Monday, May 10, 2010

Conditioning Clockwork Orange Style

If you had to sit on a bus for 6 hours and were forced to watch a TV screen with a volume set at blast where even your personal
earphones attached to an ipod cannot drown out, which of the following would you choose while trapped for your viewing pleasure?
a.  Chinese Soap Operas
There are several types:  the bad guys versus the bad guys usually one triad against another where big bosses are killed along with their families, girls are kidnapped then shot to death in front of their boyfriends who are being beaten while trying to save them and plenty of chase scenes and mob fights with machetes.  Then there are the sugary sweet loves stories chock full of drama, slaps to the face, crying, and plenty of fainting.
b.  A live taping of a variety performance show
These shows are LOUD.  The performers sing at the top of their voices and the MC's shout full blast into microphones while the crowd goes wild while double fisting plastic toy plastic hands that clap when shaken.  There isn't much entertainment value to these shows.  There might be a 30 minute cheering competition where the MC's try to get their side of the audience to cheer and laugh louder.  Maybe you will watch the singers chug beer handed to them by the audience.  Maybe you will watch a skit where a girl flirts with a dumpy guy to convince him to go hit the big macho guy in exchange for a kiss.  Or maybe you will have the pleasure of watching a guy dressed in a skirt sing, change shirts, and then sing opera with a woman who acts like she is 6 yeas old.
c.  B movies
While riding the bus, I have see Dragon Wars 4 times, Street Fighter Chun-Li, Elektra, James Bond dubbed in Chinese, 3000 Miles to Graceland twice, and a bunch of Chinese films.   
In order for me to leave my city, I have to take a bus.  I live in one of the rare cities that does not have a train station; although, it does have a tiny airport with two flights a day, one to Lanzhou, one to Xian.  For a 30 minute flight to Xian, maybe the 160 RMB is worth the cost compared to the 60 RMB bus ride. 
I am not exactly sure what the bus rides are conditioning me for, but I do feel a strong aversion towards buses and therefore only leave site when necessary.

1 comment:

M said...

I say alternate a) and c). Or... invest in this :||4e6f6973652043616e63656c696e67~~ncpcmcat143000050011%23%230%23%23k&list=y&nrp=15&usc=abcat0200000&sc=audioSP

Yes you will look like a martian because no one has these here, but they are life-saviors. Seriously.