of time, until....

Until, I met two amazing people I actually connected with, two people who had similar lifestyle interests, two people with whom I could explore the city, cooking, art, nature and the deeper questions such as who we are and what type of lives and connections we want to have. Online dating led me to making a connection with two awesome people, so it can't be all bad.

In small cities, online dating is probably pointless. There just isn't a big enough pool of people and a big pool is what one needs when searching for a connection. Seattle on the other hand is full of interesting people. There are tons of pools full of different types of people, the outdoor lovers, the hi-tech engineers, the artists, the hippies, the Burning Man clicks, and the alternative lifestyle people.

The big question is "Am I willing to spend a lot of time searching for that connection?" Is there a way to streamline online dating such that you only go on dates with people with whom there is a high probability of connection?

Online dating might not be all that pointless. Sometimes it is good. I met two amazing people, but am I willing, to sit through many forced dates to try to find that connection again?

A Lazy Sunny Day

Today was a lazy Sunday.

During my 1 hour Chinese class, I learned how to properly use the words, before and after.

Then I went on a 5 hour bike ride with my Chinese friends to what seemed like a national park that had a great big valley, a couple of lakes, and a small waterfall. I walked down the hills not trusting my brakes and then back up the valley pushing my one gear bike.

I watched a couple of episodes of Stargate Atlantis.

I visited with freshmen at the Tree House.

The day ended with an evening Thanksgiving meal with all of its fixings prepared by Chef Sitemate.

Now it is time for bed. I have to teach at 8 am tomorrow and hopefully weather permitting, I will be able to bike the 20 minutes to New Campus, teach and come back for my afternoon class plus buy a train ticket to Chengdu. Peace Corps wants me to reschedule my classes and come in for a medical checkup and a flu shot. They will fly me back so I can give my sitemate her flu shot before she goes off for the week long October holiday.

September has been a teaching month where I barely teach. I wonder how October will be. Will I have daily lazy Sundays or will I actually be teaching?

Pointless For Me to Online Date

Shifting through years of my dating history, from my first partner at 19 to my last partner at 31, I have realized that I date people because of a certain chemistry or because of proximity. There are very few people with whom I have felt the sting of chemistry, the chemistry of attraction, that certain high that one gets with certain people for some reason or another whether it be their dreads, their rebellious statements, the way they think, their deep intensity, or how they look on a bike.

Because I am mostly unemotional and because I just go with the flow, my friendships tend to turn into relationships through proximity not because of the attraction of chemistry. When I write attraction due to proximity, I am talking about the idea that because you see a person often enough, some type of connection happens, a connection that results in a relationship.

For example:
I frequently see the person.
I like the person.
We become friends.
We hang out.
I feel comfortable with them.
We become a couple.
Things just naturally progress into a peaceful relationship.
This is the proximity rule at work.

Then there is the other side of the card, chemistry, the type of attraction that is a sweet feeling, a heart thumping misleading feeling that my logic fears.

My brain says, chemistry never lasts.
Be practical.
Practicality is more important than some unnamed emotion.
Compatibility should win over those high feelings of chemistry.
Feelings come and go.
It is the other person and all of their faults and conflicts that you will be left with.
A friendship turned into a relationship is more stable than an attraction because of chemistry.

A relationship based purely on chemical feelings will quickly die out. Who is able to hold onto emotions? No one. A relationship formed because of chemistry is destined to fade, to die, to disappear into the passage of time. Are the memories of emotional highs worth an inevitable empty bed? Or is better to play it safe than risk attempting a go with chemistry?

I think safe is a better bet. Getting to know a person because of proximity, becoming their friend, then their girlfriend is the way to go. I have never had a long term relationship with someone with whom I had chemistry with; therefore, online dating is pointless for me.

As a woman, I can meet a lot of people through online dating, but how many of those would I click with, have some sort of chemistry with in order to continue seeing each other? Out of the hundreds of profiles to look through, which ones would I like enough to even try to get the proximity rule to start having it's influence?

When I did online dating, I would meet people and we would have one or two dinners. If there was no chemistry, why would we even try to meet again? If we never meet again, how can the proximity rule create a friendship turned relationship?

Plus, most of my relationships that started because of chemistry died early.

So in conclusion, internet dating is a waste of time for me. Why?

1. I have to meet a ton of people to narrow down the field to someone I have chemistry with.

2. Chemistry would allows us to meet again and again thus forcing the proximity rule to result in becoming friends and then lovers, but according to my dating history, relationships that start because of chemistry never last.

et voila, online dating is pointless for me.

Instead I will just play a sport, hang out with a group of people with the same interests and maybe, just maybe I will find a friend.

My First Class, for Real

After many weeks of thinking I would teach, I finally taught today. My first student came in and instantly started asking me a ton of questions in Chinese. I politely said hello in English and proceeded to turn on the energy and the computers to activate the listening lab. About 70 students filed in and it was funny to watch their faces slowly start understanding that this class was being taught by an American in English.

Today was the second day of sun in weeks. I rode my bike to work. I forgot how much fun it is to actually use a bicycle for transportation and not just for pleasure and exercise.

It is funny how work can jump start productivity other than knitting. Tonight we picked our Tree House Library volunteer workers and have lots of ideas for other projects from a book reading competition, to writing clubs, French clubs, and an English tutoring center. Also, I am making a peanut butter soup full of veggies and pork. Instead of just eating jello and instant noodles, I actually cooked. Teaching jump starts productivity.

Today was the first day of teaching and actually it was the only class that I am teaching this week. Next week I will have a "full load" of 10 hours leaving plenty of time for secondary projects and of course knitting.

This semester's second Chinese lesson

My language learning has hit a wall, and I don't really know what to do next.

Today I had a fun language lesson of just talking in Chinese for an hour, writing down new vocabulary, and learning sentence structures for particular phrases that I wanted to use.

For some reason, I have a strong dislike and a very low motivation for trying to learn how to read, but maybe that is the next step that I really need to walk towards in my language learning. Is my dislike for reading the wall that I need to break through?

When I was in Africa, during Peace Corps French language lessons we had 4 hours of conversation a day. We sometimes learned new grammar if it came up while we were talking. We were building our vocabulary by using it and were learning how to just communicate with the vocabulary we already had.

In China, because my Chinese was non-existent, Peace Corps training was very structured with a book that we used 4 hours every day.

Now that my Chinese skills have reached a certain level, I just want to do it the African way, but is that really helpful?

Any Chinese learners out there with any advice?

A busy day

Today, still in my pajamas, I had my first Chinese lesson of the semester. I mistakenly thought the lesson was for Friday morning.

I may have a new motivation to learn Chinese. If I would like to try for a high paying English teaching job in Taiwan, I need to be able to speak some Mandarin.

Today I went to a wedding. I saw a beautiful bride dressed in white with a red scarf covering her face. I saw a groom dressed in a suit and two red sashes. There was fog. There was bright yellow shooting sparks. There was a huge meal full of meat, including turtle soup, shell, head and feet included. There were loud singers and a man who played a wind instrument with his nose. The meal was eaten and zoom, everyone left in a huge crowd pushing their way out of the banquet hall. With the ceremony only lasting 10 minutes, it was an eat and run wedding.

Today I went to a coffee shop, sat on a big comfy couch, knitting an ugly multiple-colored experimental knee high sock and drank peppermint tea out of a bottomless tea pot.

Today I learned that I won't have to teach next week except for two hours. My 8 hours of Freshmen listening classes will have a different teacher for next week. He will educate them on how to use the listening lab.

Maybe next week I will start knitting a sweater.

Did living in Africa, change the way I do things?

When I first moved to China, I was still wearing African fashions, the big airy shirts that add a couple of pounds and that allow the skin to breathe under the hot sun. I was still wearing a lot of skirts and was not feeling really comfortable wearing form fitting pants. Plus they were hot and skirts were more practical for squat toilets.
Nowadays though, I live in a part of China where the weather is cold. Pants and long underwear are necessary. I have given up my desire to be Little House on the Prairie modest in long ankle length skirts and have adopted the more practical fashion of pants. I am still not very comfortable in tight jeans; although, lately I have been wearing them and have gotten used to them again.

In Africa, laundry was done by hand, two buckets, one with soapy water and one with clean water for rinsing. In China, I have a washing machine that uses electricity to agitate the soapy water, spin one way, spin the other. One must manually add water and drain the water. There is a spinner that is like a scientific centrifuge that spins out water while stretching out your clothes. I still do part of the wash the African way. I use a bucket to rinse out the soap and use muscle to squeeze out the water.

In Africa, I did not have a refrigerator. I would sometimes put leftovers in a clay cannery to keep the food cold. If it smelled all right and didn't have a slimy texture, I might eat it for breakfast.

In China, I have a refrigerator, but haven't figured out how to fill it. My fridge right now is completely empty. In a city, where I can eat out, three meals for $3 a day, I don't cook much and even if I did, I'd probably walk to the supermarket once a day like the locals do. For some reason, vegetables don't keep very well in fridges. They get slimy by the next day.

So did living in Africa change the way I live life or do things?

Not really.

What changes the way I do things, is what is available in the country in which I'm living. In Africa, I wore skirts, cooked small individual sized meals, and washed my clothes by hand. In China, I use the washing machine. I eat out and shop for food like the locals. I wear pants.

When I return to the states, I will probably start using a dryer unless I am living in the countryside. I will probably cook with an oven and drive a car unless I am in a bike friendly city.

Living abroad has taught me that I adapt. I don't hang onto my old ways, but follow the ways of the place I am living. Will I adopt the wasteful ways of the US? I hope not, but my track record of adopting a particular country's ways tells a different story.

Start of the Semester

Today was my first day of class.

I left the house at 7:08 am to walk three minutes to the front gate where I boarded the school bus, destination, New Campus, a campus 5 km outside of the city in the countryside surrounded by farmland.

It was a wet day, a drizzle in the air. Hopefully if the weather turns for the better, I will be able to ride my bike to new campus twice a week. Today though, I needed a guide to show me my classroom and to show me how to use the equipment.

My new classroom is shiny and new. It is huge with 66 computer screens and 132 stools. It is a listening lab, and I am there to push play.

However, today NONE of my sophomores showed up.

Some kind of mix up?

In China, I live in a world of an infinite number of unknowns. I have learned to just shrug them off and go look for something else to do. I have stopped asking why and have stopped trying to figure things out. Just breathe and move on.

The next school bus wouldn't be leaving until 10 am, so I walked around the campus feeling the atmosphere of freshmen arriving with their one piece of luggage looking for their department's booth, being assigned dorm rooms, and standing in long lines to pay money.

Since my next 4 classes are Freshmen, I have no more classes to teach this week. They don't start till next week.

Will anyone show though?

School starts Monday, but not really

On Monday I will teach my first class of the semester. It is an 8 am listening and speaking class of sophomore non-majors. After that, I will be back to knitting for a week plus lesson planning for the next week. I have four Freshmen listening classes that start one week late and then in October they will have two weeks of military training. I might not see them at all in October since there are rumors of a week long holiday.

I have started knitting knee high socks, a pattern out of the book stitch'n Bitch The Knitter's Handbook.

Some of the most important items to pack for a Peace Corps tour are things to do. Even if they are heavy and if you really believe you will use it, pack it. I packed a heavy knitting book. It has been my first knitting teacher and has provided months of entertainment as I slowly knit up the many projects.

In Africa, I brought boxes of oil pastels and large coarse paper. My walls in Africa become covered with abstract blobs of smeared color.


Peace Corps packing tip: Pack items that will give you something to do for the many hours of free time.

Knitting till school starts

I started a bright green stole, ran out of green, and added some hot pink yarn, but then half-way through a row I started dropping when I should have been knitting. I didn't know how to fix the mistake and just made it worse.

The stitches were a funny droopy, loopy type of stitch that made the stole very holey. The directions for this particular drop stitch were: Act as if you are going to knit one stitch as normal, but instead of just wrapping the yarn around the needle once, wrap it three times!

I was almost done with the warm stole, but decided to rip it out.

So instead I decided to knit some easy dishcloths (Grandmother's Favorite) out of some yarn bought in the USA that a volunteer left me.

et voila
What should I knit next with the bright green yarn? It's color is almost like the green in the dishcloth just a shade darker.